Corona is still a thing, I'm still furloughed as a result of it, meaning I still have time, and of all my mistakes, I know I can look back on this strange period of my life and feel reassured that I've done the best I can with it. That doesn't stop the negative voices from creeping in and telling me that I could be doing more during the times where I dare to take my foot off the pedal for even a moment. I've battled feelings like this for years and it's ironically always been my downfall. I've never been very kind to myself, but for the most part, I'm ok and embracing this period of my life as best I can. I'm also trying to remember that this time is not normal, therefore what we do within it, won't be normal. I've found that the time also feels thicker to me - like I'm wading through mud. But I haven't sunk yet, and I don't intend to.
For want of a better word, I've been good. Good as in I'm trying to find the positives of the situation and holding onto them then discarding the aforementioned negatives where possible. With this gift of time, I've been able to do things that I've not had the time do to before and also take up old activities I love which I only stopped doing in the first place through fear. I've also started running and have just finished week 3 of the brilliant NHS app, Couch to 5K. I have had a phobia of running for many years and for a very long time, I thought, 'I can't do that!' Turns out I can. I've said that about a lot of things in my life and formed an opinion based on flimsy evidence until it's concrete. So there you go. I shan't be running marathons any time soon, but I can run for 3 minutes now without stopping and to me, that's amazing.
I've received some overwhelmingly lovely messages about my books recently (especially the non-fiction ones) and even though it isn't my full time job yet, the satisfaction I feel knowing others are responding well to my work is just wonderful and makes the tiredness and sacrifices I've made over the last few years, worth it. Today, you've already been treated to almost three paragraphs of waffle and I still haven't mentioned what I've been writing and working on since my last post, and it's quite a lot actually, so without further ado, I'll get on with it.
The main project I have been focussing on is the draft I wrote as part of NaNoWriMo last year and on Monday 6th April, I picked up where I'd left off earlier in the year and did a rather intense first edit of it, which I finished the following Friday (10th April). Straight after finishing it, that evening, I decided to write an additional chapter for the book which ended up being 996 words long. The total word count after the first edit was 63,726, so it basically went up by 10,000, although a lot of the words were just there for editing purposes. On Tuesday 14th April, I started going over those edits with my chief (only) sounding board and editor, my mother, for around 4-5 hours a day and on Saturday 25th April, we finished, bringing the current total back down to 52,548 words.
On Monday 27th April, I went through the book again, which I finished two days later before working on those edits once more with Mum on Thursday and Friday. I had planned to start another read through/edit this Monday (4th May) but to be honest, I don't think I was in right head space for it and the words were almost a blur on the page every time I tried to look at them. Probably doesn't help that somehow around working on this book, I've also written three new short stories totalling 19,472 words. I shall elaborate ...
SHORT STORY #1 (yay for a return to bullet points)
- I started writing the story on Thursday 16th April after having the idea for it earlier in the week and ended up writing a total of 1,126 words.
- On Friday 17th, I pottered about with the story for a bit and wrote 478 words.
- After a few days break from it, on Wednesday 22nd April, I wrote 1,077 more words.
- Over an hour during the day on Thursday 23rd April, I wrote 1404 words, then in the evening, I wrote another 950, but I was very distracted.
- On Friday 24th April, I wrote a total of 2,354 words.
- In any spare moments over the day on Saturday 25th April, I wrote 841 words.
- On Sunday 26th April, I finished the short story which came in at 7341 words before finally sending it to Mum.
SHORT STORY #2
For a few days, the idea for another short story had been brewing and on the evening of Wednesday 29th April, I wrote 1,095 words. That Thursday, I wrote 1,006 words in an hour or so during the day then in the evening, I wrote a further 1,163 words. On Friday 1st May, I looked at it for a bit, pottering and adding the odd word and changing bits and bobs, but nothing more. The next day before breakfast, I wrote 1,411 words then afterwards, wrote another 978 words and ended up finishing the story, coming in at 5653 words in total, which I then sent to Mum.
I had a very up and down experience writing this one. A lot of the time it felt like a slog, with little bursts of inspiration along the way which made up for the slogginess - I don't care if that isn't a word.
SHORT STORY #3
A little while ago on a very dark day mentally earlier this year, I started working on a new short story and wrote around 350 words. On Monday 27th April, I decided to start working on it again, bringing up the total to 725 words, but had to give up soon after as I was so tired. I tried writing it again on the 28th and 29th, but had to stop once more due to tiredness. To be perfectly honest, I don't think I was in the right place to do it, but on Monday 4th May, after not being able to edit the NaNoWriMo draft that I have already discussed above, I was ready to work on it again and although I was not in a good headspace, I think, due to the subject matter, it actually helped. Before and after breakfast I wrote 1,360 words, then between the afternoon and early evening I wrote a further 1,551 words.
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| Aforementioned pancakes. |
Again, this short story was a bit of a slog at times where I had little bursts of excitement along the way, although they were certainly short lived.
In non-word count news, I decided to rejoin Twitter at the end of last week and I actually feel like this time will be right for me after previous attempts have felt a little forced, maybe. So far, I'm using it to track my word counts (always about the word counts) along with other silliness. Since my last post, I have also made the decision to not write any more until I am at least close to making it my full time job. Whilst you know if you have ever read this blog before that I have a serious allergy to marketing, I need to do it (sob). I am now making some money as a writer, but not enough to live on, and whilst that's amazing, I know I cannot return to a life of writing around my full time job - I'm just too old and tired for that. I want to have time off and not feel guilty about not using it to write. I want to watch a film and not think about what I could be writing. I want to read a book in bed without thinking about all the stories I could be plotting. I'm tired. I love writing, but I don't love the crazy early morning starts and lack of a social life. Although I still have the NaNoWriMo draft and six short stories to edit so for now, that will be my life before I can even think about marketing (yay!).
Before this turns into a British War and Peace, I think I will have to end it here, so until next time,
Cara x
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