Facing my fears

I am going to keep this short(ish). I just wanted to do a little writing/life update...

Towards the beginning of May, I received my third and final round of edits from my editor Stephanie for EVERY TRICH IN THE BOOK, which I handed back four days later and since then, I have been working mostly on my WEIGHTING TO LIVE series. I have read through each book a few times and made small edits whilst working on acknowledgements, dedications, doing some cover research, planning and writing a new author bio, which will go up once I get it approved by my editor.

I have also changed my author photo (...we'll pretend it wasn't taken over ten years ago). I wasn't planning on changing it but a while ago, Trigger (my book publisher) asked me to send them a handful of photos and this is the one they chose and after seeing it again, I realised I wanted to use it too. Even though I have gone through quite dramatic changes physically in the time since it was taken, I don't feel like I differ *too* much from the girl in the photo - that, or I'm simply being delusional.

Trigger also made me this beautiful banner to use for my Twitter account which I absolutely love and am mildly obsessed with the blonde against the red hair. In Twitter related news, I have been doing my best to Tweet more regularly and am really enjoying it. I'm certainly not prolific, but at least I am tweeting more than once a year.

Lastly, I have been doing a lot of thinking recently about the novel I have been banging on about since the dawn of time. I have talked about it a lot on this blog but if you weren't aware, in a nutshell, I have written two drafts of a novel - the first nearly five years ago and the other, well over a year ago. My initial plan was to work with the two drafts I already have but after some soul searching, the answer was blindingly obvious, which I decided to ignore for a while as it would mean a HECK of a lot of work but after hearing that V.E. Schwab had to rewrite Vengful (the sequel to Vicious which is out this autumn), I just knew I had to face my fears and admit that I too need to rewrite the whole thing. The story and characters have been in my life for well over five years but to be perfectly honest, I don't think I have been ready to write this book, until now. In that time I have not only developed as a writer, but know exactly what I want to do with it and now have (limited) experience on my side. The earliest version of it was the first draft I ever wrote of anything and was written whilst being very ill. The second attempt was made during a very hard time for me mentally and in writing it for a third time, I hope I can make it everything it truly deserves to be. Call me corny but I believe this is the book (series) I am meant to write, so I want to do it justice. I will be reading through it when WEIGHTING TO LIVE is completely finished then see how I'm feeling about it then. Who knows, I might decide against it and just work with what I already have but in my heart of hearts, I know what I need to do.

...Talking of V.E. Schwab, I received some very special post recently in the form of the Forbidden Planet Signed Collectors Edition of VICIOUS. I read Vicious a few years ago and absolutely adored it and once I finish my current book (THE THORN BIRDS by Colleen McCullough), I think it's about time for a reread.

Before this post turns from 'short' to long, I will bring it to a close ... so until next time,
Cara x

The Thief of Dreams

This picture has absolutely nothing to do with
the blog post but I like it and it's the
Royal Wedding today so...

She's gone quiet on us again boys, but does her blogging silence mean she has finally given up on writing? 

...of course not, darling.

A writing/life update will be coming to you in the next few weeks, I just thought it was about time that I posted a little piece I wrote well over a year ago that I did in the hope of being published on a popular writing blog ... which naturally closed down before I could actually send it to them. It is as relevant to my journey now as it was when I first wrote it so I thought why the hell not post it here instead...

To me, there is nothing more terrifying than the moments where you feel like giving up on your dreams. The times where your self-belief goes on strike and all you are left with is the crippling doubt and fear that you are doing the wrong thing. If someone were to try and steal something from you, your desire and sheer force of will to hold onto what they were attempting to take would kick in and make everything else go out of the window. So why when it comes to our self-belief, are we able to willingly let our dreams be taken from us? And from the most feared of thieves out there; ourselves.

I should probably introduce myself, for I am the guilty thief of many of my most cherished dreams – killing ambition in its tracks through fear I’d just end up failing, or packing it all in when I’d start to hear the small but insistent voice in my head telling me I am no good. Now, as a woman nearing thirty, I have a whole list of crimes to my name, and all the thief has left me with is regret.

About four years ago I started writing and even from the very beginning I knew, without a doubt, I had found the thing I wanted to do for the rest of my life – it just felt completely right … but did that stop the thief of dreams from trying to rob me once more? Of course not.

In the last four years of my relatively short writing journey I have learned many invaluable lessons that have helped me grow as a writer but recently, I realised, the most important lesson I’ve come to understand is three small but powerful words: don’t give up.

I am currently in the process of marketing a book series I’ve self-published via Amazon and truly believe it has an audience out there somewhere ... but trying to find them on the other hand, especially when the competition is so fierce, is daunting. So far, what little feedback I’ve had on my series has been fantastic, but there are still moments where I feel like everything I am doing is fruitless and times where it seems pointless to even bother, leading me to inevitably question if I am any good in the first place.

So far, the thief has tried everything it can to make me quit, knowing my weaknesses and exploiting them but so far, I have clung onto my little dream of being a writer for dear life and have long since passed the moments in the past where I would have just given up. I am now the Kevin McCallister of thief dodging.

But after everything we have been through together, I think the thief is happy for me, even brushing away a tear from its balaclava-clad cheek.

I have nothing to fall back on – I don’t have a degree and I’d be at the bottom of any career ladder, tripping clumsily over the first step, but you know what? If all I come away with is a hefty amount of self-belief and the will to persevere then that will be the most fulfilling, worthwhile experience of my life. I finally feel like I am getting there because I believe I am.

