Wednesday 14 December 2016

Tissues at the ready, it's my last blog post about word counts ... for this draft at least - plus some 2017 resolutions

Well I've only gone and finished the draft - and just in time for Christmas! I shall ramble in more detail after imparting my final *breaks down* word counts for this draft - but there will be more drafts in the future, mark my words - mwah ha ha...

Monday 5th December 2016
1,307 words. I think by having the weekend off writing, it recharges my brain and I find when I return to it (of course after my normal 5 minute panic that I'll be no good), I am better - the words seem to flow smoother and are well formed. I absolutely loved writing this morning and I felt like the work I produced was good.

Tuesday 6th December 2016
1,285 words. I had a great time this morning. This week I have definitely done some of my best work for this draft for a scene that I wasn't expecting to go as well as this - not that I thought it would be bad, I just hadn't given it much thought so went into it a little apprehensive. But as per, I shouldn't have worried and I had a ball.

Wednesday 7th December 2016
1,159 words. Another great morning. I'm over the moon with my writing this week. In only a few years with practice, I have noticed such a change - not only in the quality of my work, but the words I use. It's exciting to see so much progress but I hasten to add that I still have a L-O-N-G way to go.

Thursday 8th December 2016
1,003 words. This week has been absolutely fabulous. That is all I have to say.

Friday 9th December 2016
1,238 words. A fabulous hour of writing to finish off the writing week. One of the best I've ever had since I started the draft in June. Very happy.


Monday 12th December 2016
1,069 words. I'm definitely going to be finished by Wednesday which is crazy and the scene I was writing today was emotional to say the least. It's still going very well and OMG IT'S NEARLY OVER!

Tuesday 13th December 2016
1,306 words. Oh the drama. The emotional scene continued this morning and I felt completely drained afterwards. I wrote for about an hour and a half as I had to get to a place where I could leave it and do the scene justice.

Wednesday 14th December 2016
589 words. I FINISHED. I CRIED. THE END.


And so the draft I envisioned to be a mere 50,000 words turned into a 109,356 word heavy document. I am scared and excited in equal measure. Excited because I think it might be good, scared if it's not and in reality it's absolutely awful. For now, I shall put it aside for a few months then return to it at some point in 2017 and just hope for the best. No matter about that for the moment as the good news is that I can now FINALLY BUY HARRY POTTER AND THE CURSED CHILD!! I promised myself that I wouldn't read/buy it until I had finished the draft and since it has come out (in JULY!!!) I have avoided anything to do with the damn book for fear I'd see something and ruin it for myself BUT IT DOESN'T MATTER ANY MORE AS I FINALLY GET TO READ IT!

I think this will be my last blog post of 2016 but as I normally try and write my new year's resolutions for the following year, I thought I'd just do it now instead ...

Last year I had a snappy one statement resolution for 2016: sort out my career. It didn't go exactly to plan (hey life drama!) but I think this ridiculous/insane/character-building year needed to happen to get me to the place I am now ... excuse? I haven't decided. Like most people, I'm very glad this year is nearly over but at least I can come away from it with the knowledge that I'm still standing, still fighting - and I think that is an achievement in itself that we all need to celebrate. For 2017, as I have realised pressure and me are not simpatico, my resolutions are more actions speaking louder than words - I'm going to work as hard as I can in the general direction of what I want and see where it takes me. It's what I'm doing now and I shall continue in that direction until I actually get somewhere.

Until next time.

Friday 2 December 2016

Some McNaught to break up the monotony ... along with some word counts, naturally


*An arty shot I took a while ago of some Judith McNaught
books resting on a red velvet sofa that I don't own.
YOLO.*
Another two weeks have passed and I come bearing gifts in the form of more word counts and the exciting news that I've been reading Judith McNaught again. I have had an urge to revisit one of her books for a while now and even though I should be branching out and reaching for something new to expand my literary knowledge, I have been so busy every day that the last thing I want to do is read something where I've got to think - and let's be real, I just want to read about some virile men (Judith's word, not mine - FABULOUS!). I picked up Whitney My Love the weekend before last, the first book of hers that I ever read, and I had completely forgotten what an epic love story it is. After that, I moved onto another one of hers, Until You, and had a whale of a time. I'm starting another today to kick start the weekend, Almost Heaven, which will be me later on AND I CAN'T WAIT! After all that excitement, let's bring this post down to earth with a thud and move onto my word counts for the last couple of weeks:

Monday 21st November 2016
1,101 words. Oh that was great. As is my way, I started off a little nervous that whatever I wrote would be a disaster but after about 5 minutes or so, I was into it again and very happy with what I produced. There is nothing more wonderful sometimes than the feeling of pure excitement you get from writing something you are passionate about.

Tuesday 22nd November 2016
1,146 words.

Wednesday 23rd November 2016
1,124 words. It was so damn dramatic this morning, I can't take it. Fabulous.

Thursday 24th November 2016
1,000 words. I was a little out of it this morning but I pushed myself to keep going and I'm happy I did.

Friday 25th November 2016
0 words. I really didn't feel like it. I had a big day yesterday personally and I think it all caught up with me this morning.

Monday 28th November 2016
1,260 words. Like always, if I leave writing for a few days I am left with the ridiculous fear that when I return to it again, it will be a catastrophe but as per, it was fine and I actually loved it. Regardless of that, I'm a little anxious for it to be done. This draft been going on for a long time now and I'd like to move on. I think I need a break from the routine before I start editing it in a few months time.

Tuesday 29th November 2016
1,223 words. I love when I stop writing at a place that I can't wait to return to the following day. Even though I am anxious to finish, that doesn't mean I'm not still loving it.

Wednesday 30th November 2016
1,247 words. For about twenty minutes I had only written about 150 words and assumed it was going to be a low word count day, which I was totally cool with, but suddenly, by the time my hour was up, I had written so much.

Thursday 1st December 2016
979 words. After feeling like I was writing constantly over the hour, I *only* wrote just under a thousand words. I know that is still very good and I'm happy with that, I just felt like it was going to be much higher than that ... I feel I should add in a sheepish manner that I *may* have had moments where I was pretty distracted (oh, hey Instagram!) so I don't know what I'm talking about, ignore everything I have just said.

Friday 2nd December 2016
1,024 words.

I thought I'd be finished by the end of November but here we are, December 2nd and the damn thing is still going strong and now over 100,000 words long (100,400 to be exact). I am speechless, excited, fearful of the editing process and many other wildly varied emotions but I truly hope I can turn it into something real - something to be proud of. More than anything I have ever done in my life, I want this to succeed, I believe it can .... one day, about a million years from now perhaps.

And remind me, what's book marketing?

Until next time.

Friday 18 November 2016

If you're looking for something other than word counts, you've come to the wrong place...

The title of this post I hope will spare me the need to elaborate any further on the fact that I haven't done any book marketing. Let's cut straight to the word counts, shall we?

Monday 7th November 2016
1,241 words. It took quite a long time to get into it and I think the quality of my work suffered as a result but I kept going, determined to just keep writing and after a while, I loved it again.

Tuesday 8th November 2016
1,057 words.

Wednesday 9th November 2016
1,262 words. All week I struggled with my energy levels and because of that, my concentration suffered but I found that if I pushed through it, I was able to keep going and still managed to produce some work that I was happy with.

Thursday 10th November 2016
1,062 words. Today's scene was hard to write. Not because I was lost for words exactly, more that the subject matter was something I have never touched on before and found it hard to write about but if I want this book to be the best it can be, it was a scene that had to happen ... but if I could, I would have had my hands over my eyes as I wrote it.

Friday 11th November 2016
1,423 words. A great hour of writing to end the week.

