An Underwhelming 100th Blog Post For You

This is apparently my 100th post on this blog and in celebration, I will keep this short ... and actually mean it too!

I will start off with the sad news that I am experiencing severe Downton Abbey withdrawals after finishing the show on Monday. In a bid to get all of it done before my free trial of Amazon Prime ran out, my mum and I were watching as much as we could and finished just in the nick of time. Watching it every night became our evening ritual after working all day and now it's definitely hands down my favourite show of all time. I am about 1,000 years behind everyone in saying this but what a fantastic show - the writing, the acting, the setting, EVERYTHING! Simply perfect.

It's been an odd week and I have swung between positive and negative emotions at an alarming rate. There are times I have felt so excited about the future and want to do everything in my power to get my book series out there ... then other times where I feel like the old me is creeping in who just wants to give up and forget that she ever wanted to be a writer in the first place. So far, the new me is winning though and think it would take a pretty powerful force to stop me now.

As I've had to work on other things for most of the week, I've struggled to find real time to do much in the way of book marketing, but I still did a bit. On Monday, I worked a lot on my Facebook page but when it was all done, it was almost like, now what? I can't really understand the point of having one to be honest but I'm going to give it time and see what I can do with it. Apart from that, I've done some reseach and a tiny bit of Tweeting and pinning of quotes etc but all that went out of the window as the week progressed. I was pretty successful with the non-fiction book I've been working on for the last couple of weeks and here is my latest batch of word counts:

Monday 20th March 2017 - 1,417 words

Tuesday 21st March 2017 - 1,384 words
Wednesday 22nd March 2017 - 1,232 words
Thursday 23rd March 2017 - 364 words
Friday 24th March 2017 - 0 words
TOTAL FOR THE WEEK = 4,397 words

On Thursday, my hour was taken up more with organising and planning than writing and today/Friday, I just didn't have a single hour to spare to dedicate to it. Next week will be mostly spent sorting out and arranging chapters etc and so far, I'm extremely happy with its progress.

You are probably wondering where the rest of the post is after inflicting on you so many posts in the past that have resembled 300 p-age novel but I promised to keep it short ... and so I have! I shall make it up to you next week though with many unnecessary words - mark my literal words...

Until next time.

People are really nice

Without even trying, the weather this week has elevated my mood to ridiculous levels of excitement. There is nothing more wonderful than when the sun shines and it starts to feel warm outside. It's been a fantastically full and productive week and the hardest part of this post is knowing where to begin...

The non-fiction book I started writing last week about the skin condition I went through *that I talk about (here)* has continued to go well and at this point, I think it's safe to say that it's definitely going to happen. Here are my word counts:

Monday 13th March 2017 - 1,478 words
Tuesday 14th March 2017 - 1,372 words
Wednesday 15th March 2017 - 271 words (lower word count due to organising chapters etc)
Thursday 16th March 2017 - 1,693 words (such a great hour of writing)
Friday 17th Match 2017 - 1,394 words (another fantastic hour of writing)
TOTAL FOR WEEK TWO = 6,208 WORDS

I am still following the hour every weekday rule and it really does take the pressure off doing it like that - my attitude is laid back and by not having a word count goal, I don't stress about it, I just do what I can within that hour. Next week, I will be mostly using my hour a day to organise the chapters a bit and work out some sort of plan as this kind of book needs proper structure. Honestly, I am pretty excited about it and have actually found that by writing it all down and really forcing myself to think about what I went through, I am getting some much-needed closure. It has been nearly four years since I started going through Topical Steroid Withdrawal and I think the time has come to move on from it fully.

Midway through the week, I wrote an article in the hope of it being featured on one of my favourite writing blogs. I've done it mostly for myself and not for self-promotion and I'm happy with how it turned out. I sent them my proposal yesterday and I'm keeping my fingers crossed that they like the idea and ask for the full article. If not, I'll just post it on here at some point.

I've continued to Tweet more this week but I'm finding that all my Tweets have become a little bit samey as I have mostly just been putting up the pictures I made with various quotes from my books on them. I am still getting used to Twitter again and I'm hoping over time I feel more comfortable with it as I used to love Tweeting.

In the last month or so since I added a page in the back of all my eBooks and Paperbacks promoting other books in the series, more people have been buying them. Before, I think a lot of people thought WEIGHTING TO LIVE was a standalone novel, which is a shame as I'm proud of CHANGES and SIXTEEN MONTHS, so it's nice to know that people are aware they exist now.

I think I'll make that do this week and pray that my productivity, along with the English sun, holds out a little longer.

Until next time.

5698 words

It's been a crazy week and I'm going to keep this short as I haven't got much time and will talk about a few other things I wanted to cover in another post early next week. If I had to sum up the week in a sentence I'd say it has been one of the most productive weeks of my life. Monday was dedicated to my other website as I had a lot of issues that needed to be resolved and now they are nearly sorted out (after a few months of confusion and stress), I feel so happy. Things finally feel like they are coming together.

This week I've continued to post pictures of quotes from my books on both Twitter and Pinterest, which I am still enjoying and just like that, most of my time vanished.

Because I apparently haven't got enough on at the moment, I decided to crank the madness up a notch and start a potential new draft of a book that has been a long time coming. It's a non-fiction book about the debilitating skin condition I went through for just over two years. It is a total passion project and it's not intended for any kind of financial gain - more an exorcism of sorts that I have been asked many times to write now by the people who have followed my skin story (under my real name). It will be nice, and almost healing in a way, to have a record of exactly what I went through before I forget it all as even now, parts of it are very hazy. I started writing the draft on Monday and because of a general lack of time and the process working so well with my other draft, I am only going to be writing for a maximum of an hour a day, Monday to Friday. The book might not even work out but so far, so good. If the draft does turn out to be viable, I have a rather strict goal of when I'd like it completed by, which is Tuesday 6th June 2017; the four year anniversary of going through my condition (I am a total sucker for important and meaningful dates). A quick tally of my word counts for the first week:

Monday 6th March 2017 - 1,241 words
Tuesday 7th March 2017 - 1,370 words
Wednesday 8th March 2017 - 1,308 words
Thursday 9th March 2017 - 1,379 words
Friday 10th March 2017 - 400 words
TOTAL FOR WEEK ONE = 5,698 WORDS

Ok, well, this post is much longer than I expected, sorry! I will be back early next week with yet more words, you lucky, lucky thing.