I have always been helplessly drawn to the extremes – I can either be a dreamer or my toughest critic and I succeed and fail in my estimation at least a thousand times a day.

But would I change it?

I wouldn't dream of it.

Until next time,
Cara x

The Balancing Act

This picture has nothing to do with the post - I
just suddenly decided I wanted a picture
here ... enjoy.

Forgive me whilst I try to come to terms with the fact that a month and a day has passed since my last post. These entries are for no-one but me - a diary in which I can look back over everything that has happened in my relatively short writing journey. I am very different now to the girl who started this blog back in November 2014, well over three years ago. Over time, I have drifted from my little piece of the internet as I felt like my posts were starting to merge into one another with no real news to report - the gaps between posts becoming wider and wider until they were gaping chasms. One constant through the years is that I love writing. Four and a half years ago when I first put pen to paper (more like fingers to keyboard), I knew exactly what I wanted to do for the rest of my life and during all the highs and lows, that has never changed - what has though is my approach to the journey I have ahead of me. One thing that appears to have remained the same is my unparalled ability to waffle - I haven't even got to the point of this post yet but somehow I have already written a rather meaty paragraph. I shall try to keep the rest of this post brief.

Since my last post the emotions I have experienced are overwhelmed (is that even an emotion?!) followed by deflated then hopeful and lastly, excited - that is how I feel right now as I send this post into the ether. A lot has happened in my bookish world. I still have a long way to go but for the first time, I actually feel like the path I am on is the right one. I have made many mistakes in my short writing life but now I realise that I needed to make them as I most certainly wouldn't be in my current situation without them.

The day I self-published my book, 'CURING MY INCURABLE ECZEMA' was the day I put up my last blog post and I can honestly say I was not prepared for the support and love I received. I was blown away. The book currently has SIX five star reviews on Amazon and Goodreads which so far remains unblemished by a lower rating. I mean, people told me leading up to publication that they couldn't wait to buy it but I never expected they actually would. I wrote this book for me - a way to finally be able to move on from those two years of mental and physical pain and I was not only able to do just that, but I also had a book I had written that I was immensely proud of. Now, I have my journey in one place and that feels wonderful. I have to say it's been a little surreal seeing people post pictures of it on places like Instagram and Facebook - amazing, of course, just a little mad. About ten days after publication though, I started to feel slightly flat. My life had been the book for over two months, a period of my life where I completely burrowed away from the world in order get it done and with that, and the most incredible reaction upon publishing it, when it all died down, I felt like I had lost that spark. I missed being desperately consumed by a project and so in mid January, I decided to re-evaluate my goals - work out exactly what I should do next and when I had written down everything I knew I needed to do, I found hope was slowly trickling back into me. It's funny, but I remember whilst walking to work on one of those very flat days, asking for guidance, and I got it - a voice in my head telling me exactly what I needed to do. It told me that the first thing was to change all the covers for my 'WEIGHTING TO LIVE' series. If you have read my blog before then you will know this is an ongoing saga in my life but for the first time, I have been able to look on the situation objectively and have realised that I need to get them done professionally. I am currently saving up and should have enough to do it next month as they are certainly not cheap. I am also working on a couple of other things relating to the series but as it's still (very) early days, I will keep all that to myself, for now.

After deciding on what had to be done with that particular series, I knew the time had come to start working on the draft of a novel that has been part of my writing journey from the very beginning, and something I have blogged about many times before. Last week, I started reading through said draft, which I coincidentally finished today. I haven't been writing long enough to say this with any kind of real experience but there is truly no feeling more wonderful than reading through a draft of a book you have written which shows real promise and makes you more excited than you have ever been. I have been working on this particular world and characters on and off for a long time now and it has gone through many changes but I feel like now is finally the right time to finish it and make it a real book. This June will mark five years since I started working on it and I plan for it to be the last. I have not given myself any deadline but the book will be my primary focus.

I'll also be doing little bits and pieces of unobtrusive marketing for 'CURING MY INCURABLE ECZEMA' as I think I should - it would be daft not to. Lastly, I have just signed a contract for something rather exciting which I will share with you when I feel like the time is right. I should really be shouting it from the rooftops but until I feel like it's safe to do so, I shall keep shtum. The fabulous thing about it is that even if it doesn't work out, it's still a very exciting thing to happen in the first place - ooo cryptic...

So we currently stand at four different book projects that I am currently working on, which will be done whilst in full time employment. What I need to achieve with such limited time is daunting and scary but it is also exciting knowing that every day I am working towards a career I desperately want. I have told all my friends that I am in hibernation mode for the foreseeable future so I literally have nothing to do but work on reaching my goals.

Oh my goodness, this really was a long post. I genuinely didn't realise when I sat down to write this that I'd have much to say ... I was mistaken.

I shall not make any promises as to when I might be back, dear writing diary friend, but I will return at some point and I think I have given you quite enough to be going with for a little while at least...

Until next time,
Cara x

And just like that, six months passed...

