The Thief of Dreams

This picture has absolutely nothing to do with
the blog post but I like it and it's the
Royal Wedding today so...

She's gone quiet on us again boys, but does her blogging silence mean she has finally given up on writing? 

...of course not, darling.

A writing/life update will be coming to you in the next few weeks, I just thought it was about time that I posted a little piece I wrote well over a year ago that I did in the hope of being published on a popular writing blog ... which naturally closed down before I could actually send it to them. It is as relevant to my journey now as it was when I first wrote it so I thought why the hell not post it here instead...

To me, there is nothing more terrifying than the moments where you feel like giving up on your dreams. The times where your self-belief goes on strike and all you are left with is the crippling doubt and fear that you are doing the wrong thing. If someone were to try and steal something from you, your desire and sheer force of will to hold onto what they were attempting to take would kick in and make everything else go out of the window. So why when it comes to our self-belief, are we able to willingly let our dreams be taken from us? And from the most feared of thieves out there; ourselves.

I should probably introduce myself, for I am the guilty thief of many of my most cherished dreams – killing ambition in its tracks through fear I’d just end up failing, or packing it all in when I’d start to hear the small but insistent voice in my head telling me I am no good. Now, as a woman nearing thirty, I have a whole list of crimes to my name, and all the thief has left me with is regret.

About four years ago I started writing and even from the very beginning I knew, without a doubt, I had found the thing I wanted to do for the rest of my life – it just felt completely right … but did that stop the thief of dreams from trying to rob me once more? Of course not.

In the last four years of my relatively short writing journey I have learned many invaluable lessons that have helped me grow as a writer but recently, I realised, the most important lesson I’ve come to understand is three small but powerful words: don’t give up.

I am currently in the process of marketing a book series I’ve self-published via Amazon and truly believe it has an audience out there somewhere ... but trying to find them on the other hand, especially when the competition is so fierce, is daunting. So far, what little feedback I’ve had on my series has been fantastic, but there are still moments where I feel like everything I am doing is fruitless and times where it seems pointless to even bother, leading me to inevitably question if I am any good in the first place.

So far, the thief has tried everything it can to make me quit, knowing my weaknesses and exploiting them but so far, I have clung onto my little dream of being a writer for dear life and have long since passed the moments in the past where I would have just given up. I am now the Kevin McCallister of thief dodging.

But after everything we have been through together, I think the thief is happy for me, even brushing away a tear from its balaclava-clad cheek.

I have nothing to fall back on – I don’t have a degree and I’d be at the bottom of any career ladder, tripping clumsily over the first step, but you know what? If all I come away with is a hefty amount of self-belief and the will to persevere then that will be the most fulfilling, worthwhile experience of my life. I finally feel like I am getting there because I believe I am.

I have always been helplessly drawn to the extremes – I can either be a dreamer or my toughest critic and I succeed and fail in my estimation at least a thousand times a day.

But would I change it?

I wouldn't dream of it.

Until next time,
Cara x

BIG News!!!

Instead of me writing a whole new post, saying exactly the same thing, I thought it would be easier just to paste this over from my TSW/trichotillomania blog (here)...

***

I have been sitting on this news for MONTHS now - waiting (im)patiently for the time where I would be able share this with you all. Well, the time has finally come and it brings me great pleasure to be able to tell you that ONE OF MY BOOKS IS GOING TO BE PUBLISHED!!!

I will start at the very beginning and try my best to tell you all in a nutshell exactly how it happened...

Last December I was contacted by Trigger, a new independent publishing house dedicated solely to mental health who were interested in publishing one of my books that I had previously self-published on Amazon: MY DATE WITH A RAZOR about my battle and eventual recovery from trichotillomania and dermatillomania. After speaking to them further, and doing quite a bit of research, I couldn't think of a better home for my little book and so in early January, I signed with them and here we are!

Since the beginning of this year I have been working on and off with my lovely editor Stephanie to expand the existing book; create more chapters before and after the diary of my journey to recovery (which makes up the main body of the book) and implementing changes that will hopefully make it the best it can be. It's my first time working with a professional editor/publication house which has been such a valuable experience and to be able to see how a book comes together has been priceless and so very exciting. They also changed the title to EVERY TRICH IN THE BOOK which I absolutely love and is so much better than the original.

Last Thursday Trigger released the cover for my book and here it is!!!!

I genuinely can't believe how beautiful it looks. I wanted something pretty but this completely blew all my expectations out of the water.

Here is the blurb:

Since her early teens, Cara Ward has suffered from trichotillomania (hair pulling disorder) and dermatillomania (skin picking), two forms of mental illness that are still often hidden away in shame. Feeling embarrassed and confused by her own behaviour, Cara kept quiet about it for years. 

But in June 2013, she was left housebound by a condition called Red Skin Syndrome. The only way to get better was a harrowing and difficult withdrawal from all topical steroids. Despite her anxiety and doubt about whether she was doing the right thing, she kept going and made a full recovery. As a result, she knew that she could “beat her own mind” and overcome anything else she put her mind to. 

And so, over a period of just seven weeks, Cara documented her struggles to gain better control of the disorders that had left her scarred and ashamed for years. Through sheer determination and willpower, Cara found a way to get to the best place she’d ever been with her trichotillomania. 

Every Trich in the Book details Cara’s triumph over trich and derma, using humour and honesty along the way.