Until next time.

Book Trailers, Animation and Harry Potter, oh my!

I shall try to keep this short but I felt it imperative that I update this little blog ASAP when I realised that on the 14th of this month, it would have been two months since my last post. As to why I haven't blogged, I have no excuse really but I will say that time is going so quickly that it's hard to keep up with everything. My blogging absence doesn't mean I have not been working on my books though - FAR from it. Since my last post, things have been busy to say the least. I spent the last few weeks of 2016 working like a madwoman on my website - nothing to do with books though. It's more a site that combines two of my biggest passions: writing and spreading awareness for the skin condition that left me housebound, along with a few other light-hearted subjects like Trichotillomania (the compulsion to pull out your hair). Work on my website continued well into January but when I had set everything up, I was finally able to move on to the thing I had been dreading since I self-published my WEIGHTING TO LIVE series back in 2015: book marketing. Yes, the time has truly come to put my heart and soul into promoting my book series but the abject horror of even the thought of it before has turned into an exciting challenge and now I think I am in the right headspace to really go for it.

The first job on the list was making a book trailer for WEIGHTING TO LIVE. Initially, I was just going to do the one but I got so into it that I decided to make two, along with another for CHANGES. As I have zero experience in filmmaking, I was a little unsure what to do for the best. To me, a 'live action' trailer was out of the question as I didn't have a good enough camera to make it look professional, nor the right props or scenery, so I went with what I thought was my only viable option: animation. I'm talking like I knew how to do that - no big deal, I'll just animate the next Lion King. I've never really done animation before - bar a project when I was in primary school and ate meals in lunchboxes - but I had an idea of how I could potentially make something appear to be moving, along with a bunch of pictures taken from my book covers, some (strained) patience, the YouTube Audio Library and Windows Movie Maker. At this point, I had a few thoughts of what I could do for the trailers but they didn't really take any shape until I started listening to potential music I could use via the YouTube Audio Library. Very quickly, all these ideas jumped out at me and I had a shortlist of songs and a starting point. The first trailer came together after about 2-3 days and by the time I had finished it, I knew exactly what I wanted to do for the second and in another 2-3 days that was done too.

With the trailer for CHANGES, I knew I wanted to take it in a completely different direction - less upbeat than the two for WEIGHTING TO LIVE - but again, it wasn't until I listened to more music from the YouTube Audio Library that I knew exactly what I was going to do. Armed with pictures from the original cover, I got animating. I feel it important to say they are not Pixar's answer to a book trailer but I am very happy with how they all turned out and put across the message and feeling I wanted them to. I enjoyed myself so much that I all I wanted to do afterwards was animate EVERYTHING. Here are the three trailers:

WEIGHTING TO LIVE Book Trailer #1

WEIGHTING TO LIVE Book Trailer #2

CHANGES Book Trailer

And so, that is where we are now - the book trailers are up and I suppose my desire to keep animating is more to do with my reluctance to get on with the nitty gritty of book marketing than anything else. I have a list as long as my arm of things that need to be done and from now on I am going to be blogging regularly as I try to navigate the world of book marketing that still leaves me feeling slightly nauseous. I obviously want people to buy my books but not at the expense of being pushy or becoming one of those 'book entrepreneurs'. Essentially, I don't want to lose the love of writing to be successful - the end goal is to write for a living, and not sell my soul in the process.

In other news, remember when I said that after I had finished my draft I could finally read Harry Potter and the Cursed Child? Well, I did that so naturally, I bought the book and was VERY excited to read it ... but as I was so busy setting up my website etc, I didn't have a chance to read it until the start of January when I came down with an awful cold and forced myself to rest. And what did I think of said book? To be perfectly honest, I think I'd find it hard to be an objective reviewer for something like Harry Potter as, let's be real, anything from that series I'd have given 5 stars BUT I did enjoy it. More than anything it was an absolute joy revisiting characters that I love and essentially grew up with. I would (and will) definitely read it again and even though it's had mixed reviews, I'd recommend it. I will say that I am a little mystified as to why (the goddess) J.K. Rowling didn't write it herself but it's still worth a read.

And well would you look at that? My vow to keep this short has naturally meant I've written the next War and Peace so I'll say goodbye, for now, and promise to be back soon with more tales with the girl who hates book marketing.

Until next time.

Tissues at the ready, it's my last blog post about word counts ... for this draft at least - plus some 2017 resolutions

Well I've only gone and finished the draft - and just in time for Christmas! I shall ramble in more detail after imparting my final *breaks down* word counts for this draft - but there will be more drafts in the future, mark my words - mwah ha ha...

Monday 5th December 2016
1,307 words. I think by having the weekend off writing, it recharges my brain and I find when I return to it (of course after my normal 5 minute panic that I'll be no good), I am better - the words seem to flow smoother and are well formed. I absolutely loved writing this morning and I felt like the work I produced was good.

Tuesday 6th December 2016
1,285 words. I had a great time this morning. This week I have definitely done some of my best work for this draft for a scene that I wasn't expecting to go as well as this - not that I thought it would be bad, I just hadn't given it much thought so went into it a little apprehensive. But as per, I shouldn't have worried and I had a ball.

Wednesday 7th December 2016
1,159 words. Another great morning. I'm over the moon with my writing this week. In only a few years with practice, I have noticed such a change - not only in the quality of my work, but the words I use. It's exciting to see so much progress but I hasten to add that I still have a L-O-N-G way to go.

Thursday 8th December 2016
1,003 words. This week has been absolutely fabulous. That is all I have to say.