Monday 14th November 2016
1,011 words. I wrote a scene that was pretty romantic which offered a stark contrast to the lack of it in my own life. Yay.

Tuesday 15th November 2016
1,055 words. It went well but I found the quality of my work wasn't as good.

Wednesday 16th November 2016
0 words. I just didn't feel like it.

Thursday 17th November 2016
907 words. I mentioned on Tuesday that I felt the quality of my work was a bit MEH and that positive vein continued on today which made me feel a little uninspired and overcritical. Halfway through writing though I then remembered that my period was due and I'm not sure if it was because I acknowledged it was that but my mindset changed and my writing suddenly improved. All the clumsy words I had written through the week were forgotten with one small paragraph that I was over the moon with. FABULOUS!

Friday 18th November 2016
1,179 words. For most of the time I was writing today I felt that everything I produced was so very BLAH (again!!!!) and I resisted roughly eight thousand attempts to throw my laptop out of the window and just give up. Suddenly something switched though and I really got into it. I have left it now in a place that has made me so excited to return to it on Monday.

The draft now stands at 90,272 words. WHAT?! Even though I know I am nearing the end of the story, I haven't got a bloody clue how long I will be writing it for. This draft has been with me through the best and worst times this year and no matter what becomes of it, I will forever be grateful as, at times, it's helped me stay afloat.

This Tuesday I celebrated (for want of a better word) my blog's 2 year anniversary. I have always used this tiny chunk of the internet as a sort of diary, documenting my journey as a writer and as you might be able to discern from my beautiful lack of book marketing, I've never done anything with it - but I'd like that to change over the next year. I don't know how yet as I'm still trying to work through my issues with self-promotion but hopefully on it's third birthday, it'll be something a little bigger than it is now.

Until next time.

Friday 4 November 2016

Book marketing drowning in a sea of word counts

I haven't posted anything in a few weeks not because I haven't done any writing, quite the opposite in fact, but because I just didn't feel like blogging. I shall warn you in advance that this is yet another word count heavy post. We shall not talk about how the marketing is going ... because there is nothing to talk about. I have done NADA. Let's move on quickly and talk about word counts then, yeah?

Monday 17th October 2016
1,005 words. It was such a brilliant start to the week and I wrote a scene I hadn't planned on that I just loved. I'm very excited about where it is going and this time around, the characters feel deeper to me, realer.

Tuesday 18th October 2016
1,271 words. I found that I couldn't stop writing this morning and wrote for nearly an hour and a half and I loved every minute of it. Recently I have been sticking religiously to my original plan and plot, using bits and bobs from the old draft and as a result I have found at times that I haven't been able to let go and really write. This week I have and as a result it's taken a slightly different route that I think has really added something to the story.

Wednesday 19th October 2016
1,057 words. Another wonderful hour of writing. This week has been amazing. I think apart from deciding to let go a bit, I've generally been doing a lot of writing for other projects I am working on and regardless what the subject matter is, it's all practice and will help me in the long run be a better writer.

Thursday 20th October 2016
937 words.

Friday 21st October 2016
1,569 words. Oh be still my beating heart. Words cannot describe how much I loved writing today. I had to peel myself off the keyboard as I didn't want to stop and if I hadn't had too much else to do I would have just kept going.

Saturday 22nd October 2016
1,331 words. Because I had a bit more time this weekend, and as it's been such a wonderful week of writing, I did some writing today as well. It was wonderful. I wrote for about an hour and fifteen minutes and could have kept going but having this hour parameter really helps me not panic or feel under any pressure. I wanted to write the next day as well but I took the time away from it because it felt like the right thing to do.

Monday 24th October 2016
1,148 words. For the first ten minutes I had to warm up to writing again but after that it was amazing and I had an absolute ball. So much fun. It was an important scene too and I was very happy with what I wrote.

Tuesday 25th October 2016
1,316 words. Again I kept writing past the hour as I loved it so much. I wrote for about an hour and twenty minutes in total but in the end I had to stop as I had too much else to do.

Wednesday 26th October 2016
1,164 words.

Thursday 27th October 2016
1,000 words. L O V E D   I T.

Friday 28th October 2016
0 words. I didn't feel like doing anything, let alone writing. I was out until very late last night and could barely open my eyes I was so tired. Not fussed though as it's been such a fantastic couple of writing weeks.

Monday 31st October 2016
1,516 words. Again, like I tend to do if I take a gap from writing for a few days, I get a little nervous when I return to it. After approximately 30 seconds I was fine and had a FABULOUS time writing again.

Tuesday 1st November 2016
1,057 words.

Wednesday 2nd November 2016
1,334 words. Oh I loved today. I bloody loved it.

Thursday 3rd November 2016
1,278 words. I was a little distracted for maybe the first twenty minutes and used Instagram as the ultimate procrastination tool but then something changed and I was suddenly frantic and excited about writing once more.

Friday 4th November 2016
830 words. I basically wrote this as a zombie but kept going as I wanted to get up to 80,000 words just because - AND I DID.

Even though I still have a little way to go with it, it’s already much bigger than my original draft that was just over 71,319 words which either means I just have more to cut when I go to edit or I've managed to give my little story a bit more depth. I hope it's the latter as I have just had a ball writing it and it feels like I've written something I can work with.

The draft now stands at 80,076 words. It's November, which means NaNoWriMo is upon us and even though I'm obviously not taking part this year, I'd still like to give myself the goal of finishing my draft by the end of this month. Seeing as I am nearing the end of the story anyway, I don't think having that goal will put any added pressure on me. Knowing what I am like though, I'll probably have a freak out and purposefully not work on it again until December.

Until next time, when I will hopefully have done some marketing that I can talk about (not going to happen).

Friday 14 October 2016

Another mundane blog post involving word counts

Here is yet another word count heavy blog post post for you. It's been a rather lovely, uneventful week where the only real drama was when I completed a HIIT workout and was barely able to walk for three days. Here are my word counts for the week:

Monday 10th October 2016
1,576 words. About twenty minutes after completing my first HIIT workout, and feeling like I was about to die, was the time when I decided it was ideal to start writing. It wasn't. For the first half an hour as I attempted to write, I felt like a piece of jelly but after that, something switched and I really got into it. Very happy with what I wrote and a fantastic word count to kick off the week.

Tuesday 11th October 2016
1,071 words. I didn't really feel like writing but decided to just push through and do it. I think what I wrote was ok but I find now that I can see a pretty dramatic change in the quality of my work depending on how I am feeling that day. Still glad I did it though and I'm sure I can salvage a word here or there from the literary wreckage.

Wednesday 12th October 2016
0 words. I really didn't feel like writing today, so I didn't. 'Nuff said.

Thursday 13th October 2016
1,038 words. I find when I miss as little as a day of writing I start to panic that when I return to it, I'll be useless. It took about five minutes before those fears disappeared and I really started enjoying myself.

Friday 14th October 2016
1,083 words. A great hour of writing to end the week.

From next week my posts, I promise, will be more varied as I am forcing myself to concentrate properly on one thing that I absolutely hate: self-promotion & marketing. URGH. I dislike this subject as much as a HIIT workout. Ideally I'd like to document my marketing journey on this blog as I attempt to actually sell some books and get somewhere as a writer. I've been a little too blasé in my attitude towards my career (especially when my ONE New Year's resolution for this year was to focus on my career...) and seeing as writing is something I apparently want to do for the rest of my life, it's not acceptable.

And another thing, remind me never to do HIIT again.

Until next time.

Friday 7 October 2016

Here today, gone tomorrow

A lot has changed in my life since my last post. I handed in my notice, moved  back in with my mum, turned 29 and generally had a crazy busy time. It's all been great though so I can't complain. No more faffing about, here are my word counts since my last post:

Monday 19th September 2016
1,004 words. A great hour of writing.