You probably think I had given up but the funny thing about writing is that I know I never will. Instead of writing a whole book trying to explain what has happened in my life over the last six months, I thought it might be wise instead to share some of the highlights in manageable, bite-sized pieces:

Cover for
CURING MY INCURABLE ECZEMA

• I moved to London in July and now live with my best friend, which is pretty much exceeding all expectations.
• Barely a week after moving, I started a new job which is just fabulous.
• I decided to settle in and enjoy my time in London so I spent the summer and early autumn making many enjoyable mistakes and really living life to the full - seeing friends, collecting memories and generally loving life.
• On 6th November I suddenly decided I wanted to finish the book I started working on back in March (about the skin condition I went through) by the end of the year and as a result, my life has been nothing short of insanity. 
• I finished said book which is available to buy NOW and is titled, 'CURING MY INCURABLE ECZEMA'.

Since early November it's been 5.30 a.m. starts and no social life writing and editing it but honestly, I've loved every single minute of the process. The subject matter is very close to my heart and something I am immensely passionate about. Red skin syndrome was my life for well over two years and even though it was extremely tough, it's something I feel privileged to have gone through as it not only gave me great skin but taught me exactly what's important in life. I have uploaded a little video where I talk about the book in more detail (which can be found here). 

A couple of weeks ago, something that could potentially be very exciting on a bookish level happened but until it's confirmed, I shall stay quiet and instead keep everything crossed that it works out.

I will leave it there for now (I told you it was going to be a short one...) and simply say Happy New Year!

Until next time
Cara x

SaveSave

Soon.

- Update coming soon -

*How very mysterious of me

And breathe...

Oh my GOD the last few weeks have been intense to say the least. Both personally and with everything to do with my books and blogs, a lot has happened and it's impossible to take it all in. Brace yourself, I actually plan on keeping this post short (well ... short-ish).

I mentioned in my first post since changing my name from Lily Divine to Cara Ward that I probably wouldn't be putting up old blog posts but after reading through them all, I realised I actually wanted them up - I might be masquerading under a pseudonym in them but I think they're important. They document most of my journey as a writer so far and for that, I am eternally grateful for their existence - to have a record of how it has been and how much I have done. It also made me realise that I have been following the same pattern for years and everything has ended up staying the same - I've had lightbulb moments galore, inspiration, excitement, doubt, fear then ended up making excuses as to why X hasn't happened or how Y is still in the works. On the flipside, I have still achieved so much in my relatively short writing life and besides, life is unpredictable, things happen out of our control and nothing is simple - you are doing the best you can. Life gets in the way and it has the ability at times to unravel even the most ironclad of plans.

My Twitter account has continued to be neglected - I mean, I am using it a lot but mostly so I can scroll through my feed for news, along with liking and retweeting stuff, but I can safely say that nothing original has come out of my account in quite some time. I finally sorted the paperbacks for WEIGHTING TO LIVE and CHANGES but a few weeks ago, after something fabulous happened, I decided to make one for SIXTEEN MONTHS too and within 24 hours, not only had I formatted the book file, sorted out the cover and uploaded it, it was live and available to buy on Amazon worldwide. I am astounded by how fast Amazon KDP is and exceptionally impressed with the quality.

Since my last post I have also been sorting out any remaining Lily Divine switchover admin, book covers and their alignment, book descriptions on amazon and many other fun jobs of that ilk BUT most of my time has been spent on my Trichotillomania diary which I self-published late last week, titled MY DATE WITH A RAZOR. It took a lot of work but I am amazed by how much I was able to achieve in a short space of time. I read through it twice in the end, making little corrections and edits after both read-throughs, I made a cover (which I am OBSESSED with), formatted the kindle and paperback editions and finished the trailer this Monday (which you can watch *here*) and apart from tying up a few loose ends this week, I am completely DONE!

When things finally settle down (I feel an excuse coming on...), I plan on working again on my non-fiction book about the skin condition I went through while also working on the draft I finished late last year which I have talked about in many previous posts.

I'm feeling very positive - I'm not going to beat myself up for what I haven't achieved and instead celebrate what I have done, which is quite a lot actually.

Cara x

A Mad Month

I am going to attempt to update you on everything that has happened in the last month or so in as few words as possible. Heaven help me, I shall also try and do it in chronological order as well...

Late last year, I finished writing a draft of a novel that I am very excited about but kept putting off reading through it for fear it would be terrible and all my excitement was for nothing. On Thursday 6th April 2017, I decided to stop being scared and just do it ... AND IT WAS GOOD! Relieved, I then read through it again and ended up with a TWELVE page list of all the bigger and smaller things that need to change. The bigger issues were mostly parts where I had dropped a load of information just to get it down but now have to find a way for it to be seamlessly added to the book without it becoming more of an encyclopedia than a novel. After reading it again I think it's definitely, structurally at least, pretty spot on - I'm happy with the characters, the story and order of events etc - but I need to concentrate a lot of my energy into the first third of the book which isn't as fully formed as the latter two thirds. The first part is the introduction to the world, the characters and story etc and when a major event changes everything, that is when the book really gets interesting and I want to replicate that in the first bit. Not much has to happen per se, more just working on the way it's written and for it to be compelling enough to make the reader want to carry on reading to the exciting parts. I am also in a fruitless dilemma that I am in love with at least three of the male characters. Bummer. With everything going on with the Lily Divine to Cara Ward name change, I haven't been able to do much more with it than that but the second I have more time, I'M ON IT.

