Goodbye 2018, Hello 2019

***Brace yourself for my customary sentence saying that it's been a while since my last post***

I know it has been a while since my last post, but I really wanted to write something brief (<<<lol) as a way of keeping this blog fresh, sharing any writer-related updates and also mention some resolutions I have for the new year. This blog is, after all, essentially my writing diary - a way for me to keep track of everything I have done up until now, and naturally be able to look back at all the hilarious mistakes I've made along the way as I try to make writing my full time career.

I think you could say that, all things considered, it's going rather well. I mean, I still have a day job but I'm going in the right direction and am now making a small income from the words I put out there. Life forces us sometimes to meander all over the place but I do feel as if I have a pretty solid path I am slowly but surely treading, whilst tripping and grazing my knees along the way. After releasing my new short story, Fancy That on 24th November, I was planning to move onto something new straight away but after a day or so of publication, I had a momentary panic that I needed to do some marketing for it so I spent a rather intense few days emailing what felt like every single booktuber and blogger under the sun... before very quickly (again) deciding I was going to leave it all to chance and rather concentrate on writing and not marketing.  I am in such an oversubscribed market as it is that my gut is telling me what I need to do is just keep writing and publishing stories and leave the rest to fate. Back to all things Fancy That, I have to say that the reaction has been rather lovely but it's a shame more people weren't able to read it before Christmas... there is always next year.

After once more remembering that book marketing is not for me, I worked again on the other short story I talked about in my last update post whilst concurrently working on the BIG project I have been banging on about since the dawn of time. I have got to the point with the BIG one that I now need to go back to the very beginning of the book and do a deep edit of the whole thing and I can't tell you how excited I am to get stuck in. The short story is already in very good shape and just needs some general tinkering before I can publish it. I also have ideas for two more short stories that I will be working on straight after that so I definitely won't run out of things to do in 2019. Yesterday, I also thought I'd add to the workload and reread a short story I initially self-published when I was using the pen name Lily Divine called Circle. It was amazing to see how much my writing has changed (and hopefully improved) over the years and whilst a lot to has to change, it's actually pretty good and so I plan on rewriting that when I have discovered how to buy time or fashioned my own time machine.

In a bid to keep this post from getting way too long (already happened mate), I will end by sharing a few of my writing-related goals for 2019. I have done this previous years on the blog and every time I have, I've managed to pretty much achieve everything I wanted to... so here goes nothing:

- Finally finish, once and for all, the BIG project, knowing I have written it to the best of my ability.
- Finish and self-publish the short story I have been working on recently.
- Write and self-publish the other two short stories I have ideas for.
- Rewrite and self-publish Circle.
- Be working as a successful writer by the end of the year (yikes).

I don't care how daunting or big these goals might be but if I work hard, whatever happens, it will simply have meant that I spent time on something I love which will inevitably lead to a positive outcome.

2018 was an interesting year. I really worked myself into the ground at times but as a result, I ended up learning a lot about myself and set up a lot of things that will hopefully make 2019 a good one. I have a lot of work ahead of me and plan on really knuckling down for the next three months so I am not exactly sure how many posts there will be in that time - which basically means see you in three months...

Until next time,
Cara x

My book is out today, Fancy That

And so, my new short story, Fancy That, is available as an eBook on Amazon NOW!

I'm exceptionally happy with how it turned out and here is the blurb for it:


Was there life outside my little box?

Tom and Pat have known each for over fifty years but only been friends for three when someone (or something) comes into their life and changes everything.

A charming short story for Christmas and beyond about friendship, hope... and a dog called Zelda.

From the author of Cara Ward’s Weighting to Live series.


It is available worldwide on Amazon and for the UK link, click (here) and for the US link, click (here).

I am now taking a few days completely off, which is very rare for me and oddly, a little difficult as you well know if you've ever read this blog that I struggle to find balance, but I shall be back soon with more word counts, samey blog posts and waffle.

Until next time,
Cara x

Excited.

Yes, this is a new blog post but nothing much has changed as I still can't find balance, I'm still working myself to the point of exhaustion but I'm still happy about it.

I am actually going to keep this short for once and, brace yourself, it won't even include a single bullet point. 

Since my last post I have been pretty much editing short story number one and have got on with it so well that I'm releasing it as an eBook on Amazon next Saturday titled, Fancy That!

After spending lots of time searching for a pre-made cover for it, I ended up making it myself as I realised my story is pretty specific and I was looking for a needle in a haystack. I'd heard of Canva before, and even messed about on it a bit in the past, but it wasn't until this project that I really started to use it more and after a relatively short amount of time, I'd made the cover for it which ended up costing... wait for it... one whole dollar - and that was only so I could get the silhouette of the Alsatian. Fabulous.

I'm exceptionally happy with how both the cover and the story itself has turned out and now that I have just five full days till publication, the jobs I have left to do are:

- Read through it again in the morning.

- Ask Mum to read through it again.

- Work on the blurb for it, a dedication, acknowledgements and all that jazz...

- Never-ending book admin. 

Starting from tomorrow, I will be posting a picture with a quote from Fancy That on both Twitter and Instagram, which I made up this weekend using elements from the cover.

And that's it... told you it was going to be a short post.

Until next time, 

Cara x

The scales have tipped

I promised there would be another blog post sooner than the gap between the last and, here we are, a mere three weeks later, but I am going to hold my hands up and say that I have resigned myself to the fact that I will never find balance. The scales have tipped and I'm heavy with productivity and exhaustion, BUT I LOVE IT. I've realised that I'm truly at my happiest when I'm working on projects I am passionate about and, as I currently have three of them on the go, you can then only imagine my elation. The exciting thing about it all is that I'm working towards something I want more than anything in the world, and I am doing it on my own too, which, for some reason, makes it even better. Maybe I have been single too long and am set in my ways, but to be able to make the most of every single moment of the day is just so exciting. Yay for the word exciting repeated at any available opportunity!