Tuesday 20th September 2016
1,106 words. Another great hour of writing.

Wednesday 21st September 2016
0 words. Not great but I was so tired. I didn't beat myself up about it though and just accepted it was for the best. No 'I'm the worst writer in the world' freak outs. YAY!

Thursday 22nd September 2016
0 words. I had good intentions about writing and even sat down at my laptop ready to write but my mind was on everything that needed to be done - which was a lot, considering I moved two days later.

Monday 3rd October 2016
1,151 words. I took the break that I said I would. Initially I was nervous that it would be hard to get back into the swing of things after just over a week of not writing but it was so easy once I started. I tried not to put any pressure on myself and was very pleased with what I wrote.

Tuesday 4th October 2016
1,215 words.

Wednesday 5th October 2016
915 words. God I loved what I wrote this morning. A GREAT hour of writing.

Thursday 6th October 2016
905 words. I wrote a really important part of my book this morning and it went so well. I loved every second of it and felt so happy when I had finished.

Friday 7th October 2016
927 words. Oh, I just loved writing this morning again and finished my writing week on a pretty huge high.

I may decide to change things up but for now, I'm going to try and take every weekend off. For a long time I haven't had that luxury but now that I can, I want to start finding more balance and so far, I'm loving it.

I cannot wait to return to writing next week and I'm excited for the week ahead.

Until next time.

Friday 16 September 2016

'We were on a break'

Just a quick update this week as time and I are on a break. It's been another good writing week - surprisingly so in the midst of so much stress *Puts small violin away to give you my word counts for the week*

Saturday 10th September 2016
748 words. Due to lack of time I could only write for 45 minutes but I had an absolute blast and loved every single 45 minutes of it.
Sunday 11th September 2016
1,137 words. I was a little out of it and a bit distracted so found it hard to concentrate on the page but all things considered, I was still very happy with what I had written. I am trying to remember that this is pretty much a first draft even though I have worked on this story for a long time and the only person who is forcing me to do it quickly is me. I need to remember that because sometimes it feels like I have an invisible contingent of people telling me in my ear 'WHEN'S IT GOING TO BE FINISHED?' - THERE IS NO ONE THERE GIRL, CHILL OUT.
Monday 12th September 2016
1,018 words.
Tuesday 13th September
1,158 words.
Wednesday 14th September
0 words. Today I decided not to write and I was ok with it. I could barely keep my eyes open so what is the point if I know I'm barely going to be able to string a sentence together and not do my best?
Thursday 15th September
1,196 words. I think it's safe to say that I made up for yesterday.
Friday 16th September
0 words. I have no time and I'm trying my best not to freak out and panic *throws laptop out the window*

This week my little draft hit 50,000 words. Not bad going considering what conditions I have been writing under. So far I think it's showing real promise and I am extremely excited to see where it's all going to go. There are some big changes happening in my life that are going to make the next few weeks hilariously busy and as a result I will be taking a break from blogging. I will be writing as much as possible but I think I need to step back when I can to avoid going into my default stress 'I'M A TERRIBLE WRITER' mode. I know for sure that I won't be writing for the next few days then I am forcing myself to take an entire week off from 26th September where I don't have to think about anything bar tall, dark, handsome men that I will read about in romance novels. FABULOUS.

Until next time.

Friday 9 September 2016

I've had a bit of a shock


Something troubling has happened: I have found a Judith McNaught book that I don't like. I shall first show you a picture of the cover to soften the blow because it's so damn pretty...and goes with the rest of my collection so it ain't going anywhere. It tells the story of Ramon, a sexist, medallion-wearing, tyrant and Kate, our sweet gullible, racist heroine as they navigate the unnecessary dramas of their love story. I am a diehard Judith fan - her books got me through one of the hardest periods of my life when I was housebound with a really bad skin condition but this one almost feels as if it was written by someone else. Regardless, I shall not let it get to me and instead admire it from afar as it gathers dust on my bookshelf never to be touched again. In other news, it's been a great writing week so here are my word counts for the last seven days:

Saturday 3rd September 2016
924 words. I may have written hilariously early to fit everything in but nevertheless, I had a great time.
Sunday 4th September 2016
897 words.
Monday 5th September 2016
859 words. Within the hour I had to write I had a lot of disruptions and in turn felt I couldn't get into it as much but I was still very happy with what I wrote.
Tuesday 6th September 2016 
805 words. Today those nasty symptoms of self-doubt reared their ugly head but this time, not only did I tell myself to just ignore them, but I knew EXACTLY why I felt that way - I had once again put too much pressure on myself to fit in as many words as humanly possible into the hour allocated for writing and wrote at a time that was just plain silly. I have to say though, what I wrote wasn't that bad and a lot of the ideas and parts etc I actually really liked.
Wednesday 7th September 2016 
878 words. Back to normal. No self-doubt. No stopping me.
Thursday 8th September 2016
1,131 words. Great writing today.
Friday 9th September 2016
636 words. I didn't write for the full hour today as I have so much to fit in but it didn't take away from the fact that I had a BALL!

Lastly, I just want to include a link to one of my new favourite speeches EVER made by Kate Winslet at the Baftas this year. I couldn't have found it at a more appropriate time and it definitely helped me through a rather tough situation this week. The speech can be found here and prepared to feel empowered.

Until next time - I'm off to burn my bra.

Friday 2 September 2016

A blog post with no name

It's week 3 of quite possibly the most healthy writing phase of my short writing life. I had a tiny dip in confidence that lasted all of 2 hours but apart from that, I have been not only excited to start writing each day but close to joy when I am actually doing it (ahem). I also read something wonderful this week that helped me a great deal. It was written by the fabulous author V.E. Schwab who among many others, wrote the FABULOUS novel Vicious. The piece talks about the battle it is to get through a first draft while dealing with feelings of extreme self-doubt. I have discussed many times on my blog my own feelings of self-doubt towards my writing and even though I have been in a good place recently, I know in the future I'll read this if those feelings rear their ugly head and not feel so alone. The article in question can be found here. I think I've already said enough so here are the numbers for my week in writing land:

Saturday 27th August
1,199 words.
Sunday 28th August 
994 very sleepy words. Due to tiredness, I wasn't as into it as I have been but I was still happy to just write.
Monday 29th August
1,139 words. I have been waking up the last few days immensely early to fit everything in and this morning I woke up at 6am so I could write first and get it out of the way. When I realised that is how I was looking at my writing, I knew I needed to wait until I had woken up properly to do it. At 3pm, I finally felt ready and ended up having one of the most exciting hours of writing EVER. I got so into it that the hour flew past in no time at all. Such a wonderful feeling.
Tuesday 30th August 2016
1,068 words.
Wednesday 31st August 2016
1,143 words. So very exciting.
Thursday 1st September 2016
703 words. It was strange this morning but I seemed to have trouble forming coherent sentences. Whatever disaster they turn out to be when I read them back in a few months though, I still enjoyed writing them and think even in their confused state, there will be things I can salvage from the wreckage.
Friday 2nd September 2016
923 words. A coherent and exciting hour of writing today.

My draft as it stands now is already nearly 39,000 words long and I'm not even halfway yet. I could be wrong but at the rate i'm going, it's looking likely it'll be a MASSIVE first draft. I am both excited and terrified at the prospect and look forward to reading my new Judith McNaught book later on today.

Until next time.