Friday 9th December 2016
1,238 words. A fabulous hour of writing to finish off the writing week. One of the best I've ever had since I started the draft in June. Very happy.


Monday 12th December 2016
1,069 words. I'm definitely going to be finished by Wednesday which is crazy and the scene I was writing today was emotional to say the least. It's still going very well and OMG IT'S NEARLY OVER!

Tuesday 13th December 2016
1,306 words. Oh the drama. The emotional scene continued this morning and I felt completely drained afterwards. I wrote for about an hour and a half as I had to get to a place where I could leave it and do the scene justice.

Wednesday 14th December 2016
589 words. I FINISHED. I CRIED. THE END.


And so the draft I envisioned to be a mere 50,000 words turned into a 109,356 word heavy document. I am scared and excited in equal measure. Excited because I think it might be good, scared if it's not and in reality it's absolutely awful. For now, I shall put it aside for a few months then return to it at some point in 2017 and just hope for the best. No matter about that for the moment as the good news is that I can now FINALLY BUY HARRY POTTER AND THE CURSED CHILD!! I promised myself that I wouldn't read/buy it until I had finished the draft and since it has come out (in JULY!!!) I have avoided anything to do with the damn book for fear I'd see something and ruin it for myself BUT IT DOESN'T MATTER ANY MORE AS I FINALLY GET TO READ IT!

I think this will be my last blog post of 2016 but as I normally try and write my new year's resolutions for the following year, I thought I'd just do it now instead ...

Last year I had a snappy one statement resolution for 2016: sort out my career. It didn't go exactly to plan (hey life drama!) but I think this ridiculous/insane/character-building year needed to happen to get me to the place I am now ... excuse? I haven't decided. Like most people, I'm very glad this year is nearly over but at least I can come away from it with the knowledge that I'm still standing, still fighting - and I think that is an achievement in itself that we all need to celebrate. For 2017, as I have realised pressure and me are not simpatico, my resolutions are more actions speaking louder than words - I'm going to work as hard as I can in the general direction of what I want and see where it takes me. It's what I'm doing now and I shall continue in that direction until I actually get somewhere.

Until next time.

Some McNaught to break up the monotony ... along with some word counts, naturally

*An arty shot I took a while ago of some Judith McNaught
books resting on a red velvet sofa that I don't own.
YOLO.*

Another two weeks have passed and I come bearing gifts in the form of more word counts and the exciting news that I've been reading Judith McNaught again. I have had an urge to revisit one of her books for a while now and even though I should be branching out and reaching for something new to expand my literary knowledge, I have been so busy every day that the last thing I want to do is read something where I've got to think - and let's be real, I just want to read about some virile men (Judith's word, not mine - FABULOUS!). I picked up Whitney My Love the weekend before last, the first book of hers that I ever read, and I had completely forgotten what an epic love story it is. After that, I moved onto another one of hers, Until You, and had a whale of a time. I'm starting another today to kick start the weekend, Almost Heaven, which will be me later on AND I CAN'T WAIT! After all that excitement, let's bring this post down to earth with a thud and move onto my word counts for the last couple of weeks:

Monday 21st November 2016
1,101 words. Oh that was great. As is my way, I started off a little nervous that whatever I wrote would be a disaster but after about 5 minutes or so, I was into it again and very happy with what I produced. There is nothing more wonderful sometimes than the feeling of pure excitement you get from writing something you are passionate about.

Tuesday 22nd November 2016
1,146 words.

Wednesday 23rd November 2016
1,124 words. It was so damn dramatic this morning, I can't take it. Fabulous.

Thursday 24th November 2016
1,000 words. I was a little out of it this morning but I pushed myself to keep going and I'm happy I did.

Friday 25th November 2016
0 words. I really didn't feel like it. I had a big day yesterday personally and I think it all caught up with me this morning.

Monday 28th November 2016
1,260 words. Like always, if I leave writing for a few days I am left with the ridiculous fear that when I return to it again, it will be a catastrophe but as per, it was fine and I actually loved it. Regardless of that, I'm a little anxious for it to be done. This draft been going on for a long time now and I'd like to move on. I think I need a break from the routine before I start editing it in a few months time.

Tuesday 29th November 2016
1,223 words. I love when I stop writing at a place that I can't wait to return to the following day. Even though I am anxious to finish, that doesn't mean I'm not still loving it.

Wednesday 30th November 2016
1,247 words. For about twenty minutes I had only written about 150 words and assumed it was going to be a low word count day, which I was totally cool with, but suddenly, by the time my hour was up, I had written so much.

Thursday 1st December 2016
979 words. After feeling like I was writing constantly over the hour, I *only* wrote just under a thousand words. I know that is still very good and I'm happy with that, I just felt like it was going to be much higher than that ... I feel I should add in a sheepish manner that I *may* have had moments where I was pretty distracted (oh, hey Instagram!) so I don't know what I'm talking about, ignore everything I have just said.

Friday 2nd December 2016
1,024 words.

I thought I'd be finished by the end of November but here we are, December 2nd and the damn thing is still going strong and now over 100,000 words long (100,400 to be exact). I am speechless, excited, fearful of the editing process and many other wildly varied emotions but I truly hope I can turn it into something real - something to be proud of. More than anything I have ever done in my life, I want this to succeed, I believe it can .... one day, about a million years from now perhaps.

And remind me, what's book marketing?

Until next time.

If you're looking for something other than word counts, you've come to the wrong place...

The title of this post I hope will spare me the need to elaborate any further on the fact that I haven't done any book marketing. Let's cut straight to the word counts, shall we?

Monday 7th November 2016
1,241 words. It took quite a long time to get into it and I think the quality of my work suffered as a result but I kept going, determined to just keep writing and after a while, I loved it again.

Tuesday 8th November 2016
1,057 words.

Wednesday 9th November 2016
1,262 words. All week I struggled with my energy levels and because of that, my concentration suffered but I found that if I pushed through it, I was able to keep going and still managed to produce some work that I was happy with.

