Welcome to hell: the submission process. Part one, impostor syndrome

So this is my first post on the submission process as I seek to gain representation for my collection of short stories. I wanted to write this to basically offload some thoughts and feelings that have been swimming around my brain for the last few hours. 

I am unsure whether I am about to have a panic attack or not.

Yesterday, I began collating a long list of potential literary agents from the Writers & Artists Yearbook 2021 (a massive book filled with actual gold) and two minutes ago, I finished. Yesterday, I was in a great mood about it all, and positively bursting with excitement and nervous energy. But today, I am a mess and feel like a total impostor. For the last few hours, as I have looked at all these glittering agency websites filled to the brim with successful authors, all I've been thinking is, How could I ever be one of them? What's the point of me even sending in my pathetic bunch of tripe?!

I am trying to tell myself thoughts like these are just part of the process, but actually believing them today is tricky. Like I can see how I need to feel, but it's through a window that is locked so instead I'm standing outside in the cold, wistfully looking in. 

I've just had a conversation with my mum, who could not have called at a more appropriate moment, just as I was on the verge of the aforementioned panic attack. After a load of indulgence on my part, she told me that I need to stop looking at the bigger picture and instead focus on today and finish editing the short stories (which are nearly done), so that is what I am going to do, but with a slightly anxious heart.

Tomorrow, I will start going through the long list of agents in more detail. They say to only apply to 8-10 at a time, so I will use that as a guide to create a list that is right for me. I have about forty to go through, but I already know there are some that I have to apply to as soon as humanly possible, then others that probably aren't going to be a good fit. I am not going to rush the process and only apply to those that I feel are completely right for me.

I actually feel much better already for getting this all off my chest. Sometimes just sharing these feelings diminishes their hold on you to the point where they become manageable. And they all lived happily ever after.

Until next time

Cara x