Friday 26 August 2016

An uncomplicated blog post

It's been another GREAT writing week. My one hour a day rule that I talked about in my last post is working out so well, it makes me want to keep writing each day because I love it so much. Now the pressure is off, I have remembered just how much I love to write so here is the breakdown for the last week:

Saturday 20th August 2016 
I wrote 1,538 words on the way home from Mum's on a rickety old bus then a stuffy tube and I loved every minute of it.
Sunday 21st August 2016
Because of a lack of time, I started writing at 11p.m. I thought about leaving it for the day but I was itching to write so before I got too tired, I managed 692 words over about 35/40 minutes.
Monday 22nd August 2016 
Knowing I was going to be out for the entire day and wouldn't get another opportunity to write, I set my alarm an hour earlier and wrote 1,687 words! I wrote for about 1 hour 20 minutes because I got carried away and made myself late. FABULOUS!
Tuesday 23rd August 2016 
I wrote 873 words and even though I was absolutely exhausted after an extremely full on few days, I still loved it.
Wednesday 24th August 2016 
1,143 words.
Thursday 25th August 2016 
1,180 words.
Friday 26th August 2016 
975 words.

So there you have it! It's 12.30p.m. at the moment and even though I have a lot to do today, I find myself desperate to write more ... and read a Judith McNaught book. YES.

Until next time.

Friday 19 August 2016

A breakthrough

Something wonderful has happened: my love of writing has returned, and I couldn't be happier about it. I said I wouldn't write another blog post until something profound had happened and when I wrote that bold statement, I of course had no belief that something would actually happen and instead imagined amassing all the digital cobwebs until this blog ceased to exist. This blog is not for anyone else but me really and is more of a log of my still relatively new writing journey and through documenting all my highs and lows, I've definitely noticed a pattern emerge. I'll explain about that more in a minute. First, let me break down what's happened since my last post:

In the first week of August I was working practically every spare minute of the day and had no time to even think about writing, let alone do it. At the beginning of the second week of August I was completely run down and with that came my tendency for the last few months to declare on a loop 'What the hell am I doing with my life?!?' The following day I went to stay with my mum and did a lot of thinking about what I was going to do. I have said this before but for most of my teenage and adult life, if something wasn't working, or if I had no self-belief or it had simply happened at the wrong time, I'd give up for fear that if I really tried and failed, I'd be a failure. I had a couple of days of some really deep soul searching - and a few mini breakdowns about my future, natch. I know I'm still young (28) but I'm at the age where I should at least have an inkling of how to go about what I want to do. Well, I was feeling trapped and confused about what to do for the best but on Thursday (11th) I decided to sit down with my mum and write a very simple list which had a total of 10 WORDS. These ten words gave me focus and cut out all the middle man - suddenly I had an end goal and at the top, I had the things I was doing/going to do to get there. Suddenly what I had to do didn't look all that scary and somehow, the pressure I had been slowly putting on myself over time had been taken off my shoulders. I moved on then to look at how much I could write logically each day without getting overwhelmed and worked out that I could easily fit in an hour a day, with the addition of a lifetime ban on word count goals. So the plan would be to basically sit for an hour in front of my laptop and see what happened. Because I had put all this in place it took away something HUGE: panic. In the past when I have panicked about what I am going to do with my life, I rush the thing I love and go about things in the wrong way and end up hating it. That is what I did with writing last November when I attempted to do NaNoWriMo then again, when I took it back up this June. I was so desperate to change my life that I told myself I had to do x amount of words a day and be finished on x date - in turn anything I did, didn't feel good enough and I ended up having periods where I gave up completely and put all the excuses under the sun in my way.

So, the following day (Friday 12th August), I read through with Mum what I had written so far and even though there are ridiculous parts, places where you can see my heart isn't in it and a fair few expositional word dumps, it showed promise. It's funny, the places where I decided to just write because I felt like it with no pressure on myself are the bits that are by far the best and really flow. Here are my daily writing totals for the last week:

Saturday 13th August
752 words
Sunday 14th August
1,186 words
Monday 15th August
I wrote 934 words in 38 minutes and experienced what can only be described as sheer excitement and exhilaration. The first two days were a warm up for this. Pure joy.
Tuesday 16th August
Before work I wrote 1,349 words and loved every single moment of it. The time went too fast though and I just wanted to keep writing.
Wednesday 17th August
I wrote 1,222 words and like yesterday, and the day before that, it was truly wonderful.
Thursday 18th August
I wrote 1,515 words. A broken record I know but, guess what? I LOVED IT. I wrote for an extra 15 minutes as I couldn't help myself.
Friday 19th August 2016
Today I decided to write for 2 hours for the simple reason that I wanted to and wrote a total of 2,024 words.

So in the week where I vowed not put pressure on myself, I wrote a total of 8,982 words. Not bad going.

In other news, I've taken down my short story CIRCLE from Amazon as I felt I needed to concentrate on my WEIGHTING TO LIVE series. It feels like the right thing to do and recently because I've taken the aforementioned panic out of my life, I've been able to get on more with marketing too.

Until next time.

Sunday 31 July 2016

The rewrite: WEEK...Remind me?

Before anything I will briefly talk about the writing I have managed to do (lol):

After I  published my last blog post on Friday 8th July, that evening, I decided to do some writing and wrote 764 words. I simply loved every minute of it. Even though I had very limited time the following day, I managed to fit in 643 words and found that old excitement returning. On the plane to France the following day, then when I arrived later that evening, I wrote a total of 1,246 words. I went to sleep full of hope and wonder what the next ten days in the magical land of cheese and baguettes would bring to my writing ... it turns out not too much. The next day, on Monday 11th July, I wrote 1,129 words but found myself very uninspired to continue. A huge part of that was down to the heat which acted like a fog over my brain ... but if I am being honest, more than anything else, it was because that horrible cloud of self-doubt returned to tell me I should give up and that I'm no good. Since then I've thought of nothing but writing but haven't had the time (or confidence) to return to it. I know in my heart that this idea, if I really worked at it and believed in myself, could be something very exciting - but I'm human and life doesn't work like that. The last few months have been in my personal life intense to say the least but that is no excuse - I want to write, I know I do but I've got to find some way to overcome my, at times, crippling self-doubt. Saying that, slowly but surely, I know I'm getting there. As an incentive to finish the draft, I've told myself I can't buy Harry Potter and the Cursed Child until it's done *starts frantically panic-typing*

Apart from all that nonsense, I've noticed I have been getting more sales of my eBook WEIGHTING TO LIVE. It's been quite exciting really. Still hilariously small numbers mind you but significant enough to start considering reading all those dreaded eBook entrepreneurs again and striking while the iron is hot(ish).

I will be back with another blog post when I have something profound to say ... so it's been nice knowing you :-/

Until next time...?

Friday 8 July 2016

The rewrite: Week 2, Week 3, Week 4...Week 5 *HANGS HEAD IN SHAME*

I promised I would write this draft in my own time and not worry about word counts so this shall not be a post full of regret - I couldn't write for many reasons which I will explain as best I can without sounding all 'my dog ate my homework':

On Monday 13th June I wrote 1,153 words and on Tuesday 14th June I wrote 1,491 words. I was immensely happy with this and really felt like what I had written was pretty good but aside from that, I was going through a bit of a hard time. On the 6th June, I hit 3 years since I became ill (which I've written about on my blog many times before) and used that anniversary as the start of a new phase in my life. In doing so, it brought up a lot of emotions, memories and thoughts that hit me all at once. I had a pretty rough time at secondary school and since then it's had a huge impact on my life and how I've gone about things. For the last few weeks I've basically been coming to terms with it all and really woken up to my present situation. I had a really hard few weeks dealing with all that, then to top it all off, at the same time, I got a seriously bad cold that I've just got better from. I will also add to the over-stuffed table that I was working too much so I think I just ran myself down in every way possible. I'm feeling a little better now but this time, I need to move slower and just chill out about everything if I truly want to succeed.

