Yet more indulgence, but a different outlook

No waffle today and I am cutting straight to the point. I did a lot of thinking this weekend - about so many things really, but one point in particular was the way in which I conduct myself and the version of me that I want to share with the world. Whilst I do value honesty (so much), I do believe that by projecting the negatives in black and white on this blog will only perpetuate the negativity and give it the right ingredients to grow into a much bigger problem, and so I am choosing not to do it anymore. That doesn't mean I will not share how I am really feeling from now on, but more that I will choose to give it to you differently. I have always loved life and been a total optimist, but over the last year especially, I have let that side of me be chipped away by fear and insecurity. I have decided I am not going to let it any more - at least as far as this blog is concerned, and in that department I have total control. I can choose exactly how to feel about something, how to deal with it. I will share a few points I have jotted down since my last post about what I have been up to, and although some of them may come across negatively, I am sharing how I was feeling at the time - before I decided I was going to do things differently - and because of my aforementioned love of honesty, I thought I'd give them to you exactly how I wrote 'em.

On Sunday 12th January, I felt bleak again. Naturally, more indulgent poetry was written, followed by a very indulgent phone call with my mum after I sent her said indulgent poetry which concerned her greatly. During the day I also started to think more about a new idea for a short story I'd had earlier in the week and that night, I wrote 1,037 words of it.

The following evening, I had the most wonderful time. I was cosy and warm as the rain poured outside and spent a couple of very lovely hours working on the short story and ended up writing 2,333 words.

On Tuesday night, even though I was tired, I curled up on the sofa again and as the wind howled, I wrote a further 2,025 words.

I decided to have a break on Wednesday evening (15th Jan), but the following night I continued working on it and roughly finished the first draft, writing another 1,465 words and bringing the total up to 6,860.

Last night, I read through it, tarting it up as I went along, and officially finished the first draft which came in at 7,028 words. You might say that the first draft was actually finished last Thursday, but I never feel like it's truly done until I've been through it once before sending it to Mum. It's my little tradition, with these short stories in particular, and something I enjoy immensely.

I think I shall leave it there. I mentioned in my last post that my life for the next few months will involve a lot of editing, which I still plan on doing. My priority is the non-fiction book I wrote last November before working on the three short stories I have written since then. I have made very few social plans, and I don't intend on making any more until I am done. I plan to completely lose myself in these projects that I loved writing so much, and I am very excited to do so ... thought I'd end on a positive.

Until next time,
Cara x