I have talked in the past about wanting to use Twitter more and now, I'm doing just that. I mean, I still don't tweet that much but, very slowly, I'm getting there. At the moment, I'm mostly retweeting anything I like and also interacting more with people I follow as before, I was only observing and not getting involved. Now, I make a point of liking the things I like and commenting on the posts and tweets that inspire me. I also have a new girl crush: Victoria/V.E. Schwab ... I say new but really more of a renewal of love. I already adored her work as a writer but as I didn't use Twitter much before, I wasn't aware of just how fabulous she is as a person. She is so honest and open about life as a writer and never fails to make me feel better and less alone. She also wrote a wonderful blog post that can be found (here).

Before I get onto the steps I've taken to transfer my books and social media etc from Lily Divine to my own name Cara Ward, I also wanted to mention that late last year, after suffering from Trichotillomania and Dermatillomania for more than half my life, I finally found a way of managing both compulsions. Over the weeks where I worked out how to effectively deal with both Trich and Derma, I wrote a diary of my journey which I have decided to self publish. Initially, I posted the diary on my other blog www.cara-pace.com but due to the personal nature of my diary, it felt more appropriate that I self-publish instead. I will be working on that from Monday but if I have time, I'm going to try and read it through before the end of the week

Now onto everything Lily Divine/WEIGHTING TO LIVE related...

After making the decision to change from Lily to Cara, I had to update all my social media accounts which was easy but after that, I decided, if I wanted my books to be the best they can be, I had to read them through again as I think I've developed and matured as a writer since 2015 when I first self-published them. On the whole I was happy with all three books and any changes made to WEIGHTING TO LIVE, CHANGES and SIXTEEN MONTHS were minor. I started working on those edits on Monday 1st May but after I had finished, I decided to read through them again, just to be safe and found a few more little tweaks and changes. My mum also read through them for me, a fresh pair of eyes to potentially spot any mistakes and typos I'd missed.

This week, I gave my covers a bit of a makeover (separate post coming very soon) then changed the font and names etc on my book trailers. For relatively small jobs, they took much longer than anticipated. There have also been MANY other jobs along the way that I've had to do but I think you get the gist of what's been going on. I also took author photos on Thursday night and decided on the one I've included in this post (*hiya*) then uploaded the eBooks which have now gone live but as I still need to sort out the paperbacks, I won't be publicising them just yet.

As per, after a pointless vow to keep this short, many words have been written so I will stop there for now and promise to be back soon when all my books are good to go.

Cara x

"Because I'm worth it"

This is going up a day earlier than planned as I'm doing something shocking: I'm going out, and to a place that isn't my local supermarket - I'm even getting on a bus and everything. I say it's shocking because my life has been hermit chic for quite a few months now and my days on the whole follow the same pattern: up at 6 a.m. - eat breakfast and work for an hour or two, followed by a power walk that ends in a trip to Sainsbury's before I sit for the rest of the day in front of my laptop. Living the dream basically. I should probably be lamenting the fact I haven't got much of a life at the moment, especially for a woman in her late twenties, but really, more than anything, I just want to get on with the hope that if I keep working hard and don't give up, maybe my life might be a bit different someday soon.

After realising last week that I was going to do book marketing MY way - less businesslike and more creative - I've been very busy. One of the first things I did last weekend (I think it was then anyway) was put up the prices of all my books on Amazon. WEIGHTING TO LIVE went from 99p to £2.39 for the eBook (here) and from £5.99 to £6.99 for the paperback (here). The eBooks for CHANGES and SIXTEEN MONTHS went from 99p to £1.99 and the paperback for CHANGES (here) went from £2.99 to £3.99. There were many reasons for the price increase, one being that potential buyers might have thought a lower price meant my books weren't as good but mostly, I did it because I'm proud of my little book series and a lot of time and love has gone into them and I think they deserve to be a higher price. Surprisingly, with the relatively small amount of marketing I've done so far, I've had a few sales, so it hasn't seem to put anyone off.

I also did something a little cheeky. On my Pinterest page under my real name, one of my boards (called FASHION LUST) has over three thousands followers (no idea why though) and so I decided to pin one of my book trailers for WEIGHTING TO LIVE to the board as I felt the move wasn't IN YOUR FACE marketing and could easily get lost, but there might be a chance that at least one of those three thousand people might watch the video and want to find out more. On Monday, I also posted one of the quote pictures I talked about in my last blog post and plan to put one up on Twitter and Pinterest most days until they run out. I also set up a brand new Facebook page for Lily Divine as for reasons unknown to me, it's apparently imperative I have one and finally, much to my abject shock, I've continued to tweet and really enjoyed myself.

On Tuesday afternoon, I decided to tackle a few books I really wanted to read and after finishing #GirlBoss, I moved onto Writers' & Artists' Yearbook 2017 (here) and had the most wonderful time reading it. With every page I devoured, the more excited I felt about writing. If you are an aspiring writer like me, the book is a MUST - not only is it a directory for all the publishers, literary agents etc out there, but it also includes many wonderful articles from established writers and industry professionals that I found so helpful and gave me a lot of insight. It's the kind of book I'll continue to dip in and out of in the future because I learned so much. Feeling inspired yesterday, I then reread a few of my favourite bits from Stephen King's On Writing which I adore before I had a massive clearout. A perfect couple of days basically.

And so here we are, on a chilly Thursday morning at the start of a new month with the hint of spring in the air and a faint hope that things will work out ok.

Until next time. 