As I had a few weeks away from writing while I recovered from my bad cold etc, on Monday 4th July, I decided to read through all 9,810 words I had written so far - I know you aren't meant to do this with a first draft and just keep on writing but I really wanted to see how it was. My initial reaction was excitement - obviously it's not perfect, and parts are a bit of an expositional dump, but it shows promise. Over the day, I wrote...wait for it....nine more words but on Tuesday 5th July I was able to continue writing properly again and wrote 1,045 words bringing the total to 10,864.

This week has been a little crazy with work but come next week, I am away in France working for 1 hour a day max (I know, a ridiculously good deal) and I'm going to use that time away as a writing retreat of sorts. Hopefully I can just immerse myself in the world I have created and come back to London with something more substantial on my laptop. I'm feeling positive for the long writing journey ahead, minus a little less emotional baggage.

Until next time.

Friday 10 June 2016

Rewriting the unwritable WEEK 1: opposites attract

I have come to the end of the first week of rewriting the novel I have talked about on this blog for nearly a year now. I have experienced extreme emotions this week - shirking the average and going straight for either delusions of grandeur and thinking the book has a real chance of getting somewhere, or thinking I am a total failure and the worst writer in the world. Having said that, I still wrote a total of 6,291 words from Monday to Thursday. I am not writing any more this week so I'll break it down day by day:

Monday 6th June 2016
WORD COUNT: 2,012
It was a wonderful writing day. For the first hour I was still getting used to writing again after such a long break but half way through the day, I really got into and it was nothing short of a joy to write.

Tuesday 7th June 2016
WORD COUNT: 2,288
A good day still and I smashed the word count but I battled a lot of fear and anxiety that I wasn't doing a very good job so became slightly mechanical in my writing - looking to old drafts and notes too much. 

***Halfway through the week was when I suddenly got overwhelmed and decided I was a terrible writer and as a result, I started looking for a new profession in my head. My inclination was telling me to just give up and lament being a late-twenty something who hasn't got a clue what she wants to do with her life.***

Wednesday 8th June 2016
WORD COUNT: 1,133 words
My dear friend Fear came over for a catch up today and those 1,133 words were a real struggle to get out. Saying that, there have been a lot of moments over the last three days where I feel I've written some good stuff. 

Thursday 9th June 2016 
WORD COUNT: 858 words
My dear friend Fear outstayed her welcome and also invited along her big sister Doubt. Again some good work today but just hard to battle through how I was feeling.

In conclusion: I have put too much pressure on myself. There is nothing else I want to do with my life but write (...and maybe occasionally sing a Disney song - or five...). This idea particularly I feel has a real shot so naturally, I have built it all up inside my head and now if I don't feel one sentence of it is absolutely perfect, or I have to think about what to write next for over a minute, I start having doubts about my abilities and think maybe I am just not cut out for it. I know these feelings will come and go but this week I just let it get the better of me. Over 6,000 words in four days isn't bad at all, I am just putting too much pressure myself hitting word goals etc that I am not letting myself just enjoy the process, which can be wonderful.

Next week I have decided I am scrapping the word count goal and also stopping myself from looking too much at my notes and old drafts - only referring to them for plot points etc. Having to break off to refer to it is really stopping the ideas flowing and killing my urge to just write. I need to remember that it will get done when it's meant to get done. I absolutely adore writing, I just don't like how I have gone about it this week. All it boils down to really is the fact that I really want to write, I'm just so bloody scared of failing.

On that positive note, I'll see you next week (if I haven't jumped off a figurative cliff in despair by then).

Until next time.

Tuesday 31 May 2016

Feeling refreshed

I am back from my much needed blog holiday. Nothing mind-blowing happened in my absence but it's been a rather lovely mix of working, socialising and spending time with the people I love the most. I also read the Judith McNaught book I talked about here and it was exactly what I needed - glamorous hot people with ridiculous dramas in one well-written pretty book. In nice book review-related news, I got another four star rating for my book WEIGHTING TO LIVE on Goodreads ... in not so nice book review-related news, I got a one star rating for my short story CIRCLE from, I think, the same reader. They are very different books in very different genres though so I am fine with that and I love the feedback - the good and the bad. It's definitely something to think about whether I should have just the one genre under the pseudonym Lily Divine (if you hadn't guessed, it's not my real name..).

Next week I shall be rewriting the book I have banged on about since the dawn of time. The idea for it still has me excited more than anything in the world and if I can just get it down on paper how it is in my head, I think it really stands a shot. This idea has been in my life for years now and I think the reason it has taken so long is a lot to do with fear. Fear it won't be as good as I think it could be. I'm definitely guilty of that way of thinking in so many areas of my life. It's easier in a way knowing it could be something rather than trying and failing. I reread the original draft for it last week and the massive word document that has all the changes for it is now closer to 7,000 words (yay...). On this most recent of read-throughs, it didn't magically need only a lick of literary paint, it still needs to be completely reworked but retaining, for the most part, the characters, story, world and some dialogue and passages.

For the rest of this week I am tying up a lot of loose ends so I don't have anything standing in my way. There is a lot to do but it's all so exciting I don't mind doing it. From next week I am aiming for about 10,000 words per week which in about 5 weeks could mean I potentially have a finished first draft ... but naturally, I am preempting failure. I mean, I've done it before but never with such a strict target. I am hilariously bad when under pressure. Take dieting - if I know my food intake will be cut slightly, I naturally want to eat all the food in the world and store up for the inevitable drought.

I shall be back late next week with an update of how I got on with my first week of rewriting. So basically I look forward to the inevitable excuses I will come up with of why I haven't written a thing.

Until next time.

Tuesday 26 April 2016

Blog holiday

For the first time in over a year, I am taking a few weeks out of writing on this blog. I have plans and will talk about them when I am back but for now, let me share the exciting news that I KNOW WHAT HAPPENED TO THE HOT COUPLE IN THEIR SNOWY CABIN!!! Yes, I finally finished the book I had been reading (SINCE LAST DECEMBER) and it turned out to be a pretty fabulous read and exactly what I needed (basically a cute romance with a hot man, YES!) so if you are ever after the same thing, I'd definitely recommend it. It's called Sleigh Bells in the Snow by Sarah Morgan (here).

I'm off for now but will be back soon with tales that probably don't involve me in a cabin with a hot man.

Until next time.

Monday 18 April 2016

Celebrating the return of an old favourite (obsession)

Judith McNaught is back in my life and I couldn't be happier about it. After working so much recently, I decided to treat myself to a couple of books that I have wanted for ages! One is a book I have already read (and loved AND blogged about here) and the other is a JUDITH MCNAUGHT BOOK I HAVEN'T READ!

I repeat, IT'S A JUDITH MCNAUGHT BOOK I HAVEN'T READ!!

I think it's time to see the books, don't you?


I bought them both from The Book Depository here. What I love about the website is that they offer free worldwide delivery regardless of how much you spend ... and the fact you are able to get different editions of the same book that you might not be able to find so easily is pretty great too.

I went for the US 10th anniversary edition of On Writing : A Memoir of the Craft (link to buy it here) because ... cover.
The price is worth it for the spine alone.

I just love the design of the Double Standards cover - it definitely doesn't scream 'I'M A ROMANCE NOVEL!' Buy it here.
Not a bare torso in sight!

Reading is such a pleasure and something I haven't been able to do for a while (I still have no idea what has become of the ridiculously hot couple in their bloody cabin that I have been reading about since LAST YEAR) but I am pushing myself to make the time each day to read. If I want to be a writer, I think it's important I read as much as possible. Basically this is short for LET ME READ THE MCNAUGHT, PRONTO.