As per, I'll try (and fail) to keep this post brief and summarise my writing life using some good old fashioned bullet points:

• In the week after my last post (starting 15th October), I tarted up the short story I mentioned in my last post and sent it to my mum; the person whose opinion I value the most. She really liked it, which made me a very happy bunny. I mean, I would have kept going regardless of whether she liked it or not, but it doesn't hurt that she did like it. The best thing about my mum is that she will be totally honest and give me valuable constructive criticism. I spent the week after that (22nd October onwards) editing it and by the end of the week, I had a solid story that I don't think needs much more work and currently stands at 7,519 words.
• I decided to put that short story aside for two reasons: 1. I needed space from it in order to hopefully gain some objectivity and be able to make any final edits to it. 2. I decided to write another short story (lol). The idea for this new baby came to me on 23rd October whilst I was at work. It was just a regular Tuesday when suddenly, someone's name on Twitter sparked an idea and in the space of 5 minutes whilst I waited for a meeting to begin, then again just before bed, I had somehow written 704 words. As I was still working on short story number one at the time, I put it aside until this Wednesday 31st October where I quickly edited through the 704 words I had written before work and sent it to Mum to get her opinion. She said it showed promise - I thought so too - and, as a result, I have spent the last few days working on it so, as per, here is my word count breakdown: On Wednesday evening, I wrote 705 more words of it. The following morning, I wrote another 726 words and that evening I wrote 1,245 words. Yesterday morning I wrote 862 words and last night, even though I wanted to write more, I was so tired that I chilled out instead. Having the break last night meant that I more than made up for it this morning and ended up finishing the thing. It currently comes in at 5,931 words in total, meaning that this morning I wrote 1,689 words. Even though it naturally needs work, seeing as it only a first draft, I can't wait to get my hands on it and really to go town on the edit.
• On a side note, I am still working on the BIG project but progress has been sporadic. Some mornings I would work on it and feel really happy with what I managed to achieve but on the morning of Monday 22nd October, I suddenly felt really sad (hello hormones!). Instead of pushing through it and persevering, I listened to my body and watched fun stuff for 30 minutes then decided to read through short story number one and by the time I was getting ready for work, I felt elated. And so, the moral of this story is to not push yourself to stick to self-imposed rules and in the moments where you really need some time out, that's ok and it's perfectly fine to switch up what you want to do. Writing is what I'm passionate about and I've got to go with it and not work on X project only because I'd already planned to do it. I can change my mind and decide to work on whatever I want. It is MY choice, no one else's, and it's all still working towards the same goal.

My plan for the next week or so is to work solely on short story number one and to hopefully find a cover for it. I'll probably go for another pre-made cover, just like I did for my Weighting to live series. If all that goes to plan, I will work more on the administrative side of things, like the blurb, release date and logistics etc. As of this moment, I'd ideally like to self publish it by the end of the month/1st December, but I'll do some research first to see what would work best. My hope after that would be to release short story number two on Boxing Day as that worked so well last year when I released Curing my Incurable Eczema.

I want to keep this blog updated as much as possible, although this is mostly just for me as it's nice to be able to read over what I've been able to achieve, so I'll definitely be back soon with another update.

How very formal this was.

Until next time
Cara x

Plesantly surprised

A two month gap between posts appears to be my thing, so I’ll just go with it. Ideally, I'd like to blog more, as I certainly have enough bookish things to say, I just don’t have the time. Really. Just like the gap between posts, I’ll keep up the trend and summarise my writing life over the last few months by using some rather nifty bullet points:

With Suzy, after recording
my episode of The Back Story.