The book will be released on 9th July (UK) and 15th October (US) and you can preorder the book here.

It's looking like it will be a couple of very exciting months for me, with my five year TSW anniversary coming up in June then my book release in July. I will be talking very soon about my journey to publication in a post on my other blog dedicated to my writing journey (here), so definitely keep an eye out for that if you want to find out more.

To be honest, it was only when I saw the 3D cover to my left last week that it suddenly felt like an actual book and not just some lovely dream.

Who would have thought five years ago that I'd have clear skin that wasn't reliant on any drugs or that one of my books was going to be published - I hadn't even started writing properly back then and it was only a what if on the back of my mind.

Life has the ability of changing beyond your wildest dreams. Trust the journey you are on and always remember that your current situation is only temporary, no matter how permanent it might feel.

So much love to you all <3
Cara xxx

Playing Catch-Up

You know, I've really missed blogging so it makes me immensely happy to be able to write another post for you today. I don't really know who 'you' actually is as due to my hilarious lack of marketing, my little piece of the internet has remained a mere ghost - so really the you is indeed me. This is both my blog and personal writing journal and in the gaps where I haven't been able to update these neglected pages, I have felt at times like I've left a piece of me behind.

In my last post I mentioned that I had just handed in my edits for something very exciting and as I still haven't received any notes or the all-clear that I'm finished, I have been left with unexpected time where I haven't wanted to get stuck into to another writing project for fear I'd quickly have to break off so instead, I've been making the most of it by reading all the the books that have been gathering dust on my bookshelf. I think I have said this before but having unread books in my possession makes me feel immensely uncomfortable. I am one of those people who gets pleasure from putting a newly read book onto a shelf ... yes, I lead a very sheltered life.

Since my last post I have read four books, although I will only be discussing three of them because I don't want to say anything negative about another writer. What made it disappointing was the fact that the book in question was a new release from an author whom I usually love - so let's pretend that didn't happen and move onto the books I actually want to talk about...

The Making of Gone with the Wind by Steve Wilson

Straight after reading the actual Gone with the Wind, as I wasn't ready to leave war-torn Georgia yet, I picked up this beauty which is an in-depth behind the scenes look into one of the greatest films of all time. Made up of letters, photos and trivia, the book is an utter delight and like opium for the Gone with the Wind addicted. It gives an insight into 'The Making of Gone with the Wind' before, during and after filming with photos and art that will take your breath away. A book that's just as beautiful with or without its lovely wrapper (may I present the photographic evidence for your inspection). A MUST read for fans and film-lovers alike.

It is available here (UK) and here (US).

Big Magic by Elizabeth Gilbert

From page 8, when Elizabeth writes the line ‘The universe buries strange jewels deep within us all, and then stands back to see if we can find them', I was hooked. A small but mighty book that will truly make you believe there is magic out there and inspiration is this living, breathing thing. What struck me the most was how much it resonated with me. I sometimes find myself detached from these creative ‘self-help’ books but I found myself agreeing with so much of what she said. She tells personal stories of people she has met in her life which highlight the 'big magic' she believes so strongly in. Her writing style is quirky and humorous and I can't wait to read more of her books in the future.

It is available here (UK) and here (US).

Writers' & Artists Guide to How to Write by Harry Bingham

A book I decided to buy on Amazon recently for the simple reason that I felt I should - I thought it would be a good idea to have more of a technical book on writing in my possession. This book is a guide for authors on the ins and outs of writing, especially with the intention of writing for publication. I have a confession to make: as a rule, I really don't like these kind of books. It's not because I believe they are beneath me, certainly not, and they are currently so far above me that I am somewhere close to the earth's core. It's more that I think these books take away from the fact that writing is first and foremost a creative pursuit and to have all these rules, stems the flow of inspiration. I think it's what stopped me from admitting to myself that I wanted to be a writer for so long - the feeling that it was only meant for a select few and not open to anyone who simply had an imagination and a burning desire to write. This one though is pretty good, although I’m not going to lie to you all and say my back was not putteth uppetth when, in the introduction, he wrote this corker of a line:

'[of his own fiction] it stands at the fancier end of commercial: the sort of thing that intelligent people could read on the beach without having to hide the cover in embarrassment.'

I know I said I wouldn't say anything negative about a writer, but if you are going to write a line like that then you've only got yourself to blame, dear Harry.

Anyway, enough of that, this book is a solid place to start if you are looking for a general 'how-to' writing manual. It is well laid out and at the end of each chapter, there is a summary of what has been discussed over the previous pages (which I might have been guilty of skipping to at certain chapters). At the start of each chapter are quotes from well-respected (and some, dare I say it, pretentious) authors offering valuable insight into various aspects of writing. I know I should really utter 'the craft'  at some point in this post but to do that would give me a stomach ache. To be frank, most of the book is common sense with one 'helpful' tip not to write boring prose ... hmm. Ok, I've realised this sounds like a pretty negative review. I don't mean it to, but it's very hard for me not to say something and pretend, through a fear of being shunned from a world I desperately want to remain a part of. After saying all that, I still enjoyed reading it and Harry has put a lot of thought into it. There, something positive.

It is available here (UK) and here (US).


So there you have it. My editor has just told me she will be sending all her notes/edits she has within the next couple of days so until then, you shall finding me reading, naturally.

Until next time,
Cara x