Until next time.

Friday 15 April 2016

Priorities

Mother,

Photographic evidence of my fondue of dreams
(From Le Caveau, Verbier)
My week in Switzerland was wonderful. Like I mentioned in my last post I vowed before I went that I would make the most of the trip and even though I was there for work - some days working very long hours - I really did make the most of it. Every moment I wasn't working I was exploring the beautiful town of Verbier and I have one very special memory on my night off, when I was high up in the town staring around me at the darkened mountains and distant chalets snaking up the mountains lit like Christmas tree lights, feeling (quite literally) on top of the world...and most importantly, I had the fondue of dreams that night. A pretty perfect working week.

After Switzerland I spent a very special 6 days with my mum and since then it's been crazy! This week started off exceptionally well with a very nice surprise in the shape of a 5 star rating on Goodreads for my book WEIGHTING TO LIVE. Apart from the one star stinker of a review on Amazon - which we will never talk about again (...and that I blogged about here) - the feedback for the book has been wonderful. I've been doing a lot of thinking where the marketing for it is concerned and at this present moment I just can't justify the time it would take to commit to doing it right. I think what helped me make this decision was reading a lot of interviews with the self-publishing phenomena that is Rachel Abbott who said she spent 14+ hours a day marketing her books and I just don't have that time what with working and everything else. So for now I am leaving it all to fate and hoping for the best, tinkering when I can, but I just want to write so that is what I am going to do. For the next four days I will be working long shifts but after that, I am going to reread the draft of my book that I have banged on about more than Judith McNaught (and that's saying something). It's the idea I can't leave alone and the idea that makes me really excited.

I will be back on Monday with another blog post. CLUE: It involves Judith McNaught (See? I told you I mention her a lot...).

Until next time.

Thursday 31 March 2016

I have really turned a 'page'


Taken from the balcony - I'm not even joking.
I am writing this post from Verbier in Switzerland and having a rather lovely time. I am here for work but since I decided to change things up a bit and get rid of all my excess baggage that I talked about in my last post here, there has been a subtle shift in how I feel about everything. Any free time this week has been spent exploring this beautiful town and just taking in being surrounded by the most incredible beauty of the mountains. No fondue as of yet but I have found the restaurant in which the fondue eating shall take place so it's only a matter of time now, my love.

I have been writing in tiny bursts when I can and have something I want to quickly talk about that has been a game changer for me: the app Pages. As I have been so busy recently and haven't had the chance to sit down properly at my laptop and write, I wanted something I could use on my phone so I could write on the go. I initially downloaded the Microsoft Word app but after finding that one a giant faff, I came across the app Pages that was already pre-loaded on my iPhone. With this (wonder of an) app, I have sent it all the word documents I've already set up with ideas for my book, plus old drafts, and am able to work on and refer to them whenever I need to. I have also been able to create new documents that I can email to myself in word format and download back onto my laptop. It's truly brilliant and means I won't waste any time and can just get on with it. With regards to the book itself, I am still bloody excited about the idea and the writing I have been able to fit in, I am immensely pleased with. At the pace I am going though I will probably finish it when I am in my fifties but with my new-found sense of calm, I'm just going to sit back, be happy and eat all the Swiss chocolate.

Until next time.

Thursday 24 March 2016

Getting rid of excess baggage

Pretty much straight after writing my last blog post I did some thinking about the amount of things I was trying to do in an attempt to change my life and ironically the way I was going, I would probably have had no success whatsoever and stayed exactly where I was. They say not to put all your eggs into one basket but by following that mantra, those darn eggs were bloody curdling. As my desperation to change my life increased, so did the amount of projects I took on, taking me further and further away from what I really want to do. I WANT TO WRITE GODDAMMIT!

So late last night, I started writing again - no planning, no big build up, no nothing. I just put up a blank word document and wrote. It's the idea I talked about in my last post and the one I am most passionate about. As of this moment, my priority is writing - promoting my self-published books is there in the background as something I will do when I can and all the other projects have been scrapped completely as they were acting like a dark cloud over my brain. None of it was making me happy and writing does so that is what I am going to do.

Normally in life before I embark on a change - whether it be weight loss or working towards a goal - I want a fanfare, a big resolution, documentation to mark down the exact moment I started something but this time I decided I needed to just do it. In the past it's always been the case that I can only get on with something after I have done all these pointless things and planned correctly. A.k.a., wasting time.

This blog probably comes across as a bit erratic and my views and goals seem to change every single post but that is life - things change, priorities change and life gets in the way.

My next blog post will probably come to you from Switzerland as I am there for work until 3rd April. Like I said in my last post, I am not going to have much time so my one goal for the week is to fit in some fondue. There you have it, a cheesy end to a cheesy post.

Until next time.

Monday 21 March 2016

The life of a self-published author...

...appears to be 75% working on other things so you can live/eat/breathe, 20% marketing and promotion of books that have, at present, minuscule sales you can't live on, 4.9% faffing/procrastination and 0.1% actual writing time, but you are so tired from the other things that you collapse in a broken pile of aspiring author instead.


I am struggling to manage my time effectively enough to get down to what I apparently want to do as a career. I don't even have time to read a book and I STILL haven't found out what happened to that blasted couple in their romantic log cabin that I started reading LAST YEAR.

I am away later in the week for work for 8/9 days and will have no time to do anything then but the week after that, I have some real time off to potentially get everything in place so I can actually get on with writing again. I have been thinking a lot about the idea I talked about last year here and the desire to really get into again is taking over my thoughts. I am passionate about the world, the characters and story I have created - I just need to translate it to paper. The hard part. YAY! Also, there is a giveaway up on Goodreads to be in with a chance of winning one of THREE signed paperback copies of WEIGHTING TO LIVE which you can enter here or click on the giveaway widget to the right hand side of this page >>>

Books I didn't need from
Poundland in all their glory.
And one more thing: just get me out of Poundland. Last Friday, I 'innocently' went into Poundland for cotton gloves and came out with TEN BRAND NEW BOOKS. I have already documented my love for Poundland in a post here but if you weren't aware, the books they have in there are ridiculously good. I can't understand how they can sell them so cheap but I won't question it and just buy more books ... then stroke them (true story).

I will be back when I have anything worth saying/got more books from Poundland.

Until next time.

Monday 7 March 2016

A beautiful pastel pink and green book haul from the unlikeliest of places...

I went a little wild on a shopping spree last week and spent a total of ... FIVE POUNDS (somebody stop me). What is this shop of wonders, I hear you ask? Poundland. Yes, I went into Poundland and came out obsessed. Such is life, I only went in for one thing...

In the midst of my new obsession, I somehow inadvertently made sure to keep my purchases colour coordinated. I am truly in love with the colours together and instead of putting them away, I have kept them next to me in a pile and spent my time picking them up, stroking them, then putting them down again and getting withdrawals. Let's take a closer look at the books now, shall we?

I can honestly say I never thought I would ever utter a sentence that included the words 'bought a book by Dannii Minogue' ... but how could I leave this ONE POUND book behind when it has a shiny pink title!?!? I have flicked through it and from what I have seen so far, it's jam-packed with glamorous things that my real life is definitely lacking at present. It's a bit of fabulous fun with a pink colour combo which dreams are made of. The other purchase is the cookery book Second Helpings of Roast Chicken by Simon Hopkinson and judging by the cover of this book alone, which I want to eat, I think it's safe to say that counts as a successful cookery book buy regardless of what is in the damn thing. Apparently it's a sequel to Roast Chicken and Other Stories that was voted the most useful cookbook of all time. I have just checked on Amazon and they are selling it, brand new, for £13.48 ... so that pretty much equates to the greatest moment of my life.