Thursday 10th November 2016
1,062 words. Today's scene was hard to write. Not because I was lost for words exactly, more that the subject matter was something I have never touched on before and found it hard to write about but if I want this book to be the best it can be, it was a scene that had to happen ... but if I could, I would have had my hands over my eyes as I wrote it.

Friday 11th November 2016
1,423 words. A great hour of writing to end the week.

Monday 14th November 2016
1,011 words. I wrote a scene that was pretty romantic which offered a stark contrast to the lack of it in my own life. Yay.

Tuesday 15th November 2016
1,055 words. It went well but I found the quality of my work wasn't as good.

Wednesday 16th November 2016
0 words. I just didn't feel like it.

Thursday 17th November 2016
907 words. I mentioned on Tuesday that I felt the quality of my work was a bit MEH and that positive vein continued on today which made me feel a little uninspired and overcritical. Halfway through writing though I then remembered that my period was due and I'm not sure if it was because I acknowledged it was that but my mindset changed and my writing suddenly improved. All the clumsy words I had written through the week were forgotten with one small paragraph that I was over the moon with. FABULOUS!

Friday 18th November 2016
1,179 words. For most of the time I was writing today I felt that everything I produced was so very BLAH (again!!!!) and I resisted roughly eight thousand attempts to throw my laptop out of the window and just give up. Suddenly something switched though and I really got into it. I have left it now in a place that has made me so excited to return to it on Monday.

The draft now stands at 90,272 words. WHAT?! Even though I know I am nearing the end of the story, I haven't got a bloody clue how long I will be writing it for. This draft has been with me through the best and worst times this year and no matter what becomes of it, I will forever be grateful as, at times, it's helped me stay afloat.

This Tuesday I celebrated (for want of a better word) my blog's 2 year anniversary. I have always used this tiny chunk of the internet as a sort of diary, documenting my journey as a writer and as you might be able to discern from my beautiful lack of book marketing, I've never done anything with it - but I'd like that to change over the next year. I don't know how yet as I'm still trying to work through my issues with self-promotion but hopefully on it's third birthday, it'll be something a little bigger than it is now.

Until next time.

Book marketing drowning in a sea of word counts

I haven't posted anything in a few weeks not because I haven't done any writing, quite the opposite in fact, but because I just didn't feel like blogging. I shall warn you in advance that this is yet another word count heavy post. We shall not talk about how the marketing is going ... because there is nothing to talk about. I have done NADA. Let's move on quickly and talk about word counts then, yeah?

Monday 17th October 2016
1,005 words. It was such a brilliant start to the week and I wrote a scene I hadn't planned on that I just loved. I'm very excited about where it is going and this time around, the characters feel deeper to me, realer.

Tuesday 18th October 2016
1,271 words. I found that I couldn't stop writing this morning and wrote for nearly an hour and a half and I loved every minute of it. Recently I have been sticking religiously to my original plan and plot, using bits and bobs from the old draft and as a result I have found at times that I haven't been able to let go and really write. This week I have and as a result it's taken a slightly different route that I think has really added something to the story.

Wednesday 19th October 2016
1,057 words. Another wonderful hour of writing. This week has been amazing. I think apart from deciding to let go a bit, I've generally been doing a lot of writing for other projects I am working on and regardless what the subject matter is, it's all practice and will help me in the long run be a better writer.

Thursday 20th October 2016
937 words.

Friday 21st October 2016
1,569 words. Oh be still my beating heart. Words cannot describe how much I loved writing today. I had to peel myself off the keyboard as I didn't want to stop and if I hadn't had too much else to do I would have just kept going.

Saturday 22nd October 2016
1,331 words. Because I had a bit more time this weekend, and as it's been such a wonderful week of writing, I did some writing today as well. It was wonderful. I wrote for about an hour and fifteen minutes and could have kept going but having this hour parameter really helps me not panic or feel under any pressure. I wanted to write the next day as well but I took the time away from it because it felt like the right thing to do.

Monday 24th October 2016
1,148 words. For the first ten minutes I had to warm up to writing again but after that it was amazing and I had an absolute ball. So much fun. It was an important scene too and I was very happy with what I wrote.

Tuesday 25th October 2016
1,316 words. Again I kept writing past the hour as I loved it so much. I wrote for about an hour and twenty minutes in total but in the end I had to stop as I had too much else to do.

Wednesday 26th October 2016
1,164 words.

Thursday 27th October 2016
1,000 words. L O V E D   I T.

Friday 28th October 2016
0 words. I didn't feel like doing anything, let alone writing. I was out until very late last night and could barely open my eyes I was so tired. Not fussed though as it's been such a fantastic couple of writing weeks.

Monday 31st October 2016
1,516 words. Again, like I tend to do if I take a gap from writing for a few days, I get a little nervous when I return to it. After approximately 30 seconds I was fine and had a FABULOUS time writing again.

Tuesday 1st November 2016
1,057 words.

Wednesday 2nd November 2016
1,334 words. Oh I loved today. I bloody loved it.

Thursday 3rd November 2016
1,278 words. I was a little distracted for maybe the first twenty minutes and used Instagram as the ultimate procrastination tool but then something changed and I was suddenly frantic and excited about writing once more.

Friday 4th November 2016
830 words. I basically wrote this as a zombie but kept going as I wanted to get up to 80,000 words just because - AND I DID.

Even though I still have a little way to go with it, it’s already much bigger than my original draft that was just over 71,319 words which either means I just have more to cut when I go to edit or I've managed to give my little story a bit more depth. I hope it's the latter as I have just had a ball writing it and it feels like I've written something I can work with.

The draft now stands at 80,076 words. It's November, which means NaNoWriMo is upon us and even though I'm obviously not taking part this year, I'd still like to give myself the goal of finishing my draft by the end of this month. Seeing as I am nearing the end of the story anyway, I don't think having that goal will put any added pressure on me. Knowing what I am like though, I'll probably have a freak out and purposefully not work on it again until December.