• My book, Every Trich in the Book was released in the UK on 20th September and in the weeks leading up to publication, I was given a last minute (and completely unexpected) edit which nearly broke me, mentally and physically. Don't get me wrong, I am so glad I did it, and would do it all over again in a heartbeat, but it definitely took a lot from me, for reasons I won’t go into. I will end the point on a positive note though and say it’s pretty cool to be able to call myself a published author now.
• On Tuesday 4th September I recorded with the lovely Suzy from the podcast, The Back Story, talking all about my journey with Trichotillomania and my book, Every Trich in the Book. A few weeks later, the episode was released and can be found here (and is also available via all podcast streaming apps). I loved recording it and I’m really happy with the how it turned out. A very positive thing to come out of a not so positive experience. 
• After the edit was done, I *attempted to* take a few weeks off from anything but my day job as my anxiety was pretty bad and I was definitely suffering from exhaustion. Naturally, I failed doing the whole 'down time' thing and even managed to do the odd bit of promotion, but, as you’ll know if you’ve ever even passed by this little blog of mine, I ain’t a fan of it. I do acknowledge though that if I want to see real results from it, I need to do a chuckload more than I have... and that is why I've come to the realisation that it is just not for me, and so, I am leaving my writing career to fate by holding onto the belief that I will get there when I'm meant to and to simply just keep writing, which dies a death if you are also trying to market a book as well. I just don’t have enough time to write all the things I want to and also attempt to find a window for book marketing. It’s a decision I feel good about as promotion, and everything that goes with it, really does take the joy out of it for me, and writing is what I truly love and want to do <insert soppy, inspirational song here>
• I have been using Twitter *more* regularly - not for marketing or promotional purposes though, but for me, and I’m really enjoying it. You can follow me @authorcaraward.
• On Wednesday 3rd October (at least I think it was then...), I started reading through the draft of a novel that I've banged on and on about on this blog - the one I thought would need an entire rewrite... so you can then only imagine my total elation when I realised I don't need to. The story is there, the scenes are there, the characters are there and now, it's about editing the book and doing some minor rewrites to really bring it to life. Don't get me wrong - I have A LOT to do, and chapter 9, as it currently stands, is something I hope will only appear in my nightmares. Also, at the top of my notes made during this read through I wrote two words: INFO DUMP, which has run rampant over parts of the draft. Even though I know I have a lot of hard work ahead of me, I can't tell you how excited I am to really get stuck into it. I finished reading it earlier this week before organising and working out everything I need to do to make it the best it can be. This particular story has been in my life from the very beginning of my writing journey but now I truly believe the time has finally come to finish what I started all those years ago. 
• A little while ago I was walking outside, minding when own business, when something (or perhaps someone...) sparked an idea for a story which started to take shape in my mind, and from time to time, I'd find my thoughts slipping to the idea and what could happen. Finally, on Friday 28th September, the day before I turned 31, on impulse I wrote roughly 950 words of this particular idea. Because of my day job, a lot of social events and the big read through of my aforementioned draft, I wasn't able to return to this story till after work last Wednesday, when I tinkered with what I had already written, then added more to the story until I had somehow managed to bring the total word count up to 1,789 words. The following day, I wrote a further 1,196 words then yesterday before work, I wrote 912 words and last night, I wrote 1,097 words. This morning I woke up at 6am, after not able to sleep, and wrote about 500 words before dozing off again and a few hours later, writing 1,500 more words to take today's total up to 2,048. In doing so, I also ended up with a complete first draft. I knew from the get go that it would only be a short story, with the total word count coming in at 7,042 words. I'm not going to gush, just yet, but know that I am feeling quite excited (I know I say that word a lot, but it's the only one that adequately describes how I feel) to work on it again.  

Going forward, my plan (for the foreseeable future at least), is to edit the larger draft before work every day then mess about with the draft of this brand new short story in the evenings and at weekends... yes, I know it appears as if I've forgotten my whole vow to find balance and all that (oops...), and I know this is probably not healthy, but damn it, I want to write, so I'm going to do it. Writing truly makes me happy, and in life you've got to do what makes you happy, or what's the point?

I think I'll be back with an update much sooner than my last few posts, but who knows, that could be a lie and I'll see you in 2019...

Until next time
Cara x

Oh hello

And just like that, it's August and another two months have gone by since my last blog post. Again, my absence is not due to a lack of book-related news, and more that I have had no time whatsoever in which to relay it all. There's so much in fact that I genuinely don't know where to start. In order to not to write another book as I attempt to update you all on everything that's been going on in my life, I'll try to summarise it in the form of some handy bullet points:

• I have been working like crazy updating my Weighting to Live series. I finished the short story I have talked about on the blog before which will act as the new conclusion to the series, called Plus Uno, which focuses on what 'Italian' aunt did next. I'm really proud of it and hope that people like it. I have also made the decision to take down the paperback versions of Changes and Sixteen Months and just have one larger paperback which includes both them and Plus Uno called The Triple Bill. I am not going to go into details how much the formatting tested me on this paperback ... but let's just say that I very nearly gave up and questioned whether I wanted to be a writer in the first place. Headers and footers will do that to a girl. I have also updated my bios, ads and various other bits and bobs in all my eBooks and paperbacks that needed changing and have finally chosen all my covers for the series which are now live on Amazon.
• I have pretty much finished the edits for my non-fiction book, Every Trich in the Book all about my battle, and eventual recovery, from Trichotillomania, and I'm going to be honest and say that I found the whole experience rather stressful, for reasons I won't go into. I was also given a new publication date of 20th September, which works much better for me now. My publisher then put me in touch with Ariel from the Trichotillomania website, www.trichstop.com and I ended up writing an article for it which can be found here.
• This weekend, I gave the blog a mini facelift, adding a navigation bar near the top which I hope makes it look more like an author website than a straightforward blog. The more I read about the basics of being an author nowadays, the more I realise how important it is to have a website with clear links to your books and contact details/social media.
• I am also in love with podcasts (both book-related and otherwise) and I'm very sad I didn't start listening to them sooner. They can be so inspiring and informative and I will definitely be sharing some of my favourites with you all soon.

So there you have it. Even though I managed to say everything I have done in very few words (well ... few for me at least), all of this has taken up every single spare moment I've had over the last couple of months. On the whole I have worked six days a week (whilst working full time), getting up ridiculously early then going to bed late, and now I feel completely done in. I haven't put myself first and I'm bloody exhausted but I've decided at the end of this week to find some balance - something I have struggled to do for years - and go about things a little differently. I mean, I've been saying this for a very long time, and what makes it even harder to implement is the fact that I want to do it. But how I've been going about things is just not viable long-term and I'll only end up making myself ill and probably end up wasting time, if anything.

Top row - Original covers (ouch)
Middle row - My covers I edited
myself (hmm..)
Bottom row - New covers done by
professionals (...and it shows)  

I would also like to elaborate on my point about book covers as the search has been anything but easy. In the end I decided to go down the pre-made option route, which simply means they are covers that have been designed by professionals but are pre-made. I could have gone with a designer, but I just couldn't justify the extra cost at this point in my career. Besides, if you have the patience not to throw your laptop out of the window from having to trawl through thousands upon thousands of designs, you will more than likely find covers that are absolutely perfect for your book(s). I suppose the only downside of going for the pre-made option is that you probably won't have a book series where the covers match - although I actually prefer that they don't now and I hope they at least complement each other. I used four separate websites in the end: http://bookcoverzone.com for Weighting to Live and Plus Uno, https://thebookcoverdesigner.com for Changes, http://beetifulbookcovers.com for Sixteen Months and https://www.kingwoodcreations.com for The Triple Bill.