I also bought the ONE POUND dvd of Bridget Jones: The Edge of Reason because HELLO, it's Bridget Jones.

Finally, these two loves of my life are something that I can't wait to use. My mum bought the larger one a couple of weeks ago and from the moment I saw it, I knew I had to have it. Apart from everything to do with my self-published books, I have been working on a lot of other things so to have an organiser of sorts which keeps everything together but at the same time, separates it all, is a must-have purchase. I also bought the small one because the large one would get lonely. I was doing the right thing.

I should also mention that the books are gently resting on wrapping paper I bought from Poundland which I want to plaster my walls in.

My plan after writing this post is to put the damn books away and move on with my life before I marry a notepad.

Until next time.

Thursday 3 March 2016

If I hear the word niche again I may implode.

If I want to succeed, I apparently must write within my specific 'niche' and stay there to really draw in the readers, then take all their money selling exorbitant books. I may be, at present, an unsuccessful, penniless writer with a solitary one star rating behind me on Amazon *breaks down* but I would rather have that, than put out shoddy eBooks with 200+ five star reviews from 'fans' just to make money. My favourite eBook of that kind being from a 'self-publishing guru' who said he had made all these people successful teaching them how to sell books and told us how we should do the same in his flowery eBook but in conclusion said he struggled to sell his books. Wow. There is one exception to the rule though: Joanna Penn. She is an author of both fiction and non-fiction books who has made a lot of money self-publishing and has a whole series dedicated to my nemesis: book marketing. She also has an utterly brilliant website called The Creative Penn (here) which is cram-packed with helpful information and tips. I follow her on Twitter and find her to be honest, clear and factual without making me want to be physically sick.

Things have been extremely busy with me and the more my determination increases, the stronger my lightbulb becomes. I work every moment I can and when I have a moment of downtime, I get up and start working again. I want this badly. I want to do the things I love for a living and work entirely for myself. I also changed over my covers (read all about that saga here) and updated the cover for my paperback CHANGES. I am so happy with how it turned out and next to WEIGHTING TO LIVE, I think they really complement each other. There are so many small jobs to do still that on their own, don't take too long but put them with a thousand other jobs like it and it ends up taking much longer than anticipated. It's exciting though and I won't give up.

I also want to talk about a book haul I have (...with a twist) but I'll save that for another post seeing as I have already gone on too long, as per.

Until next time.

Thursday 25 February 2016

An unexpected reaction

The day has come, I've received my first bad book review on Amazon ... and how am I feeling about it? Pretty great actually.

I was curious how I would feel when I got my first bad review and of the plethora of emotions to choose from I was definitely not expecting a concentrated form of excitement. Really. I work early mornings every day and as my shift progressed today, my excitement built on how I was going to promote my book and get it out there. I mean granted, this review could not have come at a more inappropriate time seeing as I am in the process of marketing and promoting the damn thing but it almost feels like a test to see how I will react to it and so far the result is that it has given me fire.

Like I have mentioned on my blog before, I was housebound with a really bad skin condition for well over two years and I think after going through something like that, it gives you a thick skin (in my case, quite literally) and you don't sweat the small things any more. I am actually hoping that this review has the opposite effect to what the reviewer wanted and customers actually want to know WHY it was so bad and buy it. Time will tell but basically I'm fine and accept that it's all part of the process if I truly want to do this as a career.

Since my last post I have been busy pottering away on my books - changing over the covers everywhere, which I absolutely LOVE, and ticking things off a to do list that is taller than I am (and I'm TALL).

Thank you to the reviewer who inspired this post and made me excited ... but please don't review my books again.

Until next time.

Wednesday 17 February 2016

The cover saga lives on!

Set to the music of the Martin Guerre 1999 cast album (natch) and Barbra Streisand (my new obsession ... but let's be real, I've always been obsessed - call it an obsession renewal), last Saturday, I finished the covers for CHANGES: A SHORT STORY COLLECTION and SIXTEEN MONTHS ... I think (we've been here before, I can't say anything's set in stone with my track record in the cover department).

First, here is what both covers looked like before:

If I was being kind I would
call it pleasant.
May I present the dullest title
font ever seen on a book cover...

They were better than they were, oh GOD yes (exhibit A & B here and here), but they aren't right and definitely wouldn't sell based on these covers. Looking at the covers from the perspective of a customer, I wouldn't buy them so why would I expect anyone else to? I thought I would break down a little further the ideas and 'changes' both covers have been through in the last couple of weeks:


CHANGES: A SHORT STORY COLLECTION

I had approximately 50,000 ideas for this cover and approximately 50,000 of these ideas were absolutely useless. I started going down a direction I got excited about here:

 

...but by the time it started to look like this:


...I knew it was time to move on.

I then played around with the font that I had used on the WEIGHTING TO LIVE cover a bit more. At first, I really wanted to keep all four images I had used on the original cover but as time (and desperation) went on, I thought it might be better to just have one powerful image that might hook a reader opposed to four possibly confusing and messy ones. To me, the feather was the most interesting out of the four so I started there and after a little while I had this cover:


I really liked it but felt the feather disappeared into the light-coloured background somewhat. Next, and I have no idea how it happened, an accidental click on the cover coloured the whole page black and turned into a breakthrough. Against the feather, I felt the black was really striking. Because I wanted to continue the same colour theme as WEIGHTING TO LIVE, I made the font the light grey/lilac and ended up with this:


To me, it was simple but exciting and felt it would (hopefully) make a reader curious about what was going on inside the damn thing. I added the writing in orange to the bottom to continue the colour theme and hey presto! Here is my final (again, we think) cover for CHANGES:



SIXTEEN MONTHS

Unlike CHANGES, I had absolutely no idea what I wanted to do with this cover. First I thought about 'tarting up' the calendar theme that I was already using but after getting bored of the sight of it, I realised that if I am bored working on the idea, someone isn't exactly going to say 'Oh darling, I am so bored by this cover, let's buy it IMMEDIATELY!'. With that, it was scrapped quicker than you can say RIVETED. Here are a couple of my attempts at flogging a dead horse:



After that debacle, I thought about using a single image for the cover like CHANGES but when that didn't work, I knew it was (again) time to move onto the next (non-existent) idea.

One thing that did come out of those lack-luster attempts was the fact that I absolutely loved the orange colour next to the black of CHANGES and the lilac/grey of WEIGHTING TO LIVE. An idea out of nowhere then came to me about using different fonts in black against an orange background and after 10 minutes of tinkering, I had this:


I emailed it to my mum and her reply was this: 'Love, love, love it and love the chosen passages. Well done. Sold!

I then spent a couple of days working on different versions using really polished, professional-looking fonts, faffing about with the positioning of the title and other bits and bobs ... but nothing looked as effective as that first mock-up cover I made in 10 minutes. In the end, and after a lot more faffing, all I did was shift up two quotes and move the title slightly over to the right on the blasted mock-up cover I made in 10 minutes. There were also a couple of gaps between the different quotes so I decided to add in some more words that I will leave for you to find yourself:


The new covers will be going up in the next week or so and this time they have me really excited. Here are the three covers together:


In semi-related news, my light-bulb has been tested severely but is still on. I think I have just got to the point of no return which is exciting, daunting, wonderful and scary all at the same time. I want to do this and I can't go back because there is nothing to go back to. I have been at home with my mum for a few days as I have the week off from work and it's been utter bliss and really given my mind total clarity about what I want - if someone was to ask me right at this moment What do you want to do? I would say without a moment's hesitation, I want to work for myself. I am working damn hard to make that happen and achieve it doing the things I love....

Right, you get no pictures in a post for a while then ALL THE PICTURES so I think that's enough for one day...