Winging it

There is something ever so disconcerting when you realise it's already been two weeks since your last post but only feels like a handful of days. It's been a busy few weeks. The first week was taken up mostly with work on other projects that needed to get done but I still managed to do bits and bobs with regards to book marketing and definitely didn't waste any time. Amongst other things, I worked on and finished some promotional pictures which I'm going to use on social media that have some catchy/memorable quotes from my books. Here are some examples:

It wasn't until the morning of Monday 20th February however when the planets finally aligned and I was ready to get my books out there and by the afternoon, I'd done so much research and sorting that I even tweeted:

Are you more shocked by the statement above or the fact that I tweeted something? Yes, I have been tweeting this week and it feels good. Even though I wanted to use Twitter again for marketing purposes, to be perfectly honest, I've enjoyed using it again for me and for now, I'm going to do it just for me and see what happens, because sometimes these things need to grow in their own time.

Apart from that, I bought the Writers' & Artists' Yearbook 2017 which I plan on reading after I've finished #Girlboss and I have been doing LOTS of research on book marketing. On Monday I binge watched The Creative Penn's YouTube videos *here* (which I've already discussed before and am a fan) and also found interviews with top self-published authors on how they sold so many books. It's funny, but after a while, the more videos I watched, the more I realised that their methods, which worked wonderfully for them, just aren't right for me. For a start, most of the people I watched started marketing years and years ago when there was MUCH less competition and the likelihood of being seen was easier. One of the authors said 'Something had to be done when I was only selling six books a day' and all I was thinking was Girl, you sold six books a day without marketing?!!

Midway through the week I did some thinking and feel that if I want to really succeed in this already oversaturated market, I've got to come up with a different way of going about things - a new angle. The other reason for wanting to do things a little differently is that every author I watched treated their books like a business and not as a passion. I know that sounds dreadfully simple of me and I know I've talked about this before but it really does bother me that I've got to do all this stuff completely unrelated to writing and books, like build up a mailing list etc, to be successful as a self-published writer. I JUST WANT TO WRITE! I want to write when I want to write and not feel under pressure that I've got to produce X amount of books per year to keep readers happy and buying. I hasten to add I am not having a go at these authors - I like them and their books very much and totally respect what they are doing but I just want to be me. I want to write because I love it and sell books because people like them. I don't want it to be this clinical business where I start to resent writing.

As the title suggests, I'm going to wing it somewhat - try stuff out to see what sticks and probably fail along the way - but most importantly, keep a firm grip on three important, but easily forgotten, words: DON'T. GIVE. UP. I believe in my little book series and think they have an audience out there, I just need to find them. Easy...

Until next time.

Book Trailers, Animation and Harry Potter, oh my!

I shall try to keep this short but I felt it imperative that I update this little blog ASAP when I realised that on the 14th of this month, it would have been two months since my last post. As to why I haven't blogged, I have no excuse really but I will say that time is going so quickly that it's hard to keep up with everything. My blogging absence doesn't mean I have not been working on my books though - FAR from it. Since my last post, things have been busy to say the least. I spent the last few weeks of 2016 working like a madwoman on my website - nothing to do with books though. It's more a site that combines two of my biggest passions: writing and spreading awareness for the skin condition that left me housebound, along with a few other light-hearted subjects like Trichotillomania (the compulsion to pull out your hair). Work on my website continued well into January but when I had set everything up, I was finally able to move on to the thing I had been dreading since I self-published my WEIGHTING TO LIVE series back in 2015: book marketing. Yes, the time has truly come to put my heart and soul into promoting my book series but the abject horror of even the thought of it before has turned into an exciting challenge and now I think I am in the right headspace to really go for it.

The first job on the list was making a book trailer for WEIGHTING TO LIVE. Initially, I was just going to do the one but I got so into it that I decided to make two, along with another for CHANGES. As I have zero experience in filmmaking, I was a little unsure what to do for the best. To me, a 'live action' trailer was out of the question as I didn't have a good enough camera to make it look professional, nor the right props or scenery, so I went with what I thought was my only viable option: animation. I'm talking like I knew how to do that - no big deal, I'll just animate the next Lion King. I've never really done animation before - bar a project when I was in primary school and ate meals in lunchboxes - but I had an idea of how I could potentially make something appear to be moving, along with a bunch of pictures taken from my book covers, some (strained) patience, the YouTube Audio Library and Windows Movie Maker. At this point, I had a few thoughts of what I could do for the trailers but they didn't really take any shape until I started listening to potential music I could use via the YouTube Audio Library. Very quickly, all these ideas jumped out at me and I had a shortlist of songs and a starting point. The first trailer came together after about 2-3 days and by the time I had finished it, I knew exactly what I wanted to do for the second and in another 2-3 days that was done too.

With the trailer for CHANGES, I knew I wanted to take it in a completely different direction - less upbeat than the two for WEIGHTING TO LIVE - but again, it wasn't until I listened to more music from the YouTube Audio Library that I knew exactly what I was going to do. Armed with pictures from the original cover, I got animating. I feel it important to say they are not Pixar's answer to a book trailer but I am very happy with how they all turned out and put across the message and feeling I wanted them to. I enjoyed myself so much that I all I wanted to do afterwards was animate EVERYTHING. Here are the three trailers:

WEIGHTING TO LIVE Book Trailer #1

WEIGHTING TO LIVE Book Trailer #2

CHANGES Book Trailer

And so, that is where we are now - the book trailers are up and I suppose my desire to keep animating is more to do with my reluctance to get on with the nitty gritty of book marketing than anything else. I have a list as long as my arm of things that need to be done and from now on I am going to be blogging regularly as I try to navigate the world of book marketing that still leaves me feeling slightly nauseous. I obviously want people to buy my books but not at the expense of being pushy or becoming one of those 'book entrepreneurs'. Essentially, I don't want to lose the love of writing to be successful - the end goal is to write for a living, and not sell my soul in the process.