Until next time, when I will hopefully have done some marketing that I can talk about (not going to happen).

Another mundane blog post involving word counts

Here is yet another word count heavy blog post post for you. It's been a rather lovely, uneventful week where the only real drama was when I completed a HIIT workout and was barely able to walk for three days. Here are my word counts for the week:

Monday 10th October 2016
1,576 words. About twenty minutes after completing my first HIIT workout, and feeling like I was about to die, was the time when I decided it was ideal to start writing. It wasn't. For the first half an hour as I attempted to write, I felt like a piece of jelly but after that, something switched and I really got into it. Very happy with what I wrote and a fantastic word count to kick off the week.

Tuesday 11th October 2016
1,071 words. I didn't really feel like writing but decided to just push through and do it. I think what I wrote was ok but I find now that I can see a pretty dramatic change in the quality of my work depending on how I am feeling that day. Still glad I did it though and I'm sure I can salvage a word here or there from the literary wreckage.

Wednesday 12th October 2016
0 words. I really didn't feel like writing today, so I didn't. 'Nuff said.

Thursday 13th October 2016
1,038 words. I find when I miss as little as a day of writing I start to panic that when I return to it, I'll be useless. It took about five minutes before those fears disappeared and I really started enjoying myself.

Friday 14th October 2016
1,083 words. A great hour of writing to end the week.

From next week my posts, I promise, will be more varied as I am forcing myself to concentrate properly on one thing that I absolutely hate: self-promotion & marketing. URGH. I dislike this subject as much as a HIIT workout. Ideally I'd like to document my marketing journey on this blog as I attempt to actually sell some books and get somewhere as a writer. I've been a little too blasé in my attitude towards my career (especially when my ONE New Year's resolution for this year was to focus on my career...) and seeing as writing is something I apparently want to do for the rest of my life, it's not acceptable.

And another thing, remind me never to do HIIT again.

Until next time.

Here today, gone tomorrow

A lot has changed in my life since my last post. I handed in my notice, moved  back in with my mum, turned 29 and generally had a crazy busy time. It's all been great though so I can't complain. No more faffing about, here are my word counts since my last post:

Monday 19th September 2016
1,004 words. A great hour of writing.

Tuesday 20th September 2016
1,106 words. Another great hour of writing.

Wednesday 21st September 2016
0 words. Not great but I was so tired. I didn't beat myself up about it though and just accepted it was for the best. No 'I'm the worst writer in the world' freak outs. YAY!

Thursday 22nd September 2016
0 words. I had good intentions about writing and even sat down at my laptop ready to write but my mind was on everything that needed to be done - which was a lot, considering I moved two days later.

Monday 3rd October 2016
1,151 words. I took the break that I said I would. Initially I was nervous that it would be hard to get back into the swing of things after just over a week of not writing but it was so easy once I started. I tried not to put any pressure on myself and was very pleased with what I wrote.

Tuesday 4th October 2016
1,215 words.

Wednesday 5th October 2016
915 words. God I loved what I wrote this morning. A GREAT hour of writing.

Thursday 6th October 2016
905 words. I wrote a really important part of my book this morning and it went so well. I loved every second of it and felt so happy when I had finished.

Friday 7th October 2016
927 words. Oh, I just loved writing this morning again and finished my writing week on a pretty huge high.

I may decide to change things up but for now, I'm going to try and take every weekend off. For a long time I haven't had that luxury but now that I can, I want to start finding more balance and so far, I'm loving it.

I cannot wait to return to writing next week and I'm excited for the week ahead.

Until next time.

'We were on a break'

Just a quick update this week as time and I are on a break. It's been another good writing week - surprisingly so in the midst of so much stress *Puts small violin away to give you my word counts for the week*

Saturday 10th September 2016
748 words. Due to lack of time I could only write for 45 minutes but I had an absolute blast and loved every single 45 minutes of it.
Sunday 11th September 2016
1,137 words. I was a little out of it and a bit distracted so found it hard to concentrate on the page but all things considered, I was still very happy with what I had written. I am trying to remember that this is pretty much a first draft even though I have worked on this story for a long time and the only person who is forcing me to do it quickly is me. I need to remember that because sometimes it feels like I have an invisible contingent of people telling me in my ear 'WHEN'S IT GOING TO BE FINISHED?' - THERE IS NO ONE THERE GIRL, CHILL OUT.
Monday 12th September 2016
1,018 words.
Tuesday 13th September
1,158 words.
Wednesday 14th September
0 words. Today I decided not to write and I was ok with it. I could barely keep my eyes open so what is the point if I know I'm barely going to be able to string a sentence together and not do my best?
Thursday 15th September
1,196 words. I think it's safe to say that I made up for yesterday.
Friday 16th September
0 words. I have no time and I'm trying my best not to freak out and panic *throws laptop out the window*

This week my little draft hit 50,000 words. Not bad going considering what conditions I have been writing under. So far I think it's showing real promise and I am extremely excited to see where it's all going to go. There are some big changes happening in my life that are going to make the next few weeks hilariously busy and as a result I will be taking a break from blogging. I will be writing as much as possible but I think I need to step back when I can to avoid going into my default stress 'I'M A TERRIBLE WRITER' mode. I know for sure that I won't be writing for the next few days then I am forcing myself to take an entire week off from 26th September where I don't have to think about anything bar tall, dark, handsome men that I will read about in romance novels. FABULOUS.

Until next time.