Until next time.

Monday 8 February 2016

The real perfectionism

I will keep this post brief and say that I seem to be getting somewhere. Since my blog post last Monday when I said I had a light bulb moment, I am pleased to report that it's still shining brightly. Granted, at times I really have to hold that switch up to keep it from going out and there are definitely moments when I've had a bit of a power cut and the light has gone out temporarily making me feel disappointed but in my book WEIGHTING TO LIVE when the girl says 'Sometimes I fail, sometimes I don’t. I’m human', I think she is onto something. I am trying to remember that I am doing the best I can in my current situation and not to beat myself up if I slip up.

Last week was even more manic than the week before that but because things weren't as stressful, and I was in a much more determined headspace, it was fine. I know more and more every day that things must change and I am doing everything in my power to make that happen. Sometimes there is an immense feeling of frustration because I want to do everything at once and want desperately for things to change quickly but I know that time and patience must be my best friends if I truly want to succeed this year and I must not give up like the 1 BILLION attempts in the past where I have taken the easy option and quit.

Another thing, I have been watching those ghastly YouTube webinar videos on how to sell more kindle books and even though I know I have to promote them, it does still make me want to be violently sick on one of those internet 'entrepreneurs'. None of them have a love of writing - it's all about making money so in turn you are left with the ruthless people hitting the best seller charts and others unable to find a gap in the ever-growing market.

Another HILARIOUS fact I found out was that at LEAST 4,500 new kindle eBooks are published every day ... yep, I have a lot of work to do.

Until next time.

Monday 1 February 2016

Last week woes and thoughts

*Cue dramatic flailing of arms* I didn't get much done on my books last week ... I tried my best, really I did, but when I say it was one of the most stressful weeks of my life, I mean it. Wowza. I have to say though that weeks like that really hit home just how much I need to change my life completely. That sounds dramatic but it's true. Sometimes it takes certain (awful) situations to really hit home that cold, hard fact.

Since I got better nearly 6 months ago (YAY!) my life has changed dramatically for the better but I am still not doing what I should be. I am working really hard ... but in areas that don't matter. I fit in when I can working on my books etc and do it to the best of my ability but I should really be focusing on that and the other things I truly want 100% instead of getting waylaid and bogged down by the stuff that doesn't matter in the grand scheme of things.

I had a light bulb moment on Saturday morning after something bad happened and that feeling has stayed with me for this brand new month of February. Things need to change. Things must change. I am half excited, half terrified of the challenges that lie ahead but I have to grit my teeth and just do it. In the past I have felt like this but it's been more of an energy-saving light bulb that fizzles out completely than an old school blinding one that stays just as bright ... I feel I might be one of these stronger bulbs for once.

This period of my life has changed me and how I view everything for the better so in the midst of the bad, I am grateful for it because it's leading me to a place I truly want to be.

– GET ME DR. PHIL STAT –

Again, another 'life-affirmation post' to add to the pile of corn. Not going to lie though, a strong desire to read a Judith McNaught book is gaining momentum inside me...

Until next time.

Monday 25 January 2016

I've only gone and done it

So, SHOCK HORROR, I actually did everything I wanted to last week and read through ALL my books I have self-published ... I also somehow completed this while working, looking after myself more AND finding balance. I'm feeling pretty disconcerted about it all (I don't feel disconcerted about it in the slightest but I just LOVE saying/typing the word D-I-S-C-O-N-C-E-R-T-E-D). Reading through them again also made me immensely excited to start promoting them properly as I am actually quite proud of all of them and think they deserve at least a shot of doing well. In the past, when I was going through my books, I had read them so much that the words lost all meaning and I could nearly recite them verbatim (yay for editing!). It had been such a long gap since I'd had to read them that at last my objectivity returned and I could see them for what they are. Extraordinarily in WEIGHTING TO LIVE, there were three grammatical errors that I can't believe I didn't see before. I had gone through that damn book with such a fine tooth comb that you would never be able to get it through hair. Grammatical error exhibit A: 'What I can I do for him today?

How did I miss that?!!?!?

Well enough of that, the plan for this week is work (VERY, VERY hard) on getting my covers for CHANGES: A SHORT STORY COLLECTION and SIXTEEN MONTHS to a standard I am happy with. I love the covers for my books WEIGHTING TO LIVE and CIRCLE, A SHORT STORY and want to feel the same about the other two too. I have absolutely no idea how long this will take as it's something I refuse to rush but I will update you on this (NEVER ENDING) saga when I can.

On a slightly related note, today feels like the real start of the New Year for me in pretty much every aspect of my life. I am ready now to put my heart and soul into getting my books out there and reaching all my goals. It's going to be hard, I know I'll question my sanity at least twenty times (a day) but I want to look back on this year and know I've done everything I could because I truly want to do this.

I am sorry these posts are all rather samey but I won't have any money spare until the year 2056 so cheeky book hauls (involving Judith McNaught) are out for the foreseeable future (SOB!). This blog is to document my journey as a writer and I am writing exactly how it is. Let's hope the books do well so I can change this STAT!

Until next time.

Monday 18 January 2016

Taking time to save time

Alright I admit it, I haven't done a single thing I wanted to do with my books etc in the last couple of weeks *breaks down*. Now I have that off my chest, I feel much better. *EXCUSE WARNING COMING UP* Even though I thought work would calm down, I was wrong and instead I have been working long hours each day and have had so much to do that everything, including looking after myself, has taken a backseat. Because of that, I have basically been left completely and utterly exhausted but yesterday, I organised my life enough to work out a proper schedule AND NOW I AM FINALLY FREE TO WORK ON MY BOOKS! Even though I still have the same amount of work to do as before, I have sorted out my days better to fit in more but not at the expense of my health.

So the plan for this week is to read through all my previously self-published books to get quotes from them for promotional purposes - if I can. I have been trying to do a million things at once recently and I think that has left me, ironically, with absolutely no time and less achieved. Something happened last week that really changed things for me: basically if I had taken more time on a project, instead of rushing it to save time, I wouldn't have WASTED as much time as I did and not have a poor end result. That experience taught me to take more time and do things properly ... and I am going to do exactly that! Like I said in my last post, I want to find balance and I can't do that by rushing everything. I would like to have read all my books by the end of this week but if that is not possible, I want to know that everything I have done, is done to the best of my abilities.

Hopefully my next blog post will be me saying I'VE ACTUALLY DONE SOME WORK ON MY BOOKS. Oh and I forgot about Tweeting more ... lol.

Until next time.

Monday 4 January 2016

Finding balance


Verbier, Switzerland
It's the start of the new year and officially the first day back to work for most people in the UK ... but it's pretty much the opposite for me. I was working non-stop all through December and now finally it is calming down so technically I should have the time to dedicate to writing and my career. Instead of going all guns blazing into 2016 and working til I drop though I have decided to chill out and find balance.

My plan is still to work on my books a lot but also take time to really look after myself. When I was in Switzerland on a work trip last week, I felt really run down and showed signs that if I didn't sort it out, I'd get unwell again and then in turn, not be able to achieve anything this year. On New Year's Eve I felt absolutely exhausted and I decided to change how I was going about things. So this week I am going to try to reread all my self published books to get quotes from them for promotional purposes but not panic if I don't get it done. I am also going to be chilling out by catching up on some books I have wanted to read and finishing off a romance novel about a man and a woman in a snowy Vermont cabin - the stress of wondering if they will get together is just too much...

I think I will do weekly updates for the foreseeable future to let you know how I am getting on. The cover saga, a.k.a. the bane of my existence, will commence when I am a little better.

I am SO excited about this year and have hilariously lofty goals but with the change in my attitude, they don't look so lofty any more.

Until next time.