In other news, remember when I said that after I had finished my draft I could finally read Harry Potter and the Cursed Child? Well, I did that so naturally, I bought the book and was VERY excited to read it ... but as I was so busy setting up my website etc, I didn't have a chance to read it until the start of January when I came down with an awful cold and forced myself to rest. And what did I think of said book? To be perfectly honest, I think I'd find it hard to be an objective reviewer for something like Harry Potter as, let's be real, anything from that series I'd have given 5 stars BUT I did enjoy it. More than anything it was an absolute joy revisiting characters that I love and essentially grew up with. I would (and will) definitely read it again and even though it's had mixed reviews, I'd recommend it. I will say that I am a little mystified as to why (the goddess) J.K. Rowling didn't write it herself but it's still worth a read.

And well would you look at that? My vow to keep this short has naturally meant I've written the next War and Peace so I'll say goodbye, for now, and promise to be back soon with more tales with the girl who hates book marketing.

Until next time.

Feeling refreshed

I am back from my much needed blog holiday. Nothing mind-blowing happened in my absence but it's been a rather lovely mix of working, socialising and spending time with the people I love the most. I also read the Judith McNaught book I talked about here and it was exactly what I needed - glamorous hot people with ridiculous dramas in one well-written pretty book. In nice book review-related news, I got another four star rating for my book WEIGHTING TO LIVE on Goodreads ... in not so nice book review-related news, I got a one star rating for my short story CIRCLE from, I think, the same reader. They are very different books in very different genres though so I am fine with that and I love the feedback - the good and the bad. It's definitely something to think about whether I should have just the one genre under the pseudonym Lily Divine (if you hadn't guessed, it's not my real name..).

Next week I shall be rewriting the book I have banged on about since the dawn of time. The idea for it still has me excited more than anything in the world and if I can just get it down on paper how it is in my head, I think it really stands a shot. This idea has been in my life for years now and I think the reason it has taken so long is a lot to do with fear. Fear it won't be as good as I think it could be. I'm definitely guilty of that way of thinking in so many areas of my life. It's easier in a way knowing it could be something rather than trying and failing. I reread the original draft for it last week and the massive word document that has all the changes for it is now closer to 7,000 words (yay...). On this most recent of read-throughs, it didn't magically need only a lick of literary paint, it still needs to be completely reworked but retaining, for the most part, the characters, story, world and some dialogue and passages.

For the rest of this week I am tying up a lot of loose ends so I don't have anything standing in my way. There is a lot to do but it's all so exciting I don't mind doing it. From next week I am aiming for about 10,000 words per week which in about 5 weeks could mean I potentially have a finished first draft ... but naturally, I am preempting failure. I mean, I've done it before but never with such a strict target. I am hilariously bad when under pressure. Take dieting - if I know my food intake will be cut slightly, I naturally want to eat all the food in the world and store up for the inevitable drought.

I shall be back late next week with an update of how I got on with my first week of rewriting. So basically I look forward to the inevitable excuses I will come up with of why I haven't written a thing.

Until next time.

Blog holiday

For the first time in over a year, I am taking a few weeks out of writing on this blog. I have plans and will talk about them when I am back but for now, let me share the exciting news that I KNOW WHAT HAPPENED TO THE HOT COUPLE IN THEIR SNOWY CABIN!!! Yes, I finally finished the book I had been reading (SINCE LAST DECEMBER) and it turned out to be a pretty fabulous read and exactly what I needed (basically a cute romance with a hot man, YES!) so if you are ever after the same thing, I'd definitely recommend it. It's called Sleigh Bells in the Snow by Sarah Morgan (here).

I'm off for now but will be back soon with tales that probably don't involve me in a cabin with a hot man.

Until next time.

Celebrating the return of an old favourite (obsession)

Judith McNaught is back in my life and I couldn't be happier about it. After working so much recently, I decided to treat myself to a couple of books that I have wanted for ages! One is a book I have already read (and loved AND blogged about here) and the other is a JUDITH MCNAUGHT BOOK I HAVEN'T READ!

I repeat, IT'S A JUDITH MCNAUGHT BOOK I HAVEN'T READ!!

I think it's time to see the books, don't you?

I bought them both from The Book Depository here. What I love about the website is that they offer free worldwide delivery regardless of how much you spend ... and the fact you are able to get different editions of the same book that you might not be able to find so easily is pretty great too.

I went for the US 10th anniversary edition of On Writing : A Memoir of the Craft (link to buy it here) because ... cover.

The price is worth it for the spine alone.

I just love the design of the Double Standards cover - it definitely doesn't scream 'I'M A ROMANCE NOVEL!' Buy it here.

Not a bare torso in sight!

Reading is such a pleasure and something I haven't been able to do for a while (I still have no idea what has become of the ridiculously hot couple in their bloody cabin that I have been reading about since LAST YEAR) but I am pushing myself to make the time each day to read. If I want to be a writer, I think it's important I read as much as possible. Basically this is short for LET ME READ THE MCNAUGHT, PRONTO.