On a side note, I have been surprised with the sales for my book Curing my Incurable Eczema. I'm not saying I'm making enough to live on (lol, not even close), but I've had a steady stream of sales and done absolutely no promotion - because this book was only ever a passion project for me that I wrote in order to close a chapter on that part of my life. On top of that, to know that people actually like it is absolutely wonderful and in all honesty, the whole experience has been very special and something I will never forget.

I'm still fighting the impulse to bolt from book marketing, and even though I do have a little plan for how I'm going to get my books out there, I am leaving a large part of it to fate because all this blasted promotion leaves no time for actual writing and to be honest, I'd rather have time to write and a slower road to success than no time to write and be a broken woman. Another thing I'd like to say is that I can't begin to describe how thrilling I find it that I am doing it all myself. Working full time then having this whole other life where I burrow away and create books I am passionate about in the hope that I can make it my career one day is simply wonderful.

I have two last bookish things I want to share with you all.

I finished the book The Thorn Birds and even though I don't like giving bad reviews on this blog, I will causally throw in that it ain't no Australian Gone With the Wind... I also reread and finished Vicious by V.E. Schwab yesterday so I am ready for the sequel Vengeful, which comes out in September, and I loved it even more this time around.

And finally, back in June, I visited the Warner Bros. Studio Tour London - The Making of Harry Potter and it might sound a little ridiculous, but I think I can safely say it was one of the best days of my life. Even though I adore Harry Potter, and have done for many years, I wasn't expecting just how incredible the tour would be. Crammed with sets, costumes and props from the series, I was overwhelmed and positively bursting with excitement. I found it to be one of the most inspiring places I've ever visited and when I left, I couldn't wait to start working again on the book series I've been talking about for years now. I think I will have to go back soon as the experience was truly (wait for it...) magical.

Don't say I didn't warn you...

Until next time
Cara x

Facing my fears

I am going to keep this short(ish). I just wanted to do a little writing/life update...

Towards the beginning of May, I received my third and final round of edits from my editor Stephanie for EVERY TRICH IN THE BOOK, which I handed back four days later and since then, I have been working mostly on my WEIGHTING TO LIVE series. I have read through each book a few times and made small edits whilst working on acknowledgements, dedications, doing some cover research, planning and writing a new author bio, which will go up once I get it approved by my editor.

I have also changed my author photo (...we'll pretend it wasn't taken over ten years ago). I wasn't planning on changing it but a while ago, Trigger (my book publisher) asked me to send them a handful of photos and this is the one they chose and after seeing it again, I realised I wanted to use it too. Even though I have gone through quite dramatic changes physically in the time since it was taken, I don't feel like I differ *too* much from the girl in the photo - that, or I'm simply being delusional.

Trigger also made me this beautiful banner to use for my Twitter account which I absolutely love and am mildly obsessed with the blonde against the red hair. In Twitter related news, I have been doing my best to Tweet more regularly and am really enjoying it. I'm certainly not prolific, but at least I am tweeting more than once a year.

Lastly, I have been doing a lot of thinking recently about the novel I have been banging on about since the dawn of time. I have talked about it a lot on this blog but if you weren't aware, in a nutshell, I have written two drafts of a novel - the first nearly five years ago and the other, well over a year ago. My initial plan was to work with the two drafts I already have but after some soul searching, the answer was blindingly obvious, which I decided to ignore for a while as it would mean a HECK of a lot of work but after hearing that V.E. Schwab had to rewrite Vengful (the sequel to Vicious which is out this autumn), I just knew I had to face my fears and admit that I too need to rewrite the whole thing. The story and characters have been in my life for well over five years but to be perfectly honest, I don't think I have been ready to write this book, until now. In that time I have not only developed as a writer, but know exactly what I want to do with it and now have (limited) experience on my side. The earliest version of it was the first draft I ever wrote of anything and was written whilst being very ill. The second attempt was made during a very hard time for me mentally and in writing it for a third time, I hope I can make it everything it truly deserves to be. Call me corny but I believe this is the book (series) I am meant to write, so I want to do it justice. I will be reading through it when WEIGHTING TO LIVE is completely finished then see how I'm feeling about it then. Who knows, I might decide against it and just work with what I already have but in my heart of hearts, I know what I need to do.

...Talking of V.E. Schwab, I received some very special post recently in the form of the Forbidden Planet Signed Collectors Edition of VICIOUS. I read Vicious a few years ago and absolutely adored it and once I finish my current book (THE THORN BIRDS by Colleen McCullough), I think it's about time for a reread.

Before this post turns from 'short' to long, I will bring it to a close ... so until next time,
Cara x

The Thief of Dreams

This picture has absolutely nothing to do with
the blog post but I like it and it's the
Royal Wedding today so...

She's gone quiet on us again boys, but does her blogging silence mean she has finally given up on writing? 

...of course not, darling.

A writing/life update will be coming to you in the next few weeks, I just thought it was about time that I posted a little piece I wrote well over a year ago that I did in the hope of being published on a popular writing blog ... which naturally closed down before I could actually send it to them. It is as relevant to my journey now as it was when I first wrote it so I thought why the hell not post it here instead...

