Kill your darlings

Here we go again. A million years have passed since my last post, but as I've been doing a lot of writing and book admin recently, and a lot has changed, I thought I'd quickly share a little update. I've said it many times before, but primarily, this blog is a diary of sorts for me to be able to share anything related to my writing. 

After my last post, for the rest of 2025, nothing remotely creative happened, as work and my personal life were so busy. I also travelled to some wonderful places, including New York and Venice, which were even more wonderful than I thought they would be. December was the most social month of my entire life, and by the end of it, I was a husk of a woman. Roll on 2026, I was craving peace and quiet, which also allowed me time to think, and I realised that my life couldn't be further from where I wanted it to be with my writing, which made me feel quite sad. When you have bills to pay (I was working six days a week last year until November), and are also trying desperately to have some kind of social life, finding time to write is borderline impossible. Sorry, that all sounds like an excuse, but it's true.

I started the new year off with a bang. Opposed to trying to get my existing books out there and make enough to leave my day job. Instead, I've been looking at creative ways to make money, so when/if I have enough, I can leave my job and be able to focus on the writing which brings me joy. Short stories are something I am passionate about, but I've been told on multiple occasions they aren't commercially viable, so that requires time I don't currently have to try and market them somehow. I'm getting on well with my little sidelines, and just keeping everything humanly crossed that I can eventually buy one of the most precious commodities available: time. I just never seem to have enough of it, so for now, in order to get some, I've had to say goodbye to a social life... again. At this point, I'm a bit done with making any more sacrifices in my life. I'm 38 and, to be honest, I just don't have much left in my tank. All in all, I'm done in. 

As I said above, I've been doing a lot of thinking recently about my career, life, writing... the whole caboodle, and that has also included my books. By the time each book of mine goes out into the world, so much work and love has gone into it that, until recently, I think made me resistant to making big (and necessary) decisions. I'd been thinking about it for a while, but I finally decided to remove my non-fiction books, Stuff I'll Tell You To Do That I Won't Do Myself and My Date with a Shaver, from sale. I think I removed them in January (this year has been such a blur that I'm not 100% sure when anything actually happened...), and once I'd done it, I knew I'd made the right choice. Recently, I decided to do the same with my entire Weighting to Live series, which I've removed over the last week, so now all that remains is Curing My Incurable Eczema, Thirty-Minute Tales, Fancy That, #BeKind, Just Julia, and Knock Down Ginger. 

I think part of the reason I'd kept the now-removed books up there was to have more to show for all the years of hard work, and not really getting anywhere – can't think of another way of putting it. Taking those books away suddenly made my shelf look quite bare, and I've been left with a strange kind of vulnerability knowing that all that's left are the bare bones – or, to put a more positive spin on it, the foundations to (hopefully) build something better. 

I think it all boils down to the fact that sometimes you have to take risks in order to progress. There's that old quote abut killing your darlings, which feels rather appropriate here. We sometimes cling onto things that we know in our heart of hearts aren't right, for a myriad of reasons, but we've got to be less precious. It's both scary and exciting being in this position at 38 after 13+ years of writing to only have two full-length books and a load of short stories in my back catalogue, but what remains I am really proud of, so here we are. 

On a side note, oh my god there, is so much admin when you do everything yourself – it's taken hours upon hours to update everything, take all mentions of the old books away, and start afresh. With that being said, I've kept all references to the now-deleted books on this blog because I think it's important to be able to share the whole picture and not just fragments. 

I am not saying these decisions will magically offer me a career as a writer, but I do think it's made things clearer and less messy. 

One of my short stories has also had a rebrand. Before, when my Weighting to Live series was available, I put Knock Down Ginger on the same Amazon author page, as it seemed like the best fit at the time. But when I removed the series, it felt silly just having the one short story left on the author page, so I decided to change the cover, to match my other short stories, and move it over to one of my other Amazon author pages, which means I now only have two author pages, thank goodness, making it all feel a bit tidier. I'm really happy with the new cover, and it looks great with the other short stories available on that author page. 

Now that I've done all the painful book admin etc, I'm going to work on the other creative stuff to try and get me some income and time so I can throw myself completely into the books and writing I want to do.

Hopefully my next update will be in a future abundant in time and short stories.

Until next time, 

Cara x

I completely forgot...

...that this blog existed. 