Until next time.

Priorities

Mother,

Photographic evidence of my fondue of dreams
(From Le Caveau, Verbier)

My week in Switzerland was wonderful. Like I mentioned in my last post I vowed before I went that I would make the most of the trip and even though I was there for work - some days working very long hours - I really did make the most of it. Every moment I wasn't working I was exploring the beautiful town of Verbier and I have one very special memory on my night off, when I was high up in the town staring around me at the darkened mountains and distant chalets snaking up the mountains lit like Christmas tree lights, feeling (quite literally) on top of the world...and most importantly, I had the fondue of dreams that night. A pretty perfect working week.

After Switzerland I spent a very special 6 days with my mum and since then it's been crazy! This week started off exceptionally well with a very nice surprise in the shape of a 5 star rating on Goodreads for my book WEIGHTING TO LIVE. Apart from the one star stinker of a review on Amazon - which we will never talk about again (...and that I blogged about here) - the feedback for the book has been wonderful. I've been doing a lot of thinking where the marketing for it is concerned and at this present moment I just can't justify the time it would take to commit to doing it right. I think what helped me make this decision was reading a lot of interviews with the self-publishing phenomena that is Rachel Abbott who said she spent 14+ hours a day marketing her books and I just don't have that time what with working and everything else. So for now I am leaving it all to fate and hoping for the best, tinkering when I can, but I just want to write so that is what I am going to do. For the next four days I will be working long shifts but after that, I am going to reread the draft of my book that I have banged on about more than Judith McNaught (and that's saying something). It's the idea I can't leave alone and the idea that makes me really excited.

I will be back on Monday with another blog post. CLUE: It involves Judith McNaught (See? I told you I mention her a lot...).

Until next time.

I have really turned a 'page'

Taken from the balcony - I'm not even joking.

I am writing this post from Verbier in Switzerland and having a rather lovely time. I am here for work but since I decided to change things up a bit and get rid of all my excess baggage that I talked about in my last post here, there has been a subtle shift in how I feel about everything. Any free time this week has been spent exploring this beautiful town and just taking in being surrounded by the most incredible beauty of the mountains. No fondue as of yet but I have found the restaurant in which the fondue eating shall take place so it's only a matter of time now, my love.

I have been writing in tiny bursts when I can and have something I want to quickly talk about that has been a game changer for me: the app Pages. As I have been so busy recently and haven't had the chance to sit down properly at my laptop and write, I wanted something I could use on my phone so I could write on the go. I initially downloaded the Microsoft Word app but after finding that one a giant faff, I came across the app Pages that was already pre-loaded on my iPhone. With this (wonder of an) app, I have sent it all the word documents I've already set up with ideas for my book, plus old drafts, and am able to work on and refer to them whenever I need to. I have also been able to create new documents that I can email to myself in word format and download back onto my laptop. It's truly brilliant and means I won't waste any time and can just get on with it. With regards to the book itself, I am still bloody excited about the idea and the writing I have been able to fit in, I am immensely pleased with. At the pace I am going though I will probably finish it when I am in my fifties but with my new-found sense of calm, I'm just going to sit back, be happy and eat all the Swiss chocolate.

Until next time.

Getting rid of excess baggage

Pretty much straight after writing my last blog post I did some thinking about the amount of things I was trying to do in an attempt to change my life and ironically the way I was going, I would probably have had no success whatsoever and stayed exactly where I was. They say not to put all your eggs into one basket but by following that mantra, those darn eggs were bloody curdling. As my desperation to change my life increased, so did the amount of projects I took on, taking me further and further away from what I really want to do. I WANT TO WRITE GODDAMMIT!

So late last night, I started writing again - no planning, no big build up, no nothing. I just put up a blank word document and wrote. It's the idea I talked about in my last post and the one I am most passionate about. As of this moment, my priority is writing - promoting my self-published books is there in the background as something I will do when I can and all the other projects have been scrapped completely as they were acting like a dark cloud over my brain. None of it was making me happy and writing does so that is what I am going to do.

Normally in life before I embark on a change - whether it be weight loss or working towards a goal - I want a fanfare, a big resolution, documentation to mark down the exact moment I started something but this time I decided I needed to just do it. In the past it's always been the case that I can only get on with something after I have done all these pointless things and planned correctly. A.k.a., wasting time.

This blog probably comes across as a bit erratic and my views and goals seem to change every single post but that is life - things change, priorities change and life gets in the way.

My next blog post will probably come to you from Switzerland as I am there for work until 3rd April. Like I said in my last post, I am not going to have much time so my one goal for the week is to fit in some fondue. There you have it, a cheesy end to a cheesy post.

Until next time.

The life of a self-published author...

...appears to be 75% working on other things so you can live/eat/breathe, 20% marketing and promotion of books that have, at present, minuscule sales you can't live on, 4.9% faffing/procrastination and 0.1% actual writing time, but you are so tired from the other things that you collapse in a broken pile of aspiring author instead.


I am struggling to manage my time effectively enough to get down to what I apparently want to do as a career. I don't even have time to read a book and I STILL haven't found out what happened to that blasted couple in their romantic log cabin that I started reading LAST YEAR.