To me, there is nothing more terrifying than the moments where you feel like giving up on your dreams. The times where your self-belief goes on strike and all you are left with is the crippling doubt and fear that you are doing the wrong thing. If someone were to try and steal something from you, your desire and sheer force of will to hold onto what they were attempting to take would kick in and make everything else go out of the window. So why when it comes to our self-belief, are we able to willingly let our dreams be taken from us? And from the most feared of thieves out there; ourselves.

I should probably introduce myself, for I am the guilty thief of many of my most cherished dreams – killing ambition in its tracks through fear I’d just end up failing, or packing it all in when I’d start to hear the small but insistent voice in my head telling me I am no good. Now, as a woman nearing thirty, I have a whole list of crimes to my name, and all the thief has left me with is regret.

About four years ago I started writing and even from the very beginning I knew, without a doubt, I had found the thing I wanted to do for the rest of my life – it just felt completely right … but did that stop the thief of dreams from trying to rob me once more? Of course not.

In the last four years of my relatively short writing journey I have learned many invaluable lessons that have helped me grow as a writer but recently, I realised, the most important lesson I’ve come to understand is three small but powerful words: don’t give up.

I am currently in the process of marketing a book series I’ve self-published via Amazon and truly believe it has an audience out there somewhere ... but trying to find them on the other hand, especially when the competition is so fierce, is daunting. So far, what little feedback I’ve had on my series has been fantastic, but there are still moments where I feel like everything I am doing is fruitless and times where it seems pointless to even bother, leading me to inevitably question if I am any good in the first place.

So far, the thief has tried everything it can to make me quit, knowing my weaknesses and exploiting them but so far, I have clung onto my little dream of being a writer for dear life and have long since passed the moments in the past where I would have just given up. I am now the Kevin McCallister of thief dodging.

But after everything we have been through together, I think the thief is happy for me, even brushing away a tear from its balaclava-clad cheek.

I have nothing to fall back on – I don’t have a degree and I’d be at the bottom of any career ladder, tripping clumsily over the first step, but you know what? If all I come away with is a hefty amount of self-belief and the will to persevere then that will be the most fulfilling, worthwhile experience of my life. I finally feel like I am getting there because I believe I am.

I have always been helplessly drawn to the extremes – I can either be a dreamer or my toughest critic and I succeed and fail in my estimation at least a thousand times a day.

But would I change it?

I wouldn't dream of it.

Until next time,
Cara x

BIG News!!!

Instead of me writing a whole new post, saying exactly the same thing, I thought it would be easier just to paste this over from my TSW/trichotillomania blog (here)...

***

I have been sitting on this news for MONTHS now - waiting (im)patiently for the time where I would be able share this with you all. Well, the time has finally come and it brings me great pleasure to be able to tell you that ONE OF MY BOOKS IS GOING TO BE PUBLISHED!!!

I will start at the very beginning and try my best to tell you all in a nutshell exactly how it happened...

Last December I was contacted by Trigger, a new independent publishing house dedicated solely to mental health who were interested in publishing one of my books that I had previously self-published on Amazon: MY DATE WITH A RAZOR about my battle and eventual recovery from trichotillomania and dermatillomania. After speaking to them further, and doing quite a bit of research, I couldn't think of a better home for my little book and so in early January, I signed with them and here we are!

Since the beginning of this year I have been working on and off with my lovely editor Stephanie to expand the existing book; create more chapters before and after the diary of my journey to recovery (which makes up the main body of the book) and implementing changes that will hopefully make it the best it can be. It's my first time working with a professional editor/publication house which has been such a valuable experience and to be able to see how a book comes together has been priceless and so very exciting. They also changed the title to EVERY TRICH IN THE BOOK which I absolutely love and is so much better than the original.

Last Thursday Trigger released the cover for my book and here it is!!!!

I genuinely can't believe how beautiful it looks. I wanted something pretty but this completely blew all my expectations out of the water.

Here is the blurb:

Since her early teens, Cara Ward has suffered from trichotillomania (hair pulling disorder) and dermatillomania (skin picking), two forms of mental illness that are still often hidden away in shame. Feeling embarrassed and confused by her own behaviour, Cara kept quiet about it for years. 

But in June 2013, she was left housebound by a condition called Red Skin Syndrome. The only way to get better was a harrowing and difficult withdrawal from all topical steroids. Despite her anxiety and doubt about whether she was doing the right thing, she kept going and made a full recovery. As a result, she knew that she could “beat her own mind” and overcome anything else she put her mind to. 

And so, over a period of just seven weeks, Cara documented her struggles to gain better control of the disorders that had left her scarred and ashamed for years. Through sheer determination and willpower, Cara found a way to get to the best place she’d ever been with her trichotillomania. 

Every Trich in the Book details Cara’s triumph over trich and derma, using humour and honesty along the way.

The book will be released on 9th July (UK) and 15th October (US) and you can preorder the book here.

It's looking like it will be a couple of very exciting months for me, with my five year TSW anniversary coming up in June then my book release in July. I will be talking very soon about my journey to publication in a post on my other blog dedicated to my writing journey (here), so definitely keep an eye out for that if you want to find out more.

To be honest, it was only when I saw the 3D cover to my left last week that it suddenly felt like an actual book and not just some lovely dream.

Who would have thought five years ago that I'd have clear skin that wasn't reliant on any drugs or that one of my books was going to be published - I hadn't even started writing properly back then and it was only a what if on the back of my mind.

Life has the ability of changing beyond your wildest dreams. Trust the journey you are on and always remember that your current situation is only temporary, no matter how permanent it might feel.