I've had a bit of a shock

Something troubling has happened: I have found a Judith McNaught book that I don't like. I shall first show you a picture of the cover to soften the blow because it's so damn pretty...and goes with the rest of my collection so it ain't going anywhere. It tells the story of Ramon, a sexist, medallion-wearing, tyrant and Kate, our sweet gullible, racist heroine as they navigate the unnecessary dramas of their love story. I am a diehard Judith fan - her books got me through one of the hardest periods of my life when I was housebound with a really bad skin condition but this one almost feels as if it was written by someone else. Regardless, I shall not let it get to me and instead admire it from afar as it gathers dust on my bookshelf never to be touched again. In other news, it's been a great writing week so here are my word counts for the last seven days:

Saturday 3rd September 2016
924 words. I may have written hilariously early to fit everything in but nevertheless, I had a great time.
Sunday 4th September 2016
897 words.
Monday 5th September 2016
859 words. Within the hour I had to write I had a lot of disruptions and in turn felt I couldn't get into it as much but I was still very happy with what I wrote.
Tuesday 6th September 2016 
805 words. Today those nasty symptoms of self-doubt reared their ugly head but this time, not only did I tell myself to just ignore them, but I knew EXACTLY why I felt that way - I had once again put too much pressure on myself to fit in as many words as humanly possible into the hour allocated for writing and wrote at a time that was just plain silly. I have to say though, what I wrote wasn't that bad and a lot of the ideas and parts etc I actually really liked.
Wednesday 7th September 2016 
878 words. Back to normal. No self-doubt. No stopping me.
Thursday 8th September 2016
1,131 words. Great writing today.
Friday 9th September 2016
636 words. I didn't write for the full hour today as I have so much to fit in but it didn't take away from the fact that I had a BALL!

Lastly, I just want to include a link to one of my new favourite speeches EVER made by Kate Winslet at the Baftas this year. I couldn't have found it at a more appropriate time and it definitely helped me through a rather tough situation this week. The speech can be found here and prepared to feel empowered.

Until next time - I'm off to burn my bra.

A blog post with no name

It's week 3 of quite possibly the most healthy writing phase of my short writing life. I had a tiny dip in confidence that lasted all of 2 hours but apart from that, I have been not only excited to start writing each day but close to joy when I am actually doing it (ahem). I also read something wonderful this week that helped me a great deal. It was written by the fabulous author V.E. Schwab who among many others, wrote the FABULOUS novel Vicious. The piece talks about the battle it is to get through a first draft while dealing with feelings of extreme self-doubt. I have discussed many times on my blog my own feelings of self-doubt towards my writing and even though I have been in a good place recently, I know in the future I'll read this if those feelings rear their ugly head and not feel so alone. The article in question can be found here. I think I've already said enough so here are the numbers for my week in writing land:

Saturday 27th August
1,199 words.
Sunday 28th August 
994 very sleepy words. Due to tiredness, I wasn't as into it as I have been but I was still happy to just write.
Monday 29th August
1,139 words. I have been waking up the last few days immensely early to fit everything in and this morning I woke up at 6am so I could write first and get it out of the way. When I realised that is how I was looking at my writing, I knew I needed to wait until I had woken up properly to do it. At 3pm, I finally felt ready and ended up having one of the most exciting hours of writing EVER. I got so into it that the hour flew past in no time at all. Such a wonderful feeling.
Tuesday 30th August 2016
1,068 words.
Wednesday 31st August 2016
1,143 words. So very exciting.
Thursday 1st September 2016
703 words. It was strange this morning but I seemed to have trouble forming coherent sentences. Whatever disaster they turn out to be when I read them back in a few months though, I still enjoyed writing them and think even in their confused state, there will be things I can salvage from the wreckage.
Friday 2nd September 2016
923 words. A coherent and exciting hour of writing today.

My draft as it stands now is already nearly 39,000 words long and I'm not even halfway yet. I could be wrong but at the rate i'm going, it's looking likely it'll be a MASSIVE first draft. I am both excited and terrified at the prospect and look forward to reading my new Judith McNaught book later on today.

Until next time.

An uncomplicated blog post

It's been another GREAT writing week. My one hour a day rule that I talked about in my last post is working out so well, it makes me want to keep writing each day because I love it so much. Now the pressure is off, I have remembered just how much I love to write so here is the breakdown for the last week:

Saturday 20th August 2016 
I wrote 1,538 words on the way home from Mum's on a rickety old bus then a stuffy tube and I loved every minute of it.
Sunday 21st August 2016
Because of a lack of time, I started writing at 11p.m. I thought about leaving it for the day but I was itching to write so before I got too tired, I managed 692 words over about 35/40 minutes.
Monday 22nd August 2016 
Knowing I was going to be out for the entire day and wouldn't get another opportunity to write, I set my alarm an hour earlier and wrote 1,687 words! I wrote for about 1 hour 20 minutes because I got carried away and made myself late. FABULOUS!
Tuesday 23rd August 2016 
I wrote 873 words and even though I was absolutely exhausted after an extremely full on few days, I still loved it.
Wednesday 24th August 2016 
1,143 words.
Thursday 25th August 2016 
1,180 words.
Friday 26th August 2016 
975 words.

So there you have it! It's 12.30p.m. at the moment and even though I have a lot to do today, I find myself desperate to write more ... and read a Judith McNaught book. YES.

Until next time.

A breakthrough

Something wonderful has happened: my love of writing has returned, and I couldn't be happier about it. I said I wouldn't write another blog post until something profound had happened and when I wrote that bold statement, I of course had no belief that something would actually happen and instead imagined amassing all the digital cobwebs until this blog ceased to exist. This blog is not for anyone else but me really and is more of a log of my still relatively new writing journey and through documenting all my highs and lows, I've definitely noticed a pattern emerge. I'll explain about that more in a minute. First, let me break down what's happened since my last post:

In the first week of August I was working practically every spare minute of the day and had no time to even think about writing, let alone do it. At the beginning of the second week of August I was completely run down and with that came my tendency for the last few months to declare on a loop 'What the hell am I doing with my life?!?' The following day I went to stay with my mum and did a lot of thinking about what I was going to do. I have said this before but for most of my teenage and adult life, if something wasn't working, or if I had no self-belief or it had simply happened at the wrong time, I'd give up for fear that if I really tried and failed, I'd be a failure. I had a couple of days of some really deep soul searching - and a few mini breakdowns about my future, natch. I know I'm still young (28) but I'm at the age where I should at least have an inkling of how to go about what I want to do. Well, I was feeling trapped and confused about what to do for the best but on Thursday (11th) I decided to sit down with my mum and write a very simple list which had a total of 10 WORDS. These ten words gave me focus and cut out all the middle man - suddenly I had an end goal and at the top, I had the things I was doing/going to do to get there. Suddenly what I had to do didn't look all that scary and somehow, the pressure I had been slowly putting on myself over time had been taken off my shoulders. I moved on then to look at how much I could write logically each day without getting overwhelmed and worked out that I could easily fit in an hour a day, with the addition of a lifetime ban on word count goals. So the plan would be to basically sit for an hour in front of my laptop and see what happened. Because I had put all this in place it took away something HUGE: panic. In the past when I have panicked about what I am going to do with my life, I rush the thing I love and go about things in the wrong way and end up hating it. That is what I did with writing last November when I attempted to do NaNoWriMo then again, when I took it back up this June. I was so desperate to change my life that I told myself I had to do x amount of words a day and be finished on x date - in turn anything I did, didn't feel good enough and I ended up having periods where I gave up completely and put all the excuses under the sun in my way.

So, the following day (Friday 12th August), I read through with Mum what I had written so far and even though there are ridiculous parts, places where you can see my heart isn't in it and a fair few expositional word dumps, it showed promise. It's funny, the places where I decided to just write because I felt like it with no pressure on myself are the bits that are by far the best and really flow. Here are my daily writing totals for the last week:

Saturday 13th August
752 words
Sunday 14th August
1,186 words
Monday 15th August
I wrote 934 words in 38 minutes and experienced what can only be described as sheer excitement and exhilaration. The first two days were a warm up for this. Pure joy.
Tuesday 16th August
Before work I wrote 1,349 words and loved every single moment of it. The time went too fast though and I just wanted to keep writing.
Wednesday 17th August
I wrote 1,222 words and like yesterday, and the day before that, it was truly wonderful.
Thursday 18th August
I wrote 1,515 words. A broken record I know but, guess what? I LOVED IT. I wrote for an extra 15 minutes as I couldn't help myself.
Friday 19th August 2016
Today I decided to write for 2 hours for the simple reason that I wanted to and wrote a total of 2,024 words.

So in the week where I vowed not put pressure on myself, I wrote a total of 8,982 words. Not bad going.

In other news, I've taken down my short story CIRCLE from Amazon as I felt I needed to concentrate on my WEIGHTING TO LIVE series. It feels like the right thing to do and recently because I've taken the aforementioned panic out of my life, I've been able to get on more with marketing too.

Until next time.

The rewrite: WEEK...Remind me?

Before anything I will briefly talk about the writing I have managed to do (lol):

After I  published my last blog post on Friday 8th July, that evening, I decided to do some writing and wrote 764 words. I simply loved every minute of it. Even though I had very limited time the following day, I managed to fit in 643 words and found that old excitement returning. On the plane to France the following day, then when I arrived later that evening, I wrote a total of 1,246 words. I went to sleep full of hope and wonder what the next ten days in the magical land of cheese and baguettes would bring to my writing ... it turns out not too much. The next day, on Monday 11th July, I wrote 1,129 words but found myself very uninspired to continue. A huge part of that was down to the heat which acted like a fog over my brain ... but if I am being honest, more than anything else, it was because that horrible cloud of self-doubt returned to tell me I should give up and that I'm no good. Since then I've thought of nothing but writing but haven't had the time (or confidence) to return to it. I know in my heart that this idea, if I really worked at it and believed in myself, could be something very exciting - but I'm human and life doesn't work like that. The last few months have been in my personal life intense to say the least but that is no excuse - I want to write, I know I do but I've got to find some way to overcome my, at times, crippling self-doubt. Saying that, slowly but surely, I know I'm getting there. As an incentive to finish the draft, I've told myself I can't buy Harry Potter and the Cursed Child until it's done *starts frantically panic-typing*

Apart from all that nonsense, I've noticed I have been getting more sales of my eBook WEIGHTING TO LIVE. It's been quite exciting really. Still hilariously small numbers mind you but significant enough to start considering reading all those dreaded eBook entrepreneurs again and striking while the iron is hot(ish).

I will be back with another blog post when I have something profound to say ... so it's been nice knowing you :-/

Until next time...?

The rewrite: Week 2, Week 3, Week 4...Week 5 *HANGS HEAD IN SHAME*

I promised I would write this draft in my own time and not worry about word counts so this shall not be a post full of regret - I couldn't write for many reasons which I will explain as best I can without sounding all 'my dog ate my homework':

On Monday 13th June I wrote 1,153 words and on Tuesday 14th June I wrote 1,491 words. I was immensely happy with this and really felt like what I had written was pretty good but aside from that, I was going through a bit of a hard time. On the 6th June, I hit 3 years since I became ill (which I've written about on my blog many times before) and used that anniversary as the start of a new phase in my life. In doing so, it brought up a lot of emotions, memories and thoughts that hit me all at once. I had a pretty rough time at secondary school and since then it's had a huge impact on my life and how I've gone about things. For the last few weeks I've basically been coming to terms with it all and really woken up to my present situation. I had a really hard few weeks dealing with all that, then to top it all off, at the same time, I got a seriously bad cold that I've just got better from. I will also add to the over-stuffed table that I was working too much so I think I just ran myself down in every way possible. I'm feeling a little better now but this time, I need to move slower and just chill out about everything if I truly want to succeed.

As I had a few weeks away from writing while I recovered from my bad cold etc, on Monday 4th July, I decided to read through all 9,810 words I had written so far - I know you aren't meant to do this with a first draft and just keep on writing but I really wanted to see how it was. My initial reaction was excitement - obviously it's not perfect, and parts are a bit of an expositional dump, but it shows promise. Over the day, I wrote...wait for it....nine more words but on Tuesday 5th July I was able to continue writing properly again and wrote 1,045 words bringing the total to 10,864.