This blog was created to act as a writing diary of sorts - a place to be able to document my feelings and share any bookish updates as an aspiring author/writer. The fact I haven't written on this blog for a number of years probably says everything. To sum it up in one tidy package: life got in the way, I had/have bills to pay, PTSD, and have gone about creating a life for myself somewhere new which has left very little time for writing. With that being said, I have still done some writing and my love of it remains, as well as a deep-rooted, desperate desire to do it as a career. I will try to sum up my life over the last 2.5 years:

• I've made a pretty great life for myself out of London. I moved somewhere new on my own which forced me to go out there and make a life for myself. I'm thrilled to say that said life was made, and moving here has hands down been one of the best decisions of my life
• I work six days a week between two jobs. Whilst I am not making my living as a writer, I do have two jobs I really like and work with a great bunch of people which I feel really grateful for. I did try last year, and the year before that, to get some freelance writing work, as well as look for a perminant writing position, but those attempts were rather woeful, and companies are only really interested in what's on your CV and not about the actual work ... which I totlly get, but then it becomes a chicken or the egg situation, so throw in the fact you have bills to pay and it's goodbye to writing
• Over the last few years I've self-published two short stories for free: Fancy That (which is part of my short story collection, Thirty-Minute Tales), and a completely new short story called #bekind that I'm rather proud of. They've gone down pretty well, and I've had a few sales of Thirty-Minute Tales as a result which is nice
• I also made my book, Weighting to Live, free which has been great and I just wish I'd done it sooner
• I self-published some trichotillomania and dermatillomania journals which are things I wish I'd had when I was trying to stop picking and pulling. So far, they appear to have been well received which is lovely
• In the last few months, my passion and excitement for writing fully returned when my friend told me about the most incredible writing competition. I won't mention anymore than that for now, but it involved me writing properly again, and that old love returned. I don't think I've dared throw myself back into writing for a long time because I didn't want to be disappointed. Sorry, I know that sounds completely pathetic, but life really does get in the way sometimes, leaving no time to write, so everything ends up passing you by and nothing's changed. I say this whilst also feeling really grateful for everything I have - it's just that I've suppressed this part of me for years because I haven't been able to make writing my job so I've just removed myself from it ... Putting away my tiny violin, recently, I ended up writing the start of three different stories that have made me really excited, so no matter what happens with the competition, I can't wait to work on them more. Each story beginning was written over a few days in July, and I just had the best time. Goodness, I would love to win (or even come runner up) as this competition would change my life ... but I heard that literally tens of thousands of people entered, so I am also realistic about my chances. The nice thing is knowing that no matter what happens, I am proud of my three entries and know I did my best - that's all you can really do, isn't it?

I think that's everything that's happened over the last 2.5 years (in a nutshell), so I suppose all that's left to do is talk about what happens next. Personally, I plan on living life to the fullest, and writing wise, I plan on writing, but with no pressure or panic - I've done too much of that over the last ten years, so now I'd just like to chill out a bit and live more mindfully and in the moment. 

Here's to life as an open book. 

Until next time,

Cara x 

Unplug

I'm breaking my typical bi-annual blog posts as I wanted to write a littlun in order to tie up a few loose ends before I unplug from technology – and yes, I could have just waited until my next post to update you, but my OCD tendency to want to wrap things up in a neat little bow wouldn't allow it. 

Happy New Year and all that – although, seeing as it's the middle of February, that ship has long since sailed, so we'll swiftly move on. I've actually had a really positive start to the year, all in all. This post has been written during my first official day of unemployment. It is a very strange feeling to not have a job – there is mostly excitement, seeing as this was my choice, but there is also confusion because I can't believe, after three months of telling people that I'm leaving, that it's finally here. But, no matter what, it was definitely the right time to leave. Not only was the commute just too much for me, I also knew the time had come to take a few risks and actually move towards the life and career I want. 

Since my last post, I have dabbled in a bit of actual writing and ended up with a finished first draft of a short story that I'm really proud of, which I wrote to and from work between Monday 30th January and Tuesday 14th February 2023 and comes in at a meaty 8,721 words. The quiet zone continued to be a party during that time, and definitely made it difficult to write on certain occasions, but I actually think by the end of it that I'd learned to channel out some of the noise and write regardless. Also, on Sunday 12th February, I worked on and added well over 1,000 words to the first draft of a short story that I think I wrote last year (I’ve definitely talked about it on this blog, but heaven help me trying to find where I'd discussed it amongst all the other waffle I’ve written) which currently comes in at 6,738 words.

OCD tendency fulfilled, all that's left for me to say is that I am now going to be officially signing off for a month to enjoy some real down time where I do nothing – and I mean nothing. One full month off where I try to get my head on straight, recover from some pretty deep trauma, and connect with the path I should have taken a long time ago. I feel like I’ve been walking down the wrong one for literally decades, and I am excited to find my way back to the right one again. I really feel like this is a fresh start, and I know that if I want to actually do the all the things I want to, first, I have to reset, regroup, then come back (peacefully) fighting. I have a feeling my month off will involve lots of yoga, meditation, cooking & baking, walks around town, and the occasional binge of a TV show. But I cannot say for certain what I'll be doing as I haven't lived it yet – exactly as it should be. 

And so, until next time,

Cara x