So much love to you all <3
Cara xxx

Playing Catch-Up

You know, I've really missed blogging so it makes me immensely happy to be able to write another post for you today. I don't really know who 'you' actually is as due to my hilarious lack of marketing, my little piece of the internet has remained a mere ghost - so really the you is indeed me. This is both my blog and personal writing journal and in the gaps where I haven't been able to update these neglected pages, I have felt at times like I've left a piece of me behind.

In my last post I mentioned that I had just handed in my edits for something very exciting and as I still haven't received any notes or the all-clear that I'm finished, I have been left with unexpected time where I haven't wanted to get stuck into to another writing project for fear I'd quickly have to break off so instead, I've been making the most of it by reading all the the books that have been gathering dust on my bookshelf. I think I have said this before but having unread books in my possession makes me feel immensely uncomfortable. I am one of those people who gets pleasure from putting a newly read book onto a shelf ... yes, I lead a very sheltered life.

Since my last post I have read four books, although I will only be discussing three of them because I don't want to say anything negative about another writer. What made it disappointing was the fact that the book in question was a new release from an author whom I usually love - so let's pretend that didn't happen and move onto the books I actually want to talk about...

The Making of Gone with the Wind by Steve Wilson

Straight after reading the actual Gone with the Wind, as I wasn't ready to leave war-torn Georgia yet, I picked up this beauty which is an in-depth behind the scenes look into one of the greatest films of all time. Made up of letters, photos and trivia, the book is an utter delight and like opium for the Gone with the Wind addicted. It gives an insight into 'The Making of Gone with the Wind' before, during and after filming with photos and art that will take your breath away. A book that's just as beautiful with or without its lovely wrapper (may I present the photographic evidence for your inspection). A MUST read for fans and film-lovers alike.

It is available here (UK) and here (US).

Big Magic by Elizabeth Gilbert

From page 8, when Elizabeth writes the line ‘The universe buries strange jewels deep within us all, and then stands back to see if we can find them', I was hooked. A small but mighty book that will truly make you believe there is magic out there and inspiration is this living, breathing thing. What struck me the most was how much it resonated with me. I sometimes find myself detached from these creative ‘self-help’ books but I found myself agreeing with so much of what she said. She tells personal stories of people she has met in her life which highlight the 'big magic' she believes so strongly in. Her writing style is quirky and humorous and I can't wait to read more of her books in the future.

It is available here (UK) and here (US).

Writers' & Artists Guide to How to Write by Harry Bingham

A book I decided to buy on Amazon recently for the simple reason that I felt I should - I thought it would be a good idea to have more of a technical book on writing in my possession. This book is a guide for authors on the ins and outs of writing, especially with the intention of writing for publication. I have a confession to make: as a rule, I really don't like these kind of books. It's not because I believe they are beneath me, certainly not, and they are currently so far above me that I am somewhere close to the earth's core. It's more that I think these books take away from the fact that writing is first and foremost a creative pursuit and to have all these rules, stems the flow of inspiration. I think it's what stopped me from admitting to myself that I wanted to be a writer for so long - the feeling that it was only meant for a select few and not open to anyone who simply had an imagination and a burning desire to write. This one though is pretty good, although I’m not going to lie to you all and say my back was not putteth uppetth when, in the introduction, he wrote this corker of a line:

'[of his own fiction] it stands at the fancier end of commercial: the sort of thing that intelligent people could read on the beach without having to hide the cover in embarrassment.'

I know I said I wouldn't say anything negative about a writer, but if you are going to write a line like that then you've only got yourself to blame, dear Harry.

Anyway, enough of that, this book is a solid place to start if you are looking for a general 'how-to' writing manual. It is well laid out and at the end of each chapter, there is a summary of what has been discussed over the previous pages (which I might have been guilty of skipping to at certain chapters). At the start of each chapter are quotes from well-respected (and some, dare I say it, pretentious) authors offering valuable insight into various aspects of writing. I know I should really utter 'the craft'  at some point in this post but to do that would give me a stomach ache. To be frank, most of the book is common sense with one 'helpful' tip not to write boring prose ... hmm. Ok, I've realised this sounds like a pretty negative review. I don't mean it to, but it's very hard for me not to say something and pretend, through a fear of being shunned from a world I desperately want to remain a part of. After saying all that, I still enjoyed reading it and Harry has put a lot of thought into it. There, something positive.

It is available here (UK) and here (US).


So there you have it. My editor has just told me she will be sending all her notes/edits she has within the next couple of days so until then, you shall finding me reading, naturally.

Until next time,
Cara x

Gone with the Wind took my breath away

No, your eyes do not deceive you, this is indeed a new blog post a mere week since my last. The reason being that I just had to write down my thoughts before I forgot exactly why Gone with the Wind is my favourite book of all time.

That's quite a big statement to make, I know, but in my mind, there is no contest. I read it over a few months and finished this morning. It took me so long as for the most part, I was only able to pick it up in those precious spare moments where I was able to dive head first into another world. Until the beginning of this week I had only read two thirds of the book, but after handing in my edits for the very secret, very exciting project, I was left with some rare spare time and decided to take that opportunity to discover exactly what Scarlett O'Hara did next... granted, I had already watched the film many times, which I adore, but to fill in the gaps that the film couldn’t possibly cover and to understand more about such complex and fascinating characters was an utter joy.

Going into it, even though I knew the film so well, I was (to be perfectly honest) a little anxious that I wouldn't understand a lot of what was going on as it centres on a piece of American history that I know very little about. I was daunted by the size too and worried that I'd find it boring, but it was anything but and turned out to be the most engaging story I have ever had the pleasure to follow. What surprised me the most was that one of the parts I loved reading about the most was the very subject matter which I was initially nervous to read; The Civil War and subsequent Reconstruction. Learning how various characters dealt with the fallout, with some trapped in a past that would never return, was both haunting and so beautifully written. The lives of so many, changed irrevocably with the life they once knew, gone forever. Usually, I get very tired with unnecessary detail but in Gone with the Wind, it's those elements which really make the book come to life. The depiction of Tara especially made me feel as if I was really there, among the fields of cotton and bright red soil, and it was unlike anything I’ve ever read before. Never dull, but necessary and vital.