I am away later in the week for work for 8/9 days and will have no time to do anything then but the week after that, I have some real time off to potentially get everything in place so I can actually get on with writing again. I have been thinking a lot about the idea I talked about last year here and the desire to really get into again is taking over my thoughts. I am passionate about the world, the characters and story I have created - I just need to translate it to paper. The hard part. YAY! Also, there is a giveaway up on Goodreads to be in with a chance of winning one of THREE signed paperback copies of WEIGHTING TO LIVE which you can enter here or click on the giveaway widget to the right hand side of this page >>>

Books I didn't need from
Poundland in all their glory.

And one more thing: just get me out of Poundland. Last Friday, I 'innocently' went into Poundland for cotton gloves and came out with TEN BRAND NEW BOOKS. I have already documented my love for Poundland in a post here but if you weren't aware, the books they have in there are ridiculously good. I can't understand how they can sell them so cheap but I won't question it and just buy more books ... then stroke them (true story).

I will be back when I have anything worth saying/got more books from Poundland.

Until next time.

If I hear the word niche again I may implode.

If I want to succeed, I apparently must write within my specific 'niche' and stay there to really draw in the readers, then take all their money selling exorbitant books. I may be, at present, an unsuccessful, penniless writer with a solitary one star rating behind me on Amazon *breaks down* but I would rather have that, than put out shoddy eBooks with 200+ five star reviews from 'fans' just to make money. My favourite eBook of that kind being from a 'self-publishing guru' who said he had made all these people successful teaching them how to sell books and told us how we should do the same in his flowery eBook but in conclusion said he struggled to sell his books. Wow. There is one exception to the rule though: Joanna Penn. She is an author of both fiction and non-fiction books who has made a lot of money self-publishing and has a whole series dedicated to my nemesis: book marketing. She also has an utterly brilliant website called The Creative Penn (here) which is cram-packed with helpful information and tips. I follow her on Twitter and find her to be honest, clear and factual without making me want to be physically sick.

Things have been extremely busy with me and the more my determination increases, the stronger my lightbulb becomes. I work every moment I can and when I have a moment of downtime, I get up and start working again. I want this badly. I want to do the things I love for a living and work entirely for myself. I also changed over my covers (read all about that saga here) and updated the cover for my paperback CHANGES. I am so happy with how it turned out and next to WEIGHTING TO LIVE, I think they really complement each other. There are so many small jobs to do still that on their own, don't take too long but put them with a thousand other jobs like it and it ends up taking much longer than anticipated. It's exciting though and I won't give up.

I also want to talk about a book haul I have (...with a twist) but I'll save that for another post seeing as I have already gone on too long, as per.

Until next time.

The real perfectionism

I will keep this post brief and say that I seem to be getting somewhere. Since my blog post last Monday when I said I had a light bulb moment, I am pleased to report that it's still shining brightly. Granted, at times I really have to hold that switch up to keep it from going out and there are definitely moments when I've had a bit of a power cut and the light has gone out temporarily making me feel disappointed but in my book WEIGHTING TO LIVE when the girl says 'Sometimes I fail, sometimes I don’t. I’m human', I think she is onto something. I am trying to remember that I am doing the best I can in my current situation and not to beat myself up if I slip up.

Last week was even more manic than the week before that but because things weren't as stressful, and I was in a much more determined headspace, it was fine. I know more and more every day that things must change and I am doing everything in my power to make that happen. Sometimes there is an immense feeling of frustration because I want to do everything at once and want desperately for things to change quickly but I know that time and patience must be my best friends if I truly want to succeed this year and I must not give up like the 1 BILLION attempts in the past where I have taken the easy option and quit.

Another thing, I have been watching those ghastly YouTube webinar videos on how to sell more kindle books and even though I know I have to promote them, it does still make me want to be violently sick on one of those internet 'entrepreneurs'. None of them have a love of writing - it's all about making money so in turn you are left with the ruthless people hitting the best seller charts and others unable to find a gap in the ever-growing market.

Another HILARIOUS fact I found out was that at LEAST 4,500 new kindle eBooks are published every day ... yep, I have a lot of work to do.

Until next time.

Last week woes and thoughts

*Cue dramatic flailing of arms* I didn't get much done on my books last week ... I tried my best, really I did, but when I say it was one of the most stressful weeks of my life, I mean it. Wowza. I have to say though that weeks like that really hit home just how much I need to change my life completely. That sounds dramatic but it's true. Sometimes it takes certain (awful) situations to really hit home that cold, hard fact.

Since I got better nearly 6 months ago (YAY!) my life has changed dramatically for the better but I am still not doing what I should be. I am working really hard ... but in areas that don't matter. I fit in when I can working on my books etc and do it to the best of my ability but I should really be focusing on that and the other things I truly want 100% instead of getting waylaid and bogged down by the stuff that doesn't matter in the grand scheme of things.

I had a light bulb moment on Saturday morning after something bad happened and that feeling has stayed with me for this brand new month of February. Things need to change. Things must change. I am half excited, half terrified of the challenges that lie ahead but I have to grit my teeth and just do it. In the past I have felt like this but it's been more of an energy-saving light bulb that fizzles out completely than an old school blinding one that stays just as bright ... I feel I might be one of these stronger bulbs for once.

This period of my life has changed me and how I view everything for the better so in the midst of the bad, I am grateful for it because it's leading me to a place I truly want to be.

– GET ME DR. PHIL STAT –

Again, another 'life-affirmation post' to add to the pile of corn. Not going to lie though, a strong desire to read a Judith McNaught book is gaining momentum inside me...

Until next time.