This week has been a little crazy with work but come next week, I am away in France working for 1 hour a day max (I know, a ridiculously good deal) and I'm going to use that time away as a writing retreat of sorts. Hopefully I can just immerse myself in the world I have created and come back to London with something more substantial on my laptop. I'm feeling positive for the long writing journey ahead, minus a little less emotional baggage.

Until next time.

Rewriting the unwritable WEEK 1: opposites attract

I have come to the end of the first week of rewriting the novel I have talked about on this blog for nearly a year now. I have experienced extreme emotions this week - shirking the average and going straight for either delusions of grandeur and thinking the book has a real chance of getting somewhere, or thinking I am a total failure and the worst writer in the world. Having said that, I still wrote a total of 6,291 words from Monday to Thursday. I am not writing any more this week so I'll break it down day by day:

Monday 6th June 2016
WORD COUNT: 2,012
It was a wonderful writing day. For the first hour I was still getting used to writing again after such a long break but half way through the day, I really got into and it was nothing short of a joy to write.

Tuesday 7th June 2016
WORD COUNT: 2,288
A good day still and I smashed the word count but I battled a lot of fear and anxiety that I wasn't doing a very good job so became slightly mechanical in my writing - looking to old drafts and notes too much. 

***Halfway through the week was when I suddenly got overwhelmed and decided I was a terrible writer and as a result, I started looking for a new profession in my head. My inclination was telling me to just give up and lament being a late-twenty something who hasn't got a clue what she wants to do with her life.***

Wednesday 8th June 2016
WORD COUNT: 1,133 words
My dear friend Fear came over for a catch up today and those 1,133 words were a real struggle to get out. Saying that, there have been a lot of moments over the last three days where I feel I've written some good stuff. 

Thursday 9th June 2016 
WORD COUNT: 858 words
My dear friend Fear outstayed her welcome and also invited along her big sister Doubt. Again some good work today but just hard to battle through how I was feeling.

In conclusion: I have put too much pressure on myself. There is nothing else I want to do with my life but write (...and maybe occasionally sing a Disney song - or five...). This idea particularly I feel has a real shot so naturally, I have built it all up inside my head and now if I don't feel one sentence of it is absolutely perfect, or I have to think about what to write next for over a minute, I start having doubts about my abilities and think maybe I am just not cut out for it. I know these feelings will come and go but this week I just let it get the better of me. Over 6,000 words in four days isn't bad at all, I am just putting too much pressure myself hitting word goals etc that I am not letting myself just enjoy the process, which can be wonderful.

Next week I have decided I am scrapping the word count goal and also stopping myself from looking too much at my notes and old drafts - only referring to them for plot points etc. Having to break off to refer to it is really stopping the ideas flowing and killing my urge to just write. I need to remember that it will get done when it's meant to get done. I absolutely adore writing, I just don't like how I have gone about it this week. All it boils down to really is the fact that I really want to write, I'm just so bloody scared of failing.

On that positive note, I'll see you next week (if I haven't jumped off a figurative cliff in despair by then).

Until next time.

Feeling refreshed

I am back from my much needed blog holiday. Nothing mind-blowing happened in my absence but it's been a rather lovely mix of working, socialising and spending time with the people I love the most. I also read the Judith McNaught book I talked about here and it was exactly what I needed - glamorous hot people with ridiculous dramas in one well-written pretty book. In nice book review-related news, I got another four star rating for my book WEIGHTING TO LIVE on Goodreads ... in not so nice book review-related news, I got a one star rating for my short story CIRCLE from, I think, the same reader. They are very different books in very different genres though so I am fine with that and I love the feedback - the good and the bad. It's definitely something to think about whether I should have just the one genre under the pseudonym Lily Divine (if you hadn't guessed, it's not my real name..).

Next week I shall be rewriting the book I have banged on about since the dawn of time. The idea for it still has me excited more than anything in the world and if I can just get it down on paper how it is in my head, I think it really stands a shot. This idea has been in my life for years now and I think the reason it has taken so long is a lot to do with fear. Fear it won't be as good as I think it could be. I'm definitely guilty of that way of thinking in so many areas of my life. It's easier in a way knowing it could be something rather than trying and failing. I reread the original draft for it last week and the massive word document that has all the changes for it is now closer to 7,000 words (yay...). On this most recent of read-throughs, it didn't magically need only a lick of literary paint, it still needs to be completely reworked but retaining, for the most part, the characters, story, world and some dialogue and passages.

For the rest of this week I am tying up a lot of loose ends so I don't have anything standing in my way. There is a lot to do but it's all so exciting I don't mind doing it. From next week I am aiming for about 10,000 words per week which in about 5 weeks could mean I potentially have a finished first draft ... but naturally, I am preempting failure. I mean, I've done it before but never with such a strict target. I am hilariously bad when under pressure. Take dieting - if I know my food intake will be cut slightly, I naturally want to eat all the food in the world and store up for the inevitable drought.

I shall be back late next week with an update of how I got on with my first week of rewriting. So basically I look forward to the inevitable excuses I will come up with of why I haven't written a thing.

Until next time.

The NaNo low-down: DAY 3

WORD COUNT FOR THE DAY: 350

I am really struggling today. My body feels like hell and my head is a mixture of frustration and panic. I want to write desperately but the stuff that's coming out isn't great because I just don't feel up to it. I said yesterday that I was going to write only when I felt better but I completely ignored this rule and just ploughed on regardless. By 11 a.m. I started crying tears of futility. I am trying not to let it get through to me but it is. I know in a couple of days I will look back on how I am reacting and realise how ridiculous I am behaving. I know I am being completely irrational.

So from this moment I have put myself on a self-imposed writing BAN and will only be back when I feel better.

Sorry this was indulgently bleak. I promise to be back soon a little brighter and ready to write.

Until next time.