Now onto the characters. Our 'heroine' Scarlett O'Hara does unspeakable, immoral things that don't bear thinking about and yet, I followed her journey voraciously and almost willed her to succeed against the odds - and let's not even get started on Rhett, with a past as black as his fine moustache. Hands down my favourite part of the book is the fiery, witty exchanges between the pair. The greatest love story between two people who are truly meant to be together. 

I think I will leave it there as to tell you anything else would be to spoil something you need to experience for yourself.

I haven't seen the film for quite a few years now and I am very excited to rewatch it tomorrow with new eyes. In the morning, as a kind of warm up, I cannot wait to get stuck in to this beauty: The Making of Gone with the Wind.

To buy the rather fabulous version of Gone with the Wind pictured above, click here and to buy The Making of Gone with the Wind, click here.

Until next time,
Cara x

It's a marathon not a sprint

It's Sunday evening and I am sat on my sofa in the middle of such a concentrated spurt of energy that I feel superhuman, which seems fitting seeing as an Avengers movie is currently on in the background. The reason for this energy spurt is naturally down to food, more specifically sugar. An hour ago, things were very different. An hour ago I couldn't even move from the sofa and began to understand why walruses move the way they do as I was so painfully full. You have the burst of energy to blame for this blog post.

So another two and a bit months have passed since my last entry and although I knew this would happen, and I even said as much in my last post, I am saddened by it as I did want to try to keep this blog updated a little more than I have. My silence has been nothing to do with not having anything to say and more to do with the fact that I've had so much to do and so little time to do it in that this creative outlet has naturally been neglected. I do not even have enough time to look over what I wrote in my last post through fear of repeating myself so I will plough on anyway and attempt to update you on everything that has been going on in recent months.

It's been an odd year so far - very exciting for the most part but nevertheless, it's been intense and as a result, I've suffered physically, setting some kind of record for picking up colds and viruses. At the beginning of the year I pretty much told everyone I know that I would not be able to see them much in order to dedicate all my spare time to writing until I have somehow managed to forge a career for myself in it (lol to never having a social life again). As a result, I have had no aforementioned social life and my days have followed a pattern of getting up at ridiculous o'clock to write before work then coming home only to write again. Saturdays have been a mixture of errands and more writing with Sundays technically being my day off, although that sometimes hasn't gone to plan.

I am little confused how to go about explaining everything I have been doing recently as I've been working on multiple projects at once, (on one occasion, three in one day) so I think for the sake of not losing my mind, I shall write bullet points of everything I have been working on in as few words as possible as all my life seems to be at the moment is words.

• On the day I wrote my last blog post on Saturday 27th January, I decided to start working on a brand new short story as part of my WEIGHTING TO LIVE series. It took eleven days over a month or so to write the first draft and work on general edits, finishing on Saturday 3rd March and coming in at a total of 5,454 words.
• As I am looking to really try and get my WEIGHTING TO LIVE series out there (for the millionth time) I have read through all three books in the series twice then made small tweaks and changes to it. 
• Now moving onto the project I have been working on since the dawn of time that I've banged on enough about in this blog. I think I said in my last post that I had just finished reading through the latest draft of it and making a rather hefty list of edits. Well, I started doing said edits in late January but in mid-February, when another very exciting project started up again, I had to down tools on it to focus on that project. I do hope to be able to return to it later this month and my long list of edits. When I have finally finished said list (in roughly April 2023...) I endeavour to start from the beginning and edit the entire book. I want to go in more detail about how I'm editing it but I will leave that for another post on some unknown date.
• I mentioned in my last post about working on a VERY exciting writing project, which has really heated up over the last month or so and has taken up most of my time. I emailed over the latest batch of edits yesterday which felt wonderful as I'm very happy with the work I've done on it. When I can talk about it, I am excited to go into more detail and the editing process which has been eye opening.

The plan for next week is to try and take things a little easier when I can just in case I have to work on any edits that come in before my deadline at the end of next week for the very exciting project. When I know there will be no more to do on that project for the foreseeable future, I will be working any spare moment I have on the WEIGHTING TO LIVE series until it is updated with whole new covers then get get back to the fossil of a project I've had to put aside too many times now. It's kind of painful having to keep the names and details of so many things I'm working on a secret and calling everything 'project'. I have also desperately wanted to try and find time to promote CURING MY INCURABLE ECZEMA but as I am not a magician who can conjure time, I have put that on the back-burner.

Even though this has been the most exciting time of my life professionally, I have had moments where I've felt completely and utterly overwhelmed and as if I am wading through mud. There have been a fair few irrational tears as a result of tiredness but somehow, I've pushed through and not given up. I am slowly learning that this journey is a marathon, not a sprint and at this moment, I feel at peace and accept that things will get done when they're meant to. For the first time in my life, I am doing things properly and not rushing to get them done through panic and fear. It's a nice feeling. I suppose that's also down to the fact I have a full time job that I actually really like and am proud of. Even though it is hard working full time whilst also trying to forge a whole other career, there is something wildly exciting about knowing you have limited time and have to make the most of every single moment and I feel like I've achieved more with fewer hours than I would have done if I'd had the whole day at my disposal. Having limited time makes you use it more wisely. But please give me more time writing gods.

I wanted to finish off by quickly mentioning Joanna Penn. I have talked about her before on this blog but in a nutshell, she is a very successful British self-published author who writes fiction and also non-fiction predominantly about selling more books. She also has the most fabulous writing website, www.thecreativepenn.com and makes podcasts and YouTube videos which I love. What I like about her is that she is honest - even though she loves writing, she wants to make money and her videos and advice is to the point and actually helpful, unlike others in her field. What's great is when I am at work and I am doing something monotonous that I don't need to concentrate on, I am able to listen to her videos which never fail to inspire me and keep me going.

Ok, about halfway through writing this post, I had a sugar crash and felt once more like a walrus, so I shall leave it there and make a vow to NEVER EAT AGAIN.

I will hopefully be back much sooner this time as I've missed writing here too much. This blog has been a part of my life for years now and has taken me through many phases of my life... yes I really need to stop now as this walrus is tired.

Until next time,
Cara x

The Balancing Act

This picture has nothing to do with the post - I
just suddenly decided I wanted a picture
here ... enjoy.

Forgive me whilst I try to come to terms with the fact that a month and a day has passed since my last post. These entries are for no-one but me - a diary in which I can look back over everything that has happened in my relatively short writing journey. I am very different now to the girl who started this blog back in November 2014, well over three years ago. Over time, I have drifted from my little piece of the internet as I felt like my posts were starting to merge into one another with no real news to report - the gaps between posts becoming wider and wider until they were gaping chasms. One constant through the years is that I love writing. Four and a half years ago when I first put pen to paper (more like fingers to keyboard), I knew exactly what I wanted to do for the rest of my life and during all the highs and lows, that has never changed - what has though is my approach to the journey I have ahead of me. One thing that appears to have remained the same is my unparalled ability to waffle - I haven't even got to the point of this post yet but somehow I have already written a rather meaty paragraph. I shall try to keep the rest of this post brief.

Since my last post the emotions I have experienced are overwhelmed (is that even an emotion?!) followed by deflated then hopeful and lastly, excited - that is how I feel right now as I send this post into the ether. A lot has happened in my bookish world. I still have a long way to go but for the first time, I actually feel like the path I am on is the right one. I have made many mistakes in my short writing life but now I realise that I needed to make them as I most certainly wouldn't be in my current situation without them.

The day I self-published my book, 'CURING MY INCURABLE ECZEMA' was the day I put up my last blog post and I can honestly say I was not prepared for the support and love I received. I was blown away. The book currently has SIX five star reviews on Amazon and Goodreads which so far remains unblemished by a lower rating. I mean, people told me leading up to publication that they couldn't wait to buy it but I never expected they actually would. I wrote this book for me - a way to finally be able to move on from those two years of mental and physical pain and I was not only able to do just that, but I also had a book I had written that I was immensely proud of. Now, I have my journey in one place and that feels wonderful. I have to say it's been a little surreal seeing people post pictures of it on places like Instagram and Facebook - amazing, of course, just a little mad. About ten days after publication though, I started to feel slightly flat. My life had been the book for over two months, a period of my life where I completely burrowed away from the world in order get it done and with that, and the most incredible reaction upon publishing it, when it all died down, I felt like I had lost that spark. I missed being desperately consumed by a project and so in mid January, I decided to re-evaluate my goals - work out exactly what I should do next and when I had written down everything I knew I needed to do, I found hope was slowly trickling back into me. It's funny, but I remember whilst walking to work on one of those very flat days, asking for guidance, and I got it - a voice in my head telling me exactly what I needed to do. It told me that the first thing was to change all the covers for my 'WEIGHTING TO LIVE' series. If you have read my blog before then you will know this is an ongoing saga in my life but for the first time, I have been able to look on the situation objectively and have realised that I need to get them done professionally. I am currently saving up and should have enough to do it next month as they are certainly not cheap. I am also working on a couple of other things relating to the series but as it's still (very) early days, I will keep all that to myself, for now.

After deciding on what had to be done with that particular series, I knew the time had come to start working on the draft of a novel that has been part of my writing journey from the very beginning, and something I have blogged about many times before. Last week, I started reading through said draft, which I coincidentally finished today. I haven't been writing long enough to say this with any kind of real experience but there is truly no feeling more wonderful than reading through a draft of a book you have written which shows real promise and makes you more excited than you have ever been. I have been working on this particular world and characters on and off for a long time now and it has gone through many changes but I feel like now is finally the right time to finish it and make it a real book. This June will mark five years since I started working on it and I plan for it to be the last. I have not given myself any deadline but the book will be my primary focus.

I'll also be doing little bits and pieces of unobtrusive marketing for 'CURING MY INCURABLE ECZEMA' as I think I should - it would be daft not to. Lastly, I have just signed a contract for something rather exciting which I will share with you when I feel like the time is right. I should really be shouting it from the rooftops but until I feel like it's safe to do so, I shall keep shtum. The fabulous thing about it is that even if it doesn't work out, it's still a very exciting thing to happen in the first place - ooo cryptic...

So we currently stand at four different book projects that I am currently working on, which will be done whilst in full time employment. What I need to achieve with such limited time is daunting and scary but it is also exciting knowing that every day I am working towards a career I desperately want. I have told all my friends that I am in hibernation mode for the foreseeable future so I literally have nothing to do but work on reaching my goals.

Oh my goodness, this really was a long post. I genuinely didn't realise when I sat down to write this that I'd have much to say ... I was mistaken.

I shall not make any promises as to when I might be back, dear writing diary friend, but I will return at some point and I think I have given you quite enough to be going with for a little while at least...

Until next